


Beneath the Surface

by ontuva



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst and Humor, Drama, F/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2014-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-25 00:28:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 53,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ontuva/pseuds/ontuva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waking up from a hospital bed with no recollection of the past events can be life changing. For some people it could mean the end of the world. For Akako, it seems life is giving a second chance. But sometimes the nightmares aren't just dreams and sometimes remembering isn't as good as forgetting.</p>
<p>Eventually Kakashi/OC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, finally got myself an AO3 account. :3   
> Hello to everyone and welcome to read my stories. This one I started at May of 2009 (and I still haven't finished ó_ò) and this is/was my very first ever Naruto fanfic and the first fanfic I decided to write in English. Are there grammar errors? You bet. I've tried to spot most of them over the years, but I'm blind to my own mistakes. Hopefully you'll be able to enjoy the story even though there might be some errors.  
> So, eventually it's going to be Kakashi/OFC. I hope you like her. 
> 
> And because I've done this everywhere else: No I don't own Naruto or anything else you can recognize from the manga/anime. I don't get money from making this fic. I'd update a lot faster if I did. ._.

Blood. It was all that I saw. The gleaming red elixir of life flowing on the ground. My mind was blank. All I could do was stare. Was that blood mine? Had I somehow injured myself? Had I injured someone else?

”You see now, my darling? It's easier this way. This way you only belong to me,” a sweet voice whispered to my ear. I could feel soft lips caressing my cheek. The feeling almost spoke of love. But I knew it wasn't it. It was something else entirely.

”I'm proud of you,” the voice continued. ”Together we can change the world, my love. Together.” I tried to scream at him, make him stop. His venomous voice filled my head, his poison filled my thoughts, his want suffocated my heart. He was killing me inside. He had made me do it. He was the one doing this, not I!

I had been foolish. I had thought it would end here, but I had been wrong. Terribly wrong! This was just the beginning, beginning of something monstrous and I could do nothing to stop it. I wanted to cry, wanted to plead, to make him stop, but I wasn't the one making decisions know. I only could obey. I was his servant, his slave, his to command.

I wanted to die.

”I have another mission for you, my little creation,” he breathed in my ear, his hands caressing my cheek. ”Do it well and I shall reward you later.”

I killed my heart.

-  
-

“Hokage-sama, I guess you already have -”.

“Yes, I've heard of the situation. It is very clear to me that even our village is in danger so I've arranged a new group,” Hokage interrupted the member of the ANBU. He seemed to be shocked by Hokage's words.

“But Hokage-sama! No disrespect, but even the last group was totally wiped out! I found my pupils head attached to a tree! And the woman in the group was mutilated! They were ANBUs! They were excellent shinobi! In a normal situation, they wouldn't have lost! We are not dealing with something that we are capable of,” the ANBU with a dog mask answered irritated. He had seen too many good men and women die. They needed no more unnecessary deaths or otherwise they wouldn't be able to deal with the contracts given to the village.

The Hokage stayed silent for a while before a quiet sigh escaped his lips. He looked tired.

“I've already arranged a new group,” he stated after a pause. “This group won't lose. I made you the leader of it.” The said leader had already opened his mouth to argue with the Hokage, but the newly cast piece of information had caused him to forget what his point had been.

“We both know the girl is dangerous. She has killed almost everyone that has crossed her path, but she's not the one that I'm worried about. She's controlled by someone or something, so we need her alive. We need her to get to the one behind all this!”

The ANBU was in a total state of shock. It would have been a true pain in the ass to kill the girl but to capture her alive? Was that even possible? And would it be possible to him to actually not kill her? While on his regular patrol route he had found a girl, no more than 4 years old, dying on blood loss. All of her limbs we're cut off. And the she-demon was to blame. She didn't deserve to live.

The Hokage looked at him and rose from his chair. The ANBU was confused. How could they possibly accomplish this mission? Were they going to be sent to their deaths? He had to voice out his doubts.

“But... We have sent four groups already. And she has just slaughtered them all,” he started his speech but the Hokage silenced him with a single glare.

“I'm not sending you to die,” he stated calmly and walked to a chest across the room. “I'm not sending you without a weapon to use against her. You will use a jutsu. And you shall tell no one your group used it.”

The ANBU swallowed nervously. Was Hokage-sama meaning what he thought he meant? A forbidden jutsu? While his thoughts raced around the Hokage had opened the chest and handed a large scroll to him.

“You will seal her mind.”

“Seal her mind? What good will that do?” he asked before he remembered to bite his tongue. He was in no positions to question Hokage-sama's intentions. The Hokage went back to sit in his chair and looked the ANBU in the eyes. His gaze was reassuring.

“If you seal her mind, her master can't control anymore. She will have her free will again. Downside is she won't be remembering anything, neither who she is or what she has done.”

Now the ANBU was beginning to understand. But it would still prove difficult to lure her into a trap. Another thought popped into his mind and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Then how can she give us information about her master if she doesn't remember anything?” he asked carefully.

“I'll take care of that,” Hokage-sama ended the conversation.  
-  
-  
It was cold. So cold. And the pain. The pain slashed straight through my heart and for a moment I feared it would stop beating altogether. I could feel it trying to bump blood in my veins, I could feel it trying to keep me alive. It hurt so goddamn much! My body screamed for air, sweet sweet air. I gasped my lungs full of it. My heart beat steadied. The sweetness of breathing made my head dizzy. In and out. In and out. With every inhale the pain was present. With every exhale the pain was still there. Something was wrong with me. Horribly wrong. The thought stayed for a while before the pain again took every rational thought away.

I felt empty. Too empty.

I thought about it for a while. Why did I feel so empty? What was wrong with me?

My eyes flew open when the questions started pouring into my head. Who was I? WHO THE HECK WAS I?

I tried to sit, but noticed I couldn't. I panicked when I realized there were straps on my arms to keep me still on the bed I was lying on. I was having a total black out. Where the hell was I? Why the hell didn't I know who I was?! And why was I stranded on a bed?!

I felt like screaming and almost did, but then someone entered the room and he got my full attention.

“I suppose you don't like being tied to a bed?” he asked curiously. I felt my eyebrow twitch.

“No, not at all, you perverted mask freak!” I shouted trying to ignore the pain in my chest. “I suppose you have some sort of weird fetish and you want to have all your girls handed to you on a bed ready for you to use as you like, don't you?!” I was furious. My answer seemed to shock him a bit. I gasped for air again and tried to make sense of the situation. It was hard. My lungs and chest burned, which meant he probably hadn't got me without a fight. I was beginning to get rather mad. He had hurt me.

“But I... Well. Never mind, I'll let you out of the bed,” he sighed and came towards me. I was ready to punch him whenever I had the chance. I was going to make a run for it. No matter what, he wasn't going to get me alive.

He stopped next to me and tilted his head a little.

“I really don't like that furious look you are giving me, so what if we make a deal? When I've unstrapped you, you will stay nicely put in that bed, until we have sorted things out? See, I wasn't the one to put you in that position in the first place,” he explained calmly and put a book from his hand to his pocket. I noticed the title read 'Icha, Icha Paradise'. “You are in hospital, you see,” he continued and started to open the straps.

Hospital then? Well. I hadn't seen any medics. Was he one? I glanced at him quickly. No, probably not. He saw me measuring him and lifted his eyebrow a little. Why had he covered his other eye? And why the mask? Was he somehow horribly deformed?

“Why do you have mask on?” I asked.

“Because I can?”

“You know what?” I pointed out. He lifted his brow again. “I'm not the kind of a girl to wait for the things to sort out.” Without a warning I tried to punch him in the face with my freed hand. But I hadn't calculated right. He still hadn't let my left hand out of the straps, so I was still stranded on the bed and my right-hand hadn't reach his face. I blamed his reflexes. Ducking bastard.

“That wasn't nice,” he sighed. I growled in frustration.

“Well, as you see, I'm not that nice,” I muttered.

“Oh, Hatake-san, she is awake?” a woman's voice asked.

“Yes. Alive and kicking,” he answered. “Or should I say punching?” He glared at me. I glared back at him although it started to hit me that he had probably told me the truth. The woman was definitely part of a medical team. I was in a hospital. I started to feel a bit ashamed. But still, you can't blame me, can you? He's the one looking creepy with his face hidden in a mask. And me stranded on a bed and stuff. And his book looked perverted too.

“Well, I guess I should check the wound on your chest,” the nurse said hinting the one she had called Hatake to leave. I looked at his back when he started to make his way out.

“I'm definitely not letting you out of the bed,” he pointed out to me before leaving the room.

“Like you could keep me here,” I murmured. There was something fishy going on. I was sure of it.


	2. Of Questions and Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Still don't own Naruto. Still don't get any money.  
> Word count: 2,384 says Lotus Symphony

“You shouldn't be punching people without a reason”, the woman said warmly when she opened the bandages on my chest. “At least, not when you aren't healthy. We had a hard time to get you stay alive, you know?” I blinked. Well, what could I answer to that? This whole thing seemed to get weirder and weirder as the time passed. I stayed silent until she had changed to bandages and started to look like leaving.

“Could you... Well, I don't know how to put it, but... Do you know who I am?” I asked as nicely as I could. Although inside I was still furious, suspicious, hurting and everything in the between. I guess that I have temper. First note to myself: I get easily pissed. Ok, I'm already starting to know myself.

The nurse looked at me surprised. Then she looked at the door. Then me again.

“Are you saying”, she started, “that you don't know who you are?” I nodded, which was a mistake, since my chest moved a bit and it hurt like hell.

“Oh”, she then continued with eyes wide open. “Oooh... Well. This is complicated. We were hoping that you could tell us who you are and where you came from, so we could form a group to escort you back. Or this is what the Hokage-sama had in mind.”  
Now I was the one to surprise. Note two to myself: Don't freaking' panic now. Don't panic. Breathe. Just breathe.

“Uhm, I guess I should tell you everything I know, but it wouldn't be fair to team#7, since they were the ones to find you. I don't think Kakashi has left yet, since his apprentice is still in hospital, so I'll go and fetch him.” Before I could get my mouth open, she had already left.

Kakashi was the one guy earlier, I reminded myself. He could give me answers. So, note three to myself: Be nice to him. I wasn't sure I was going to succeed in that though.

“You gonna punch me again?” he asked. I blinked. When had he come back? I thought my words for a second or two. But yes, I had no other choice than apologize.

“Well, you know, I was kinda surprised and scared and”, I started. This wasn't going well. He raised his eyebrow. Or brows, I don't know, since I didn't see the other one under the headband. He was so going to enjoy this.

“I am sorry for trying to punch you. I miscalculated the situation, but for fuck's sake I don't know who I am and I think I'm going to lose my sanity soon”, I spat out. Oh, well. It started out nicely, didn't it?

“You sure have a temper don't you?” he asked rhetorically and took a chair next to me. Then his eyes spotted that I was still stranded to bed. “She didn't get you out?”

“Oh, sure she did, they just look like they are closed”, I told him sarcastically. He just sighed and then started to open the strand in my left hand.

“It's not so hard to be nice”, he said. “You should really try it.” He then glanced at me. “But I think your hair color kinda gives out your true self. Redheads have temper, that's a fact.” I have red hair? I touched one strand of my hair and looked at it. Yep, bright red. I was beginning to build a picture out of myself. I already knew about my temper and my hair color. This was starting out nicely.

“How did I get this wound?” I asked and pointed my chest. The nurse had put medical ointment on the top of it and the pain had started to go away. Kakashi was working on my leg and didn't answer immediately. When he was ready, and I was (thank God) free from the bed, he sat on the chair and tilted his head.

“I won't start straight from the wound, because it would just mess the story up. So I'll start from the beginning. It's not that long a story, so I think you'll keep up. I am in the charge of three apprentices, who someday hopefully will become jonin like I am. But because they are not even chunin yet, we get only quite easy missions. For example, a week ago we had a mission to bring an old lady's cat back from the forest, where it had escaped.”

Jonin, chunin, I wasn't following!

“Well, we had no choice than to hope, that we would find the cat, although my team was kinda... Well, they didn't like the mission at all due to lack of action. But in the middle of rescuing that poor little cat, we found you. There was a meadow in the woods and you were in the middle of it. And you were not alone. There were five bodies besides you. I don't know who they were and actually I can't be sure that they were even human. They just looked like a pile of meat that had went trough a meat grinder.”

I felt sick. The image was too vivid in my head. I guess Kakashi saw the green tint in my face, but I don't really think that he cared. Oh yes, he was a vengeful bastard.

“But you were still alive. You sat on the ground and held your chest. You really didn't look like you were in this world at that moment. You mumbled to yourself something about demons and dying, but when we came closer you snapped out of it. And you actually attacked us. With that wound.” Kakashi looked at my chest. “It was a miracle that you were still alive, but to be able to attack also...”

I stared at the wall. I felt a little ashamed. But still, if there had been bodies, and I had a wound, how the hell was I supposed to know, who was enemy and who weren't? Kakashi smiled at me.

“Don't worry, you didn't hurt us. Or at least, not much. You broke Naruto's nose, but he'll be fine. He's just mad at you and wants to hit you back, since he wasn't able to do that in the forest. You collapsed after hitting him. I didn't need to be genius to understand that you were dying and since we had to know what had attacked you and the others, we brought you back and hoped that medic ninja would be able to save you. And they did.”

I was quiet. I remembered I had hit somebody, so I guess Kakashi was telling the truth, or at least part of it. But I still had questions.

“But why was I stranded on the bed?” I asked. “I don't think patients are usually treated that way.” I was feeling kinda sad. I had still no idea who I was. Actually, now I had more questions than I did before. Who were those five bodies?

“You see, I think you had suffered a huge trauma. And when you started healing... Well, you became violent. Naruto was actually here when you woke up for the first time. He really wanted you to be sorry for breaking his nose and was prepared to scold you. It was shock to him that you actually broke his nose again. And that's why you were stranded.” I saw that Kakashi was actually smiling. “I'm always telling that kiddo he should be more careful.”

“So, I guess this is the first time I've woken up without trying to attack to someone?” I asked, just to be sure. Kakashi nodded.

“There have usually been a jonin like me watching you in case of you starting to make trouble. Actually the nurses were beginning to think that you wouldn't never wake up to reality”, he said. I stared at him. I had lost my mind for a while, I understood. So, basically, now the nurses thought that I was crazy. I guess screaming to Kakashi hadn't helped it.

“Kakashi-sensei!” I heard and snapped back to the moment. It was a voice of a boy. And after a while I saw the boy himself in my room. “You!” he screamed and pointed at me. “You broke my nose! Twice!” I just stared at him. He actually had whiskers.

“Naruto, calm down, I believe that she didn't do it on purpose”, Kakashi said to him. But Naruto still looked furious.

“But it's my nose and it hurt! I want to have at least an apology! If I would broke someone's nose you would immediately scold me until I'd go and apologize. It's not fair if she don't have to do the same thing!” the boy explained. I smiled at him. The boy had spirits, definitely.

“Alright, I apologize for breaking your nose”, I told him. “I didn't mean to do it, I was probably scared and I thought you were going to hurt me.”

“How come he did get better apology than me?” Kakashi said irritated. “You actually did try to punch me on purpose.” I glared at him.

“Well, he's so cute with the whiskers and all”, I answered and smiled. Kakashi stared at me for a while.

“From your looks, I could guess you're at least ten years older than him”, he said steadily. Naruto looked both of us confused. Well, I felt amazed too. I hadn't meant it that way and I was just about to point it out, when Kakashi actually smiled at me.

“You are an asshole”, I said to him. He was just playing with me. He didn't stop smiling under his mask.

“Hey, don't talk to Kakashi-sensei like that!” Naruto shouted at me so I turned to glare at him instead. “He's the best jonin in this village and he's teaching me, so one day I can be the greatest Hokage to ever have lived!” Ok, the kiddo definitely had guts. I couldn't help but to smile at him.

“If you want him to forgive you, for about anything actually, you can always buy him ramen”, Kakashi hinted me. “He's crazy about the stuff.” I blinked. I had no idea what ramen was. And how to buy something when I had no money either?

“What is ramen?” I asked and I could swear Naruto's jaw fell right to the ground.

“You don't know about ramen?!” he screamed. “Where the hell are you from? Living without ramen?! That's a pure nightmare!”

I sighed. This whole “no memory”-thing had started to really irritate me. I could remember something, about how the world worked and some basic stuff about living but dishes? No way. I started to feel horrible.

“Naruto, I think she's starting to feel tired”, Kakashi hinted the blond boy. “She has suffered a huge memory loss, so we must nice to him, you understand?” Naruto looked even more confused.

“Memory loss?” he said. “Oh, that's why you hit me twice! You couldn't remember you had already hit me!” He looked proud about the conclusion he had made. I giggled. He was adorable. “And when you get out of the hospital, I promise to buy you some ramen!” He said. “And that's a promise I'm going to keep, because I am Uzumaki Naruto!”

“Thank you, Naruto”, I said to him. I started to feel a little better. Kakashi patted my head, which I found a bit annoying but also comforting.

“You might not remember anything but I'm sure your memory will come back someday. And until then we just have to make new memories, eh?” Naruto said smiling. I could tell Kakashi was being very proud of the boy at the moment.

“Ok, Naruto, since your nose has recovered, I think it's time for us to go training”, Kakashi said. “Go fetch Sakura and Sasuke and meet me at the bridge.”

“Hai!” Naruto said happily and waved at me. “See ya, mystery lady!” I waved back at him. Then I noticed Kakashi wasn't going to leave.

“What, you stayed?” I asked him.

“Well, they handed me this and told me to fill it in with you”, he said and showed me a paper full of basic questions. “You are probably going to stay in Konoha for a while, so Hokage-sama wants you to be treated as a full citizen and for that you need to be registered.”

“Oh, I see. We have to fill it now?” I asked him. I was hoping to get spend some time alone. And perhaps even walk around a bit, since I'd been bed resting for a while.

“Well, most of these questions are the kind you can't really answer”, he said and rubbed his neck. “So we have to fill in just the basic basics. Like what's your name.” I looked at him steadily. I didn't know it. Neither did him or anyone in the village.

“I don't know my name and you know that perfectly well”, I said irritated.

“Well, the Hokage-sama's instructions were 'Find her a suitable name' to be exact”, he answered me sheepishly. “Something we could call you until your real name comes back to you.”

“Oh, I see”, I understood and paused. “I guess Mystery Lady doesn't count as a name?” I laughed. Kakashi smiled.

“I don't think so”, he said. I closed my eyes and thought for a while. What was I called before? What was my name? Absolutely nothing came to mind and I felt angry because of it.

“Shit, can't remember nothing!” I stated. Kakashi tilted his head. “You dot any ideas?” I asked him. It took him about 2 seconds to figure out a name for me.

“How about Akako?” he suggested. I felt something tingling in the back of my head. Red? It reminded me of something, but then the memory slipped away again. I looked at Kakashi with determination. He looked like a question mark.

“Akako it is then”, I decided. “Due to my red hair and temper.”


	3. Who Are You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.  
> Word count: 2,098  
> Warning: Still cursing. Also mental issues.

After Kakashi left, I pondered the name Akako in my mind. I actually liked the name although I was a bit surprised that Kakashi didn't suggest 'bastard' or 'puncher'. And the fact that I now had a name made me feel much better. I was actually beginning to think memory loss wasn't really that bad. Just like Naruto had said, I could always make new memories and live on. The old ones would come back eventually. At least I hoped so.

Suddenly I felt like someone was staring at me. And in fact, there was yet again someone else besides me in the room. This time it wasn't Kakashi nor the nurse, but a little girl. She stood in front of the door with a teddy bear in her hand.

“Hi ya there”, I said to her softly. “Are you lost?” The girl said nothing to me. She just stared at me with those bright blue eyes with part of her black hair covering them. Well, she was a shy one. I sat on the bed and smiled to her.

“No, don't be shy. I'm not going to bite you”, I told her. “Now come on here, we can go look for the nurses together.” When the girl still didn't answer, I started to worry. Was she alright? She still had her eyes on me with such intensity it was starting to scare me. Although the thing I found most disturbing was the fact that she didn't even blink. Not one time.

As I started to take a closer look at the girl I noticed she had scars all over her body. And her skin tone didn't look so healthy either. I swallowed. Now I really was scared. The girl didn't breathe, her chest didn't move at all. I told myself to calm down. There are no such things as living deads nor ghosts. But when I opened my eyes again, the girl was still there. Actually, she was two steps closer than the last time.

Ok, I told myself. Calm down. Calm – fucking – down. I could always call the nurse. But what would I tell them? “There is a ghost hunting me” wouldn't probably make the “she's crazy” impression better.

I started to shake. Somehow I knew this girl. I couldn't tell who she was, but I remembered her somehow. She was someone important.

She took a one step closer again. Slowly. She looked like she was lost and I was the only thing that could get her home. But I didn't want her to get anywhere near me. She was dead! She should be dead and not moving and looking at me with those pleading eyes.

“Go away”, I whispered. “Go away, you are dead, you shouldn't be here, go away!” I felt like losing my sanity. The girl stopped and a tear fell from her eye.

“But it's so cold, mommy”, the girl said sadly. “It's so cold...” And after that she faded until disappearing. I stared the place where the girl was just a second ago. Mommy? I felt tears running down my face. I couldn't stop shaking and my heart ached. I hid my face to my hands. I wasn't capable of this. I stayed up the whole night just staring at the wall without seeing it. I just cried. Cried until I didn't have any tears left.

-  
-

 

“Hokage-sama”, a dying voice said silently. “Did we succeed?” The voice belonged to a male ANBU member, the same one that had been sent to the mission as the leader. Hokage looked at him silently.

“Yes, you succeeded, she doesn't have memories anymore”, he said to him. “You can be proud of yourself.” The man smiled and coughed up blood.

“She was...stronger...than we thought”, he said. “She stabbed...herself... before we... were ready.” Hokage lifted his eyebrows. So that was how she managed to stop the sealing before they were finished. He looked at the dying ANBU-leader. His group had been good. Others had sacrificed themselves so that one could perform the sealing to its end.

“You are heroes”, Hokage said to him. And he meant every word. The man smiled.

“No, Hokage-sama, you are.”

-  
-

 

“Good morning, how are we feeling today?” a cheerful nurse's voice said. She startled me and woke me up from my staring contest against the wall. Before I could answer anything to her, she put a cup of soup on the table next to my bed.

“Today, if you are feeling well enough, you are allowed to leave the bed”, she said and smiled. “And if you don't have any complications, you should be allowed to leave tomorrow.” I stayed silent. Leave? Where would I leave? I had absolutely no place to go. And the little girl still haunted me in my thoughts, although I was beginning to think that the trauma I had suffered was just playing in my head and I saw things that weren't really there.

“Oh, you are quiet today”, the nurse said to me worried. “Are you fine, Akako-san? Kakashi-sensei told me this was the name we should call you. And I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier, things have been hectic for a while in here. My name is Yoshiko-san”, she babbled. I was having a hard time following her. Wow, she sure liked talking.

“I. Well. Uhm. I don't have a place to go”, I said quietly. I had no money, no job, no place to stay and a pile of mental problems. Oh yeah, the world truly was smiling to me. She looked at me confused.

“Oh, Kakashi-sensei didn't mention to you did he?” she said astonished. “You have been granted a small apartment and a small amount of money from Hokage-sama. He truly is a leader, who cares about his people. And now that you officially are a Konoha-citizen, he is taking care of you too!” My mouth fell open. I was so astonished I couldn't speak. This was way too generous.

”And of course he expects you to pay back”, Yoshiko then laughed. ”But it'll get you started. And I'm sure you'll find work somewhere! You are probably too old to be a kunoichi, but there are a lot of other things you can do! We actually have a need for assistant here in hospital.” She winked at me. I was still in a state of shock. Way too much information at once. I was still registering the apartment thing.

“Oh, am I being too quick?” she asked me. I blinked.

“Uhm, a little, I guess. I'm still recovering from the apartment thingie, you know”, I answered. “Not to mention the money.” Oh good heavens, now some of my problems were gone. Fortunately.

“That's the way of our Hokage-sama!” Yoshiko told me cheerfully. “Now, eat your soup, before I have to feed it to you!” She then waved the spoon at me. “And I mean it, soldier!”

“Yes, Yoshiko-san! No need to tell me twice”, I giggled. I felt my bad mood leaving me as I watched the hyper-active nurse. She made me feel comfortable with her openness and warmness.

“After eating you'll probably want to have a shower?” she asked me then. “After all, I don't know how long it has been since your last one, but...”

“Yep, I stink, I know”, I said. The hospital, the blood, the sweat... They were all having their toll on me. “I'll definitely have a shower! A long one.” Yoshiko clapped her hands cheerfully.

“Yay, don't have to force you to do it! Yoshiko-san is happy now! I'll go fetch you some clean clothes and new bandages. And you'll probably need a towel too. Do you want rosy soap or would you prefer some other fragrance? I'm probably being too hyper again, am I?” She had an apologizing face. But I was happy.

“No need to feel sorry”, I laughed. “You make me feel really welcome. Thank you, Yoshiko-san.” I then bowed me head a little. “You made me feel a lot better.” I saw Yoshiko blush a little.

“That's nice to hear, Akako-san! But now, to the fetching of clothes and soap!” She then took a stance of a soldier. ”Yoshiko-san off to the mission now!” And after that she was gone, leaving me wonder what the fuck had just happened.

After finishing the delicious soup (and this had absolutely nothing to do with the fact I had been tube feeding until today) Yoshiko-san rushed into the room with a towel and clothes. Her cheeks were bright red and she actually seemed to hover in the air with happiness.

”What's the occasion?” I asked from her while lifting myself up from the bed. She rushed to help me with standing.

”Oh, well, oh. Nothing, quite. Well. But. Oh, I can't keep this to myself, I have a date!” she gave a laugh. I grinned. She truly was adorable.

The standing didn't prove as difficult as I thought it would. In fact I was able to stand without Yoshiko's support and to my surprise, even walk. Yoshiko kept praising me the whole way to the shower and pointed out where the ”call the nurse immediately” -button was. Then again she was gone. She kept amazing me with her ”I'm here – I'm not – No, I'm here again – Ok, wait, no I'm not!” -abilities. She probably was the quickest nurse in the Konoha. And on top of that, she did good job!

I noticed that there was a mirror in the bathroom, so I didn't went to the shower immediately. Instead I watched myself from the mirror. I didn't recognize the person watching me. I wondered if it knew me.

”Hello there, mind telling me who you are”, I said to the reflection and poked it. Naturally, it didn't answer and I sighed. ”Didn't thought so. Hm, I have no other choices then? I have to get to know you, don't I?” I stared at myself. Well. Blue eyes. The flash of the little girl flickered in my head. She definitely had my eyes. I shook my head to lose the image. I didn't want to think about the girl, not until I had answers.

”You are only in my imagination. Ghosts don't exist”, I told the mirror firmly, ”so stay away.”  
Then I poked my nose. Yep, still had the sense of feeling in it. Hair – as I earlier had noticed – was still bright red. And way too long. It would take ages for me to solve the tangles in it. I sighed. I wouldn't have any free time today.

Next problem to be solved was my age. No wrinkles was to be seen, so definitely under thirty. Twenty, twenty-two, perhaps twenty-five? Blargh, I couldn't tell. Mystery lady, with her mystery age. If I was to be asked about my age, I would just say twenty-two. Better to be younger than old! I forced a smile on my face. I needed to be thinking positively!

”Ok, if I have flat boobs and no ass at all, I'm so not gonna think positively”, I threatened myself. I stepped few steps back and looked at my body. There were scars all over it. Positive thinking, positive thinking, where were you?! I closed my eyes and looked myself again, trying to find at least something positive.

”My boobs aren't flat!” I then said firmly. ”Just awfully small!” I poked my breast. ”Did you sleep past puberty or what happened? Oh fuck.” However my ass was tolerable. And I had to admit, I had muscles.

”And what does my back have to state about all this?” I inquired. ”Hiding under this hair of mine.” But when I pulled the hair out of the way, I fell silent. Oh, crap. And I had thought I had many scars at the front side of my body. I touched the scarring in my back. God, what had happened to my back? There were no normal skin left! My whole back was full of scar tissue.

My good mood was totally gone, when I stepped under the shower. The one who had did this to my body, was going to pay. Dearly.


	4. Chakradagapra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.   
> Word count: 4,580 Lotus Symphony tells me

”Akako-saaaaaaan, do you prefer green or blue?” I heard Yoshiko's voice through the door. ” I stopped rubbing my hair with a towel and thought about it for a while. Blue reminded me of the girl. So definitely not blue.

”Green”, I replied and wondered what Yoshiko was up to this time. I was still in a bad mood after seeing my body and I was afraid of snapping at Yoshiko.

”I'm back!” I heard her at the door. ”May I come in? I have a surprise for you!” She sounded so happy that I couldn't say no.

”Alright, come in”, I told her and pondered what the surprise might be.

”Clothes!” Yoshiko yelled, when she rushed in with a huge pile of clothing in her hands. ”I brought only the coolest and the prettiest! There were some way too old and mummified so I thought you wouldn't want to wear them.” I stared the pile in a state of shock. Where had she got them?

”I can't accept this”, I managed to utter.

”What? No doesn't count for an answer, you know! And besides, these are all from the hospital's storage room, because from time to time we get clothes as a donation. They are meant for the patients, you are a patient, you don't have clothes, so soldier – you are gonna take them, like it or not!” Yoshiko commanded me. I blinked. Did she have a personality disorder? But then she smiled and the scary I-command-you-Yoshiko was gone. ”Unless you want to go around naked”, she then said with a innocent smile.

”You are evil, Yoshiko-san”, I told her. ”Evil, evil person.” She giggled.

”I can't help it, I have way too much energy and way too little things to do! And oh yes, I really, really need your help if you don't mind?” I blinked again and before I even answered she continued:

”You remember that I have this reaaaally big date coming up, with a man I really, really, really, really, I mean – really – like and I have absolute no idea what I should wear!” She then took a pose for me. ”Should I be sexy and luscious or maybe shy and cute or beautiful and warm or or or...” she babbled.

”Uhm, what?” I asked. ”You lost me when you started speaking about some guy.”

”Oh yes, Iruka-sensei, he's so hot and I was so nervous to ask him out on date but he said yes and then I was flowing in the air and I was so happy and and and!” I noticed that her eyes where smiling with happiness. My bad mood was also starting to vanish. Yoshiko was good company for me.

”Why won't you just try to be yourself?” I suggested. Although I don't think Yoshiko could manage to pretend to be something else.

”But I'm afraid he won't like me”, Yoshiko said with sadness on her voice and sat on my bed. ”He's the first guy I've liked this much and I really want him to like me too!” I patted her shoulder. Hmm, when had I become the I-know-everything-about-love-affairs-please-be-free-to-consult-me?

”Well, if he doesn't like you, he doesn't deserve you”, I told her and sighed in my mind. That was a cliché, even I knew it.

”Yes, you're right”, Yoshiko said with determination in her voice. ”Thank you.” Then she held a pause. ”And if he doesn't like me, I'll just force him to!”

”Scary Yoshiko-san is back”, I yelped.

”Oh, sorry, I went overboard again. But yes, now that's taken care of, you should choose the clothes you want to keep and... Hmm, oh yes, I'll go get some fresh bandages.” Then she was gone again. I scratched my head. Was I ever gonna get use to Yoshiko's hyperactivity? Probably not. When I thought I'd seen everything, she'd just switch to the next gear. Phew, where did she get all her energy from?

I looked at the pile of clothes. Well, if no didn't count for an answer what options did I have? I sighed with a smile and started to browse trough it. There were lots of green garments and surprise, surprise, I picked myself an olive green shirt. Before I got to choose between pants, Yoshiko came back.

”Time to show me that wound of yours!” she said happily. ”It's been healing in an amazing speed. Are you sure you're not using your chakra to heal it yourself?” I blinked. My chakra? Chakra?

”Uhm, what?” I asked. I was totally lost. Yoshiko stared at me for a while.

”O'boy, your memory surely is lost...” she said. ”Uhm. Well, basically chakra is your physical and spiritual energy mixed together within your body. It's quite hard for me to explain it, since I dropped out of the Academy before graduating and I never quite got the hang of it...” Yoshiko answered and looked a bit ashamed.

”No worries, Yoshiko-san”, I told her. ”It's no big deal. Now, let's just change the bandages so I can put my clothes on. I don't feel comfortable in this towel.” I probably could find out about this chakra-thingie from somewhere else. Yoshiko grinned at me and then started to apply the medical ointment on my wound.

”You know, this probably won't even leave a big scar on you. But you truly are lucky to be alive. Just a half inch to the left and it would've pierced your heart”, Yoshiko said silently. ”But I'm glad you are alive! I like Akako-san!” Now it was my turn to be a bit ashamed.

”Oh, thanks”, I managed to mumble. ”I'll try to keep myself alive for now on.”

”That's something I would appreciate very much”, she told me firmly and rolled the gauze over my chest. ”By the way, mind if I call you Akako-chan? I really don't like the formal suffixed at all!” She tilted her head with a happy face. ”I like to think patients as my friends and not as strangers, who are just passing by.”

”Well, I don't mind. At all. Yoshiko-chan, I'd like to have a friend”, I told her. Actually, although Yoshiko was my nurse, I already had categorized her as a 'friend' and not as a 'nurse'.

”Yay!” Yoshiko clapped her hands. ”Then we can eat cookies together Akako-chan! Before I go on my date. I'll try to bring some books too, so you have something to do with your spare time! Oh, I'll go get some now!” After that Yoshiko was out of the room again, I had new bandages on my chest and clothes on the floor. And I absolutely had no fucking idea where the thought of cookies had came from. Maybe Yoshiko got her fuel from sugar?

I sighed, but happily, when I lifted the olive shirt from floor. Well now, where was I before the Return of the Nurse?

 

After a few hours of cookies (and telling nervous Yoshiko the date would turn out just fine) I was left alone with books. And after reading them I started to feel like I got the hang of the chakra-thingie. So the bad mood I had earlier was totally wiped away. Actually, life was kinda...smiling. I had food (cookies!), a nice bed, books and clothes. I had picked loose pants to go with the olive shirt (which actually was a bit too big for me, but cozy) and I felt really comfortable. The problem now was my hair. After straightening it out, it had decided to become electrically charged. I actually got electric shocks from anything I touched.

When I had finished the last book (about ninjutsu) I had nothing to do. The TV in my room was apparently not working, since no matter what button I pressed, nothing happened.

”Fucking idiot box”, I told it. ”You may have won this time, but the next time I'll kick your screen in.” Saying it out loud actually made me feel better and I giggled. ”Ok, don't worry mister TV, I won't kick you. I will just tell Yoshiko-chan about you and then you will get replaced and spend the next years of your miserable life in a junkyard. Hah, how do you feel about that?” I patted the TV and got an electrical shock.

”Oh, screw you”, I muttered. I was starting to get frustrated. I had nothing to do. And I wasn't sure how much I was allowed to circle around the hospital. But the room felt so small...

Then the thought about chakra hit me. I had spent the last four hours reading about it and how to use it, so why not try to actually use it? It couldn't hurt, could it?

I made my decision instantly. Hell yes I was gonna try it! I felt my whole body bursting with anticipation. I was so gonna try it.

But, actually, wait. How? My mood lowered. I didn't know any ninjutsu. And I wouldn't try them even if I knew. Too much risks in there. Genjutsu wouldn't work either. Taijutsu didn't use chakra.

”Oh, fuck, this sucks”, I stated. Although... the one book had mentioned about the chakra training. I rushed to the book and tried to find the right page.

”Training, training, training”, I repeated. ”Where are you when I need you the most? Oh, there, training!” The booked showed a picture of a ninja hanging upside down on a tree. I read the whole page carefully. So, the basic idea was to gather chakra at the bottoms of my feet? That didn't sound so hard. Then I should be able to walk on the surface of the tree. Although, in this case the tree was going to be the wall of my hospital room.

”Get yourself ready wall, I'm gonna come and walk on you!” I pointed the wall. ”Yes, you heard me right! You punk!” Then I walked next to it. Next stage: gather the chakra!

Except I didn't know how to do it. Actually, the books didn't explain it either. I scratched my head. Blimey, this wasn't so easy after all.

I thought for a while. I needed to gather energy to my feet. So, how would I do that?

”Go, chakra-thingie, go to my feet!” I stated although I was pretty sure it wouldn't be that easy. I accompanied my words with hand movements. I felt like a total idiot. Well, I had to try?

”Now, the moment of truth”, I said and put my left foot against the wall. I didn't feel secure at all. I closed my eyes and hoped with all my heart that I had at least something in my feet or otherwise I would land flat on my butt. I lifted my right leg as quickly as possible and placed it on the wall.

I didn't fall. It hit me. I really was standing on the wall. On a very weird position, because I was very afraid of falling, but still, I was standing there. I felt a tingling sensation on the bottom of my feet.

”Oh, goodness gracious, I love you God”, I told myself. Now, how did I move upwards? Perhaps it really had been the talking and hand movements? If that really was the case... Oh, Lord, ninja must look so stupid when fighting.

”Ok, chakra-thingie! We understand each other clearly now, don't we! Now, a step upwards. With the right foot. Now! Go chakra, go! And now the left. And right. And left. And now a huge leap with right! Now to the ceiling! Let's start with left this time! Oh fuck, this is so fun! Now, right! Left foot, move, right, move!”

”What are you actually trying to do?” a voice interrupted me. And it startled me too. Badly. I fell. On the bastard's lap. He got me. I don't know if I'd have been happier with the floor catching me. Surely it would've hurt, but now my pride was the one being injured.

”Fuck you”, I told Kakashi. He frowned at me.

”You were falling”, he answered bluntly. ”I could have let you hit on the floor instead, but I decided to be a nice guy this time. As I always am.”

”No you're not. Nice people knock. You know perfectly well it was your fault I was started to fall in the first place!” I wasn't going to be easy on him.

”Actually, I did knock. And I heard you were in here, since you were talking to yourself. So, I helped myself in”, he said and looked at me firmly with his left eye. With face only ten centimeters away from mine. I was starting to feel rather uncomfortable. He still hadn't let me from his arms. Actually, had I tried to leave?

”You would rather have landed on the floor? I caught you, because I didn't want you to get hurt, but if you really insist, I can let you land on your butt next time you feel like it”, he then continued. I actually felt my face blush. Oh crappity crap, crap, crap. Now really wasn't the time to be blushing.

”Not to mention you were hilarious with your 'left foot, move, right foot, move'”, he ended and grinned under his mask. This time I blushed with irritation. That son of a bitch!

”I've said this before, I say it again: Fuck you”, I growled and started to struggle to get myself free. He dropped me on my feet and I twirled around to meet him face to face. ”I was beginning to think, that you actually are a nice guy after all, but now that I think it again, you aren't. You are an ass.” And he had the nerve to still be grinning at me.

”I still think you were hilarious. I will cherish this memory until the day I die”, he told me. I really had to do my everything to not to hit him.

”What's wrong with talking while doing? After all, I succeeded in controlling my chakradagapra! I walked on the fucking ceiling.” I had an urgent need to poke him in the chest. Just to make myself clear. But I didn't, because he would've just dodged it.

”I give you credit for being able to pull out such a stunt, but really: 'go, chakra, go?'. That's just... Actually”, he held a pause, ”do you have any idea what you were doing?” He sounded like he didn't really want to know the answer.

”I was walking on the walls, with my chakra, because I was bored and wanted to try it out”, I said. He really had started to annoy me. Kakashi looked a bit disturbed after hearing my answer.

”So actually you had no idea what you were doing”, he concluded. ”You have no idea how to control your chakra and still you tried something like that? Are you an idiot?” Actually, let's change that 'disturbed' to 'angry'.

”Don't call me an idiot!” I almost shouted. ”How the hell I'm supposed to know what I can do and what I can't do? I'm the one who has amnesia you know!” I really needed to hit something or otherwise it would soon be Kakashi's face under my fist. ”I read about the training from books and decided to give it a try. Well, if that was so wrong for me to try something like that, then be at least happy I didn't do some fire ninjutsu! Although, now I'm thinking I should!” Oh, the tension was building up inside me. It really was.

”Well that's just fine! Do whatever you like, don't care about the consequences! You could have crushed that wall with your chakra you know! If you use it too much, the surface you're trying to walk on, will explode! It's that what you want?” Oh yes, he was good at this. He was damn good making me feel guilty. Oh the glory.

”Does that wall look like exploding to you!” I yelled. ”No! It has no crackles on it! I didn't use too much chakra! I did it right!” Actually I know that Kakashi would probably win the debate, but... I guess I'm a lousy loser then? The urgent need to hit something just grew inside me. I was a really lousy loser.

”No you didn't, you shouldn't be saying 'Go, chakra, go' while controlling your chakra! Think it for a while, does it actually make any sense to you?! How would shinobi's fight one another if chakra would be controlled by voice? That's just... plainly dumb!”

”Well, the books didn't tell me how it's done!” I still tried. Ok, I had already lost hadn't I? Now I was angry at myself. Oh fuck, I really needed to hit something. Really, really bad. I heard a buzz in the back of my head. I would hit him. I would definitely hit him soon. Know when to stop. That was something he clearly didn't know. I wasn't stupid and I didn't like to be called one!

”Maybe you should've asked someone who knows and not be a fool, who tries something she clearly doesn't understand!” The next thing I heard was an awful crunch. The thing after that was the feeling of awful pain. Kakashi turned his head a little and looked a bit shocked.

”Did you just...? Oh fuck”, he said. That was the first time I heard him use a swear word. It actually surprised me a bit and I was going to point that out to him, but absolutely nothing came from my mouth. I had been so mad. So fucking mad. But now I knew I truly was an idiot. Kakashi's face had been lucky today.

”Alright, don't panic”, Kakashi said to me. Panic?! Me?! I was not going to panic. I was going to scream soon. The pain had really started to hit me. I felt an urgent need to yell 'fuck' as hard as I could. ”Go sit on the bed, I'll call the nurse.” I turned to look at my fist. I still leaned it against the wall I had hit. It had broken. I could see my own bones. My own fucking bones.

”Akako, breathe”, Kakashi told me and took a firm grip of my shoulder. ”Now, sit on the bed.” He led me to the bed and pushed me down. ”Sit. Stay”, I heard him say. The pain stirred in my hand. I stared at my knuckles. What had I done? What an idiot I was! Who would actually hit a wall? I almost laughed at myself.

I felt something soft in my hand. Kakashi had pressed a towel against it, probably to stop the bleeding. The towel woke me back to face the pain. God, it was horrible. I didn't want to feel it. Not at all.

”Go away”, I whispered to it. ”Go fucking away.” The pain had woke an unpleasant feeling inside of me. This wasn't new. Pain was familiar to me. I hated pain. I hated it, and I wanted it to go away.

”What? I'm not going anywhere, the nurse is already coming here, I pressed the call-button”, Kakashi answered. ”Try to calm down, everything's gonna be fine.” No, everything wasn't going to be fine. I wanted the pain to leave. Right now!

”No, I want it to go away”, I muttered absent-minded. ”Make it go away, please.” Kakashi forced me to look him in the eye.

”Calm down, the nurse is gonna come soon with med-nins, they are going to make you feel better”, I heard him say. I really wanted to believe him, but I couldn't. I started to stare at the towel. I felt my knuckles under it. They were the source of the pain. I had to do something about them. I needed to fix the bones, fix the skin, fix everything and the pain would go away.

”Akako, what are you doing?” I heard Kakashi ask. I didn't answer. Wasn't it obvious? I was fixing things to way they were. We both heard the crunches coming from my hand. I almost passed out due to pain.

”Don't try to move your hand, you'll just make it worse!” I felt him take a good grip out of my shoulder. ”If you don't stop this, I'll have to force you to.” And I stopped. Not because he had told me to. But because I was ready. I felt tired, but I had fixed it. No more pain. I didn't want to feel pain ever again. ”Akako, are you here? Do you hear me?”

”I fixed it”, I told him with a happy smile. He looked at me confused and revealed my hand under the bloody towel. It was a perfectly healthy hand, with no broken bones nor skin. Only thing that proved it had actually been a mess while ago, were small scars and the blood on the towel. Not to mention the crack on the wall.

”Akako”, Kakashi started. ”How did you do this?” I looked at him confused. Didn't he know how to do it?

”I... I...” Actually, I had no idea myself. ”I told it to go away.” Kakashi looked at me with amazement in his eye.

”You... You can actually heal yourself with your chakra? Did you feel something similar to when you walked on the ceiling?” he asked. I thought about it for a while. Perhaps, yes. Well, not quite the same. It had felt little different.

”It felt green”, I answered him. ”The walking felt blue.” Then the nurse came rushing in. It wasn't Yoshiko of course, since she was on her date, but someone taking care of the night shift.

”Something was wrong in here?” she asked. ”Emergency?” Kakashi stood up from the bed and scratched his head.

”No, not anymore. She just lost herself for a while”, he explained. I stared at him. Oh, no, he didn't just? Oh yes, he did. The nurse looked at me with a weird look and then smiled while looking extremely uncomfortable.

”Well, I'm glad there a jonins to take care of her”, she said to Kakashi. ”Please, be free to call me, if she needs sedatives.” I felt my mouth fell open. She was actually believing Kakashi! I wasn't crazy, for fuck's sake! The nurse left the room before I got to explain to her what really had happened, so instead of her I decided to glare at Kakashi.

”Oh, don't look at me like that, it's better she doesn't know what really happened”, Kakashi told me. ”And actually, if you punch a wall so hard you break your knuckles...” Ok, he had a point again. I sighed.

”I know. I lost myself totally.”

”So, you were saying it was green, not blue?” Kakashi asked me. ”That would indicate it was healing chakra.”

”No shit?” I murmured. ”I wouldn't have guessed.”

”So funny. Would you have guessed only highly advanced users of healing chakra can use it to themselves? It's not common, not at all.”

”I sort of figured that out when you didn't know how to do it”, I answered. Was I being too cocky? Maybe I was. He deserved it. It was his fault I had hit the wall. I looked at my knuckles. So Yoshiko had been right after all. I had helped my chest to heal as well.

”You really have a nasty attitude”, he sighed.

”Well, you were the one to sneak on me, call me an idiot and the reason why I hit the wall! Be lucky, it wasn't your face. And actually, what are you doing here? We already filled the form.”

”I was appointed to take the night shift and I decided it would be nice to say hi, since you don't have that much visitors, but apparently you don't need them.” He sounded a bit angry and yeah, he made me feel guilty again.

”Oh”, I just said. I felt extremely guilty. He was really trying to be nice to me and here I was... Oh my. Damn this pride of mine! ”I'm sorry for being a true pain in the ass.” Phew, it was hard for me to say it.

”No harsh feelings”, he answered. ”But don't pull such stunts again. I really don't want you to get hurt.” He had a soft look on his face and I felt the blush coming again. God, he was a hard person! I tried to keep my poker face. No blushing, no blushing, I told myself.

”I think you should go to sleep soon, you've used quite amount of chakra tonight. I'll be somewhere nearby reading, so if you need something, call the nurse or me.” I decided immediately I would rather call the nurse.

”So actually your night shift is for what?” I then asked. A thought had crept to my head. He looked at me confused.

”I'm supposed to watch that you don't snap again. If you do, I'm ordered to put you to bed by force, so nurses can give you sedatives. I think I've mentioned about it before?” Yes, he had said something about jonins keeping an eye on me, but I didn't think they still would do it. But wait - how did they know when I snapped, if they stayed in another room? Kakashi looked at me with a suspiciously.

”Why you have such a funny face?” he asked me.

”Do you actually keep on eye on me the whole time?”

”Well. Yes, we kinda have to. It's orders, you know.” He still looked suspicious. I think he guessed where I was getting at.

”How? You can't see through walls.” Now Kakashi had a slight tint of red on his cheek. ”So, how you do it actually? I'm quite curious.”

”That mirror isn't really a mirror”, he revealed. I felt my face turn red. I knew it had to be the answer but still. I had poked at my naked breast in front of it after I had returned from the shower.

”You son of a bitch”, I yelled.

”I wasn't in that shift!”

”Pervs! That's all you are! Peeping Toms!”

”I wasn't in that shift, do you not hear me!”

”Well, I bet someone was! After all I am so dangerous with my nonexistent breasts!” I felt the anger stir inside me again.

”I don't actually think they are that small”, Kakashi answered before thinking. Then he realized what he had just said and guessed it was better for him to leave.

”I'll categorize you as 'a bastard'”, I murmured to myself.


	5. The first nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.  
> Word count: 2,636  
> Warnings: Gore, violence, language

_I woke up to feel a cold stone underneath me. It was so cold my skin ached when touching. But it had to be so. This was the way it was meant to be. I had no other choices. I wanted to be free and this was the only way._

_It had been his idea. Or mine? Actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure. Everything is kind of blurry. Memories in the mist, wandering. I tried to catch them, but they just laughed at me and ran away. Or maybe I had chased them away._

_I wanted to move. I needed to move. My body ached, it screamed for warmness I no longer had in me. But I must not. For me to be free, I needed be dead. The coldness crept inside me and the pain... oh, the pain almost made me scream. But I wasn't able to do so. If I'd done it, everything, every little thing I had done to go this far... It would be for nothing. The pain, the sorrow. My life._

_I had slowed my heart. It was hard for me to think properly. Normal people would've already been dead. But not me. Sometimes I had cursed my bloodline. Now I thanked it. Because of it, I'd be reborn. A new life was waiting for me._

_A thought about it almost made me smile. At last, I could be free._

_Then the door opened. My heart skipped a slow beat. Who? There shouldn't be people anymore. Mourners had come, mourners had gone. No one should've come back. The crypt was sealed. I was the last one of my clan. No one was allowed to come here!_

_The steps drew closer. I held my breath. I could held it for ages, but that would mean slowing my heart down even more. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to do it. Perhaps it was just mourner and would leave soon? They had all been convinced I was dead._

_”So fresh”, the voice whispered. ”So young.” I felt a finger caress my stomach. ”This is were the fatal wound is? I wonder... should I?” I felt terrified. It was a male, but I didn't recognize the voice. What did he want from my dead body? Surely he didn't know I was alive?_

_The pain hit me unexpectedly. He was ripping my wound open with a dagger! I felt its edge slice my stomach. I felt an urgent need to scream. He would notice! He definitely would notice!_

_”Oh, you are so fresh... This is so rare for me.” His voice was trembling with anticipation. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything. I had come so far, I couldn't stop now! I wouldn't stop now!_

_At first I was able to lie silent. But when he lifted my organs, when he lifted my intestines and started devouring them, a scream escaped from my lips. I had never felt such a pain. Such horror. I needed to get up. I needed to fight!_

_I forced my eyes open just in time to met his._

_”I'll make you shut up”, he told me with blood dripping from his mouth. ”I'll teach you to stay dead.” He took out his dagger and placed it on my neck._

_”Please”, I managed to say before he cut my throat open._

 

I woke up to the immense feeling I wasn't alone. But when I looked around the hospital dark room, I couldn't see anybody. Still, I had an urgent need to get the lights on. The darkness made me feel claustrophobic. I rose from the bed and rushed to the direction I assumed the switch was. Lights, I needed lights.

Before I got even near the switch, the nausea hit me. The dream came back to me. I still could feel the pain I had felt when the man had... I swallowed the vomit which had started to climb up my throat and rushed towards the bathroom. There I threw up everything I had eaten before the night.

After having the not so pleasant chat with the toilet seat, I sat on the bathroom floor and tried to keep the tears inside of me (I clearly had failed with the food) when I heard that someone was behind the door. I was feeling paranoid and was sure that the man from my dreams had come to finish me off.

”Are you alright?” Kakashi's voice asked. ”You kinda left in a hurry.” I started trembling, because I was so relieved. There wasn't a flesh eating man behind the door! But I couldn't answer Kakashi. The relief had caused my tears to burst out even though I tried my best to stop them. I wouldn't let him to have the satisfaction of seeing me crying. ”Akako? If you are not answering me, I'll come through the door.” I tried to cool myself down and swallowed some of the tears.

”It isn't locked”, I told him with a shivering voice. ”But if you come in now, I will smack your face.” I heard a sigh through the door.

”What is wrong? You have women's problems? I can go and fetch the nurse.” I stopped crying immediately. God, he knew how to make me annoyed.

”Idiot, I don't have my period now! And I surely wouldn't ask your help even if I did”, I snapped at him. The dream still lurked in the back of my head. I felt a shiver running down my spine. Oh, where was the amnesia when I needed it? But actually, I was feeling a bit better. Probably because I was beginning to be mad at Kakashi again.

”So you are going to stay the whole night there?” Instead of answering him I took the toothbrush and applied some toothpaste on it. ”Akako?”

”Kakashi, I have a toothbrush and I'm not afraid to use it, so please, leave”, I told him and started brushing me teeth firmly. Of course he didn't leave but instead opened the door and peeked in. I stared at him annoyed. Had I told him he could come in? No.

”You look terrible”, he pointed out. I glanced myself from the mirror. Oh yeah, red teary eyes and swallowed face. I thought I was just adorable.

”Fuch fuu”, I mumbled with the toothbrush in my mouth. Kakashi looked worried.

”No, seriously, are you alright?” he asked me again. ”You worry me.” I felt the fear lurk back to me. I closed my eyes. I wasn't going to cry. I wasn't going to think about the dream again. It had been just a bad dream. No need to memorize it.

”I will be”, I answered after a while and opened my eyes. ”I definitely will be.”

”So, right now you are not?” Kakashi concluded. I glanced at him. Why was he teasing me? Clearly he could see, I wasn't comfortable at the moment? Wrong time Kakashi, come back tomorrow and maybe I could enlighten you.

”Do we really have to do this now?” I asked him after I had finished my cleaning operation. ”I saw a bad dream, that's all.” After stating that out I left the bathroom. I heard Kakashi following me.

”Are you sure it was a dream and not a memory?” he pointed out. I stopped. No, it couldn't have... I had died, hadn't I? I started trembling again, with no visible reason. It had been a mere dream, I told myself. Nothing more.

”Don't do that, please”, I pled. ”It wasn't a pleasant dream and I would feel much better if it would just fade away, like dreams should.”

”I don't think you should let it fade”, he then argued. ”What if it is important?” I stopped. My stomach burned where the man had cut it open.

”In my opinion... there isn't anything important in it.” I was tired. Why was he being so persistent? Bad dreams happened, there wasn't any deeper meaning in them.

”But what if there is?” he said firmly. ”What if it really was a memory or a part of it? You can't be sure!” I stayed silent. I was gonna lose this one too? Clearly arguing with Kakashi was pointless. What a pain in the ass he was.

”If it was a memory, I should be dead”, I told him while walking back to my room. ”And I clearly am alive.” Kakashi tilted his head.

”Well, you should be dead from that chest wound too”, he stated. I rolled my eyes and sat on my bed.

”You surely are a persistent bastard”, I stated. He was really getting on my nerves. And actually made me feel guilty about it! He just smiled at me.

”So?” he then asked.

”So what?” I muttered. Oh, why wouldn't he just go away?

”You're gonna tell me what happened? And don't say no immediately. I could really be of assistance.” I sighed. I should've just said I had my period and this whole thing would be over already.

”You clearly aren't leaving before I tell you, are you?” I verified. The bastard was smiling to me again. ”Actually, don't answer, I think I know already.” I then held a pause. Oh God, I really didn't want to do this. I closed my eyes, so I wouldn't need to look at Kakashi's face. I was irritated by just seeing him.

”The dream starts when I'm lying on a cold stone. It's probably a small stand in a crypt. You know, so people can light candles and mourn besides it. Well, I'm just lying there, trying to be dead. Because someone had told me to do so. He and I had a plan. I would fake my own death and that way be free. And don't ask, I don't know where I wanted to be free from.” I memorized the dream for a while. ”I think he had at least sliced my stomach open and pierced through my left lung. After that I had slowed my heart beat down and controlled my healing so that I would definitely stay alive, but appear as dead. And no, I wasn't afraid of not being able to heal myself. I had never had problems with healing, so why would I have them now? It's because of the bloodline limit, I tell myself.”

”Bloodline limit?” Kakashi interrupted. ”That would surely explain a lot. As far as I can see, we already have found out something important. Now, please continue.”

”For a moment in the dream, I am happy. But then the crypt door opens and I feel terrified. The crypt had already been sealed, so there shouldn't be anyone coming. So I am afraid that someone has found out that I'm not dead and will take me back. I try to stay as silent as I can and slow my heart rate down. I had already started to heal my wounds and if he would check them, he would surely notice. I was so afraid... He then speaks to himself. How I am fresh and young. He caresses my skin at the same time. I feel disgusted by his touch, but I'm too afraid to do anything.” I felt the tears coming to my eyes again. Damn, not now! I decided to continue with the recap anyway.

”Then I feel how he touches my wound and says 'Should I?'. I don't know what he is thinking about and I'm only worrying about who he's definitely gonna find out that I am alive and I have to go back. The terror inside of me grows. But still I hadn't prepared myself enough for what he did. He sliced me open with a dagger. The pain was horrible but I told myself to endure it. I'd have to endure it, otherwise the pain I had suffered earlier would've been for nothing. But when... when he started to devour me a scream escaped from me. I couldn't help it. I was so scared”, I felt the tears run down my cheeks. ”He then realizes I am alive and when I open my eyes, I see him stare at me. There's blood, my blood, dripping from his mouth on me and he places his dagger on my throat. I'll manage to say 'please' before he cuts my throat open. Then, I woke up”, I stopped. I trembled again. The feeling when he was devouring my guts... I couldn't stop shaking. I couldn't stop imagining it over and over again.

I felt Kakashi's arm over my shoulder. He had came to sit next to me.

”I'm sorry”, he said silently. ”I didn't know it had been that bad.” He then place a handkerchief on my hand. I sniffled. Why was he being so nice again?

”Fuck you”, I told him between the tears. ”And I mean it this time.” He winced.

”At least I deserved this one”, he then sighed. ”Are you feeling any better?” My mouth fell open. What, I should feel better after receiving a mere handkerchief? Was he stupid or just emotionally incapable of understanding other's feelings?

”What? Feeling better?! After you have just... Oh for fuck's sake, get off me.” I tried to push his hand away, but he just tightened his grip.

”I wont go anywhere”, he said to me softly and brought his face close to mine. ”Not until you stop crying.” I leaned away from his face.

”Why are you being so nice again?” I asked. ”I'm starting to think you have some sort of bipolar personality.” I was suspicious. Kakashi was supposed to be an ass and not comfort me. I furrowed. ”Are you just waiting for a chance to grab my belly and scream 'intestine festival'?”

”Why are you being so paranoid?” Kakashi sighed. ”I truly am nice.” I looked at him.

”No. No you are not”, I concluded. ”You are a bastard, a Peeping Tom and on top of that, you made me cry.”

”And I'm sorry for that”, he said. ”I've said it twice now.”

”Ok, ok, you are forgiven. Now take your hand off?”

”No.”

”Why?”

”Because you are still shaking.” He looked at me steadily. ”If you ask me, it was a memory.” I shook my head.

”No, I died”, I tried to start, but Kakashi put his index finger on my lips.

”I know you have huge scar on your stomach. Here”, he stated and put his hand on my belly. ”And there is a scar on your throat too. Its barely visible, but it is there.”

I stared at him. It wasn't true! I shook my head again. It couldn't have been true!

”No”, I said. But again, before I had said it I knew I was going to lose. This time I wasn't even angry about it.

”You can't defy your past”, Kakashi broke the silence. ”But you can decide what to do with your future.” He made sense. I could gain nothing by grieving over something that had already happened. But still, whenever I closed my eyes, I could just see my own blood dripping.

”Will you stay up with me?” I asked Kakashi. ”I kinda lost my will to sleep.” I smiled apologetic. He patted my head.

”I would've, even if you didn't want me to.”


	6. Silence Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I don't get any money from writing this fic.  
> Word count: 2,466  
> Warnings: Cursing.

“Hey there, sleepyhead, I need to go.” I felt someone poking at me.

“Whaaa?” I said and opened my eyes. God, it felt difficult. I found my head over Kakashi's thigh. I probably had used it as a pillow. Wow, I actually had slept.

“Sorry, but I need to leave. I have a meeting with my team”, Kakashi said and ruffled my hair. “Are you feeling any better?” I pushed his hand away from me.

“Don't do that please, it'll take ages for me solve the tangles”, I yawned. Kakashi grinned at me.

“Well, at least you'll have something to do?” he stated. “See you later, I have to go now. I'm already late.”

“Yep, see ya. And don't you dare to tell anyone about my dreams!” I yelled after him. He just waved his hand and was out of the room, before I could even threaten him. I snorted at myself. If Yoshiko would know about my dreams – no, about my memories – she would freak out. Definitely. I scratched my head. Well, I would just have to trust to Kakashi. The thought didn't make me feel happy. Ok, the bastard had been nice and his thigh really was comfortable, but still, I didn't know if he was trustworthy. Or if anyone here was trustworthy.

I sighed and rose from the bed. My head felt a bit dizzy due to the lack of sleep, but I was amazed that I actually had managed to sleep for few hours. And in the daylight, the memory about my past didn't haunt me so much.

“Good morning, Akako-chan”, Yoshiko said and rushed in the room. “Here's your breakfast! Good old Miso soup!” Yoshiko sounded a bit strange and when I looked at her, she didn't look so good either. Her eyes were swollen and red.

“Yoshiko-can, are you alright?” I asked. “You look like you've been crying.” Yoshiko snuffed and sat on my bed.

“It was horrible! Totally horrible!” she then stated. I was beginning to ask what was so horrible, when I remembered that she had her date last night. I felt curious.

“What went wrong then? He wasn't anything you'd imagined?” I inquired. Yoshiko looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“No, he was the most sweetest man I've ever known. I was the one being horrible”, she explained. “You see, it all started fell apart when we were in the movies. I had picked the movie to watch and little did I know it was all about sex! Oh God, I was so ashamed. After the movie we just walked around in awkward silence.” Yoshiko paused for a while.

“So why didn't you explain to him that you didn't know what the movie was about?” I said to her. “I'm sure he would've understood. Especially, if you make the cute-Yoshiko-face!”

“I did! I did tell him. And yes, he understood and then he suggested we should take a drink together. And we went to this all-night-ramen-bar and... Well. Sake doesn't suit me at all. I drank one cup of it and then I was dancing on the table. And I should've stopped the drinking then, but because I'm an idiot and so on, I didn't. So, the night ended with me vomiting in a bush and Iruka-sensei holding my purse. And now I'm sure he doesn't want to see me ever again. I'm a total failure!” I had a really hard time keeping my cool-face on.

“Yoshiko-chan... You really danced on a table?” I recapped. “Really?”

“Oh yes. Tree times. After that I kicked a ramen bowl on Iruka-sensei's lap and the owner said that we needed to leave.” My mouth started twitching.

“You kicked the... Oh my God.” No, this wasn't the time to laugh. Yoshiko was my friend. You don't laugh at your friend's failure. No matter how funny. Oh fuck, I'm a crappy friend.

“Don't you dare to laugh at me, Akako-chan!” Yoshiko snapped, when she realized a smile had come to my face. “This is not funny at all!”

“I'm sorry, Yoshiko-chan. But think about the bright sides. You surely made an impression!” Then I couldn't keep the laugh inside me anymore.

“Oh, shut up and eat your breakfast already, I'm going to eat some painkillers”, Yoshiko told me. “After that we can make the paper work and I'll bring you your stuff.” Oh yes, this was the day, when I could leave the hospital. I had already forgotten.

“Shouldn't you check my wound first?” I asked. Yoshiko raised her eyebrow.

“Nah, it has been healing so well. But if you have any complications, you can contact the hospital. And I'll give the ointment with you. If the wound starts itching or aching, it should help.”

“Ok. Are you mad at me?” She looked annoyed. Actually, she wasn't to blame. I had laughed at her.

“A bit, but it'll be okay. I'll just eat some cookies and I'll be fine in no time.” She then made a happy-face. “Yoshiko-chan, off to the cookie jar!” She was out of the room before I blinked. Damn, she was quick. Then my stomach made a demanding growl.

“Oh shut up, tummie, I'm gonna eat now.” I tapped it and started scooping the soup in to my mouth. Today was going to be a good day, I told myself. Today, I was going to have my own apartment and hopefully a job. Today, I would start my life in Konoha.

 

“Yoshiko-chan, how the fuck am I supposed to find this place? I don't know Konoha at all!” I tapped at the paper in front of me. “At least give me a map!” Yoshiko grinned at me. Oh, was this her revenge? Dear Lord, it would take ages for me to find my apartment.

“Don't worry, Akako-chan!” Yoshiko told me. “A surprise is waiting for you outside.”

“I'm not sure I want to know what your surprise is”, I answered. Yoshiko just smiled at me. Well, guess I had no choice. I took the bag filled with clothes and started to make my way out of the hospital room.

“You gonna leave without hugging poor old Yoshiko-chan?” Yoshiko asked me with sad voice. I looked behind me and grinned. Yoshiko sure was strange.

“I'm gonna come back tomorrow for the job interview. Don't look so sad. Besides, you said you're gonna come visit me later tonight. And you are not old.”

“I want a hug now!” Yoshiko stated and crossed her arms. “And that's the end of the line!” How could I refuse that?

“You are a strange person, Yoshiko-chan. But that is why I like you”, I said and hugged her. “See ya later tonight.” Yoshiko clapped her hands happily.

Outside the hospital I saw the surprise Yoshiko had talked about. There were Kakashi and his team. I recognized Naruto and waved at him. Other two I didn't know.

“Mystery Lady-chaaaan!” Naruto yelled. “I still owe you! My nose still hurts!” I laughed at him.

“I'm not going to let you punch my nose, you idiot”, I told him and ruffled his hair. I nodded to Kakashi as a greeting and he nodded back.

“I like her! She said Naruto is an idiot!” the girl with pink hair said. “I'm Haruno Sakura! Pleased to meet you!”

“Likewise. I'm Akako.”

“Uchiha Sasuke”, black haired boy stated briefly.

“AND I AM UZUMAKI NARUTO!” Naruto yelled. I blinked.

“I already know your name, Naruto-kun”, I said. “And in my opinion, after that yell of yours, everyone in Konoha knows.”

“Well, it's not a bad thing, is it?” Naruto grinned at me. I grinned back. Damn, the kid was hilarious. “Now Mystery Lady-chan, let's go to eat some ramen!” Then Naruto grabbed my hand and started pulling me forward.

“You just ate Naruto-kun, you can't be hungry again!” Sakura pointed out. “Besides, she can't carry that bag of hers around Konoha. Let's first go to her apartment.”

“But I want ramen now!” Naruto complained. I saw Sakura's eyebrow twitch and next thing I knew, she hit Naruto in the head.

“You are an idiot, Naruto-kun!” she yelled. Sasuke sighed. I looked at Kakashi, who was absorbed in his book.

“They are always like this?” I asked. Kakashi just nodded. “I thought so.” Then I turned my attention back to the kids, who still seemed to be arguing about what should we do. “Oi! Attention here!” I clapped my hands. “First, we go to see my apartment, then we go to eat.”

“I told you so”, Sakura said to Naruto. Oh, this was going to be a long day.

“Oh please Lord, kill me now”, I muttered to myself.

“Alright, Mystery Lady-chan, where do you live?” Naruto asked. I passed him the paper with the address on it. He stared at it for a while.

“Are you kidding me?” he stated. “You are my new neighbor! How cool is that! We can go and eat ramen everyday!” He was beginning to be very enthusiastic. Sakura peeked at the paper over Naruto's shoulder.

“Yep, you are his new neighbor. I feel so sorry for you”, she told me. I grinned at her.

“Why? If he wants to offer me ramen everyday, that's fine by me.” I laughed inside when I saw Naruto's face change from enthusiastic to annoyed.

“What? I'm not going to pay for you! You are going to pay for me!” Naruto protested.

“Sorry mate, I'm broke!” I said and shrugged my shoulders. “No can do!” Naruto muttered something to himself and started to pull me the other way.

“Alright then, it's this way, No Money-chan.”

“It's Akako”, I corrected him.

“Ramen stealer-chan.”

“You ought to teach some manners to him”, I said to Kakashi. Although, I wasn't completely serious.

“I don't think you have the right to say so”, he stated.

“Fuck you”, I laughed. “Like I don't know it. So, is the El Bastardo being nice to you?” I asked from Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke. They all stared at me and then at Kakashi.

“By El Bastardo you mean...?” Sakura turned her eyes from me to Kakashi and then back at me.

“Oh yeah, this bastard right next to me”, I said happily and patted Kakashi's shoulder.

“Such a foul language...” Kakashi muttered. “And I was actually beginning to think you are nice.” I smirked at him.

“Well, I can be nice only for a short amount of time. Then my true nature pops out. Can't really help it. It's genetically imprinted in me.”

“Like the need for Ramen in me!” Naruto figured. I poked him in the head.

“No, that's just you being greedy”, I stated with Sakura nodding beside me.

It didn't take long for us to reach my apartment. It was just across the street from Naruto's. But still, it looked eerie.

“How long has it been empty?” I asked from Naruto.

“About six months. The old lady died and it has been empty since.”

“Oh, great. I'll have a dead person's apartment”, I said to myself. “Must be my lucky day. Well, can't judge a book by it's cover.” Then I looked at Kakashi's book and felt my mood lower. “Then again, yes I can.”

“Ah, hurry up already, Ramen buyer-chan, I want to see!” Naruto rushed. I glanced at him and took the key out from my pocket. The door made creaking sound when opened. Note to myself: buy oil for the hinges. Naruto ran in first.

“Geez, it's dusty in here!” he yelled. Sakura sneezed. Kakashi peeked in quickly.

“Cozy”, he said. I glared at him. Now wasn't the time to be cheeky.

“Screw you”, I told him and looked back at the apartment. Well, actually. It wasn't so bad. It was just dusty. And bit old.

“But I meant it”, Kakashi muttered and concentrated back on his book.

“Whoaa! What a huge bed! Can I move in with you?” Naruto asked. I furrowed.

“Sorry, kiddo, but no.”

“Can I at least have the bed? You can have mine, Akako-chan!”

“If you pay me my Ramen for the next year”, I suggested.

“No deal, missie!”

“I thought so.” I took a good look at the apartment. It was fairly small. There was a small kitchen, bedroom and bathroom. But good heaven, there was a bathtub. God must exist!

“You have a pretty good view from your window, Akako-chan!” Sakura yelled from the bedroom. “But the bed is just average, not big.”

“Not big?! Look at it! Five me would fit perfectly! Kage bunshin no jutsu!” I heard my bed shriek.

“You should probably go and check what Naruto is up to”, Sasuke suggested. Geez, this was the second time I heard him speaking. He was either shy or extremely egoistic.

“Ok, what the fuck are you doi-. What the fuck”, I said. There were five Narutos lying on my bed.

“See! We all fit!” all five said in choir. I needed to count to ten. I could handle one Naruto. Maybe even two. Three would prove to be difficult. But five? Nooooo...

“I tried to stop him, I really tried”, Sakura explained.

“Naruto-kun, please don't break my bed, will ya?” I asked calmly. “I don't want to sleep on the floor. And besides, it's average bed. It's just meant for two people and you are small.”

“I am not!” Narutos protested.

“You are the shortest one of us, Naruto-kun”, Sakura said to him.

“Naruto! Sakura! Come here!” Kakashi ordered, probably to prevent a fight. Four Narutos disappeared with a small “puff” sound and before I even noticed, both Naruto and Sakura were back in the kitchen.

“Here you go”, Kakashi told them with a smile and gave them a mop and a bucket. “Our mission is to clean this apartment.” They looked shocked and murmured for a while. I scratched my hair.

“You really don't need to do”, I started, but Kakashi once again put a finger on my lips and pointed at the corner. Then again, looking at Sasuke with rainbow-colored duster... He surely had a point.


	7. Familiar Place, Familiar Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: No, I don't own Naruto.  
> Word count: 2,972  
> Warnings: Swearing. Still.

I sneezed when I opened the drawers in the bedroom. We had already cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, so bedroom was the only room left. The apartment had all the basic furniture (probably the ex-owner's) and some minor surprises. Naruto found a rodent nest near the kitchen sink and Sasuke a dead rat behind the bookshelf.

“Well, at least you won't be living alone”, Kakashi said to me and patted my shoulder. I decided that answering nothing would be the best solution.

“Should we take the mattress to outside and dust it there?” Sakura suggested. I nodded and sneezed again. The drawers were full of dust and old clothes. I could probably get rid of the clothes by donating them to the hospital.

“Kakashi-sensei, we can't lift the mattress if you are sitting on it!” Sakura yelled. “Get off! Now! Actually, have you done anything but been on our way?” I grinned at myself. Sakura would definitely prove to be a good wife someday.

“I have done my part”, Kakashi said and rose from the bed. “Now, hurry up, we have to be ready before noon.” I glanced at him. He had done nothing. I knew. I had watched. Nothing but reading his perverted little book.

“Why before noon?” three Narutos asked in choir. They looked worried. “Do we have time to eat ramen?”

“If you hurry up”, Kakashi answered. Naruto gulped and switched to another gear. Now my apartment contained ten Narutos.

“Sakura-chan! Dodge, I'm taking the mattress out! Unlike Sasuke-kun!” Naruto shouted.

“Sasuke-kun is dusting! It's an important duty!” Sakura argued and looked at Sasuke with dreamy eyes. I could tell from Sasuke's look that he was annoyed. Well, the rainbow-colored duster... I chuckled.

“Carrying out a mattress is more...” Naruto stopped in the middle of the sentence, because both Kakashi and Sakura where giving him 'the look'. You know, the look when you understand that arguing won't do anything good. You've already lost. “Ok, I'm going now...” Naruto, or more like five of him, sighed.

“So, are we anywhere near ready?” Kakashi asked me.

“Well, I guess so. I probably am able to do the rest myself. There isn't much to do really.” I looked around. Actually, the apartment turned out to be quite nice. Ok, it was small and old, but at the same time very cozy.

“Alright, mattress dusted! What's next?” Naruto shouted behind me and put the mattress back on the bed. I was startled a bit.

“Holy fuck, you were quick!” I said amazed. He was back in less than five minutes! He grinned at me.

“I am always quick when it comes to ramen eating! I want lunch already! Do you hear how my stomach is growling”, he complained to Kakashi. He ruffled his hair.

“Let's go have ramen then. Remember, you promised to Akako you'd buy for her too”, he reminded Naruto. They seemed more like an annoying big brother with his sweet little brother than a teacher and a pupil. Or should I say a jonin and a genin? Kakashi glanced at me.

“Wow, you actually had a soft look on your face for a while”, he said. I scowled at him. Oh, he just knew how to make me angry.

“It must be because I thought about the free ramen I'm gonna get”, I answered to him.

“Let's go, let's go, let's go”, Naruto hustled and took a good grip out of my hand. “Come on, Akako-chan, let's go! I'm hungry! Free ramen treat for you!” Damn, he was excited about Ramen. “What Ramen will you have Akako-chan?” At the same time he was pulling me out of the front door.

“What, there are different kinds? How am I supposed to know”, I laughed. “I don't know a damn thing about it. You can pick for me.”

“Pick a good one, Naruto-kun!” Sakura advised. “Then she'll eat it more often.”

“I can?!” Naruto shouted. “Oh, oh, what am I gonna pick, uhm... uhm... for the first time...” I grinned. He was so serious when it came to Ramen!

“Kakashi-sensei, you said earlier we have to be ready before noon. Why is that?” Sasuke asked behind me. Kakashi flipped a page in his book.

“We must meet with the Hokage-sama and get new missions”, he explained. “We were told to be there at twelve o'clock.”

“Oh, no more crappy missions!” Naruto woke up from his Ramen-dreaming. “I don't want to save anymore cats or dig up potatoes!” I started laughing. Digging up potatoes? What a dangerous mission that must've been!

“Don't swear, Naruto”, Kakashi answered to him.

“Look, even Akako-chan is laughing at me!” Naruto complained. “I want more appropriate missions!”

“I'm not the one who chooses your missions and you know it”, Kakashi sighed. “Please, complain to the Hokage-sama and not me.”

“I will! But first Ramen! Look, there the Ramen-bar is!” Naruto shouted and let go of my hand. Then he ran to the bar. I looked at Kakashi.

“Is he always like this?” I asked.

“Of course he is. He is the annoying Naruto-kun”, Sakura answered. Sasuke nodded.

“No he ain't, he is adorable”, I told them and grinned. “Fucking adorable.”

“Akako-chaaaaan, come on, I need your help!” Naruto shouted from the bar. “Don't be just standing there like an idiot! Hurry up, I want to eat!” Kakashi lifted his eyebrow.

“Adorable?” he asked from me. “Are you sure?”

“Well, he is buying for me”, I laughed and went to the bar. I noticed that the bar's name was Ichiraku.

“Come on, come on!” Naruto repeated. “What do you like best, pork or...” I didn't hear what the next word was, because the vivid image of the man eating my intestines popped right into my head.

“Are you alright, Akako-chan? You look a bit greenish”, Sakura asked. Kakashi looked worried too.

“Yep, I'm fine, but Naruto, no meat for me. Only veggies.”

“Alrightie, Vegetarian-chan!” Then Naruto went to the counter to order with Sakura and Sasuke. I felt Kakashi's hand on my shoulder.

“Memory?” he asked shortly. I smiled to him wearily. How had he known?

“Yep”, I answered. “All I have to do is think about meat and puff, there it is, haunting my thoughts. Oh, fucking hell...” I muttered.

“I would hug you, but then the people would start talking”, Kakashi whispered into my ear. I felt the blushing coming again. He was a bastard, a bastard! I needed to remind myself of that.

“If you hug me here, I will punch you and hopefully this time I'll hit”, I told him. He rolled his eyes and let go of my shoulder.

“I'm just trying to be nice”, he explained. “No need to get edgy about it.” I glanced at him.

“Well, that's just me”, I told him. “I get edgy.” He sighed.

“Akako-chaaaan, your Ramen is here! Eat, eat, eat!” Naruto shouted to me from the table and started to gobble his portion.

“Why you always have to gobble your Ramen, Naruto-kun! Don't be such a pig!” Sakura complained. Sasuke held his head. Kiddo was probably having 'they annoy me so much, god help me' -headache coming.

“No need to tell me twice”, I said to Naruto and sat on the table. “Let's eat!”

“Eating competition!” Naruto yelled. “I'm going to finish first!”

“The fuck you are!” I grinned. “Sakura-chan, you will be the judge! Sasuke-kun, watch that he doesn't cheat!” Sakura nodded and Sasuke muttered something about 'idiots'.

“Me, cheat?! How would I cheat?” Naruto asked a bit offended. I placed my chopsticks against his nose.

“Because you started already! And you could probably put some Ramen in your pockets or something.”

“And waste my tasteful Ramen by putting it in my pockets? Never!”

 

~*~

 

After me and Naruto had had two bowls or Ramen (he won by one fucking noodle!) the clock was already near noon. Kakashi promised to me that I could hang around with them as long as I wouldn't get in their way. That way I could get to know the city a bit better. And it wasn't like I had anything better to do.

The only place I wasn't allowed to go was the briefing room, where missions were shared, since I wasn't a ninja, so I waited outside while Team #7 went to get their new mission. And I had a really hard time not to laugh when I heard Naruto scream about their shitty missions. I wasn't even near the briefing room's door and still I heard it clearly. Then someone started yelling back at him.

“Geez, this is getting interesting”, I talked to myself. “A screaming competition. I wonder who will win...”

“I'LL KILL YOU!” I heard Naruto scream and I couldn't handle myself anymore. I bursted out laughing. Oh my God, the kid was so hilarious. I did receive some odd looks from people passing by, but I didn't mind. Laughing is good for health. Then I heard the door open and saw Naruto grinning at me.

“Akako-chaaaan, we got a better mission! At least I think we did”, Naruto yelled at me and came out with others. And a drunken middle aged man. I started to doubt Naruto's words immediately.

“Sorry if I'm being sceptical”, I answered to Naruto. Kakashi scratched his head.

“And sorry we can't accompany you for much longer. We have to escort this man back to the Wave country”, he said. I blinked. The Wave country? Where the hell was that? I wasn't even sure what country I was in! Then I looked at the man. Well, he surely needed someone to take him back. It was amazing he was still standing.

“Oh. Then... when will you be back?” I asked. The members of Team #7 were the only ones I knew in Konoha besides Yoshiko. I felt a bit abandoned.

“When I finish my bridge”, the man told me. “I'm a bridge builder.” I smelled old sake from his breath.

“Yes, yes and I build houses for orphans. When will you be back?” This time I asked directly from Kakashi. He shrugged his shoulders.

“When he finishes the bridge”, he said apologetic. I sighed. I had just made friends and now they were already running away. Yay for me.

“Kakashi-sensei, when we leave Konoha, aren't we going to pass near the place where we found Akako-chan?” Sakura pointed out. I woke up from my depressed state and looked at Kakashi.

“Well, yes. You want to come with us? But you'll have to visit the place and come back to Konoha alone. The mission is now our number one priority”, Kakashi explained. I grinned at him.

“You know, you really couldn't keep me away from that place. I might remember something there. So hell yes, I'm coming!”

“Is it safe for her to come back alone?” Sasuke asked Kakashi.

“Akako-chan will kick ass if someone attacks her! She beat me!” Naruto reminded them.

“Even I could beat you”, the bridge builder muttered to himself. I guess only I heard him, since Naruto didn't start yelling.

“It should be safe”, Kakashi said. “And she knows how to scream.” I glared at him. He was referring to my nightmares. Definitely.

“Let's get going then!” Naruto yelled and started to march forward.

 

It took about 20 minutes for us to reach the place where Team#7 and I would depart our ways. They advised me to walk straight forward for about a mile and a half and I would reach the place. I was told that I couldn't miss it. Actually, I was sceptical about that, since I had only one landmark (Hokages' statues from Konoha), but at least I would find back there. Maybe.

Before my adventurous journey began Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke and me had a group hug (I guess they forced Sasuke) and Kakashi slipped a piece of paper in my hand.

“If you'll have any trouble or you need something, you can go to this address”, he told me. “He's a friend of mine and can help you out in anything.”

“Even in safe sex?” I winked at him and giggled. Kakashi's face looked hilarious. It was a mix of surprise and disgust.

“And that was our queue to leave. Goodbye, Akako”, he said and started walking forward.

“Bye guys”, I waved. “See ya, when you get back!”

“Farewell, Akako-chaaaan!” Sakura and Naruto yelled in choir. Sasuke just waved. I smiled at them and then concentrated on beginning my journey, so I wouldn't feel so sorry for myself. I missed them already. Well, at least the weather was nice. There even was a slight chance I wouldn't get lost. I tried to cheer myself up. I could find out something about my past. I felt a tingling sensation in my stomach.

“I'll achieve nothing by just standing here”, I told myself. “Time to get going!” I took the first step away from the road. I wasn't lost yet. And not even after the second one. This was turning out to be a quite nice journey actually. If only I had good company with me. I shook my head. This wasn't the time to feel abandoned. I was going to find out something about my memory. And I still had Yoshiko. Plus the address Kakashi had given to me.

It didn't take long for me to reach the place. Team#7 had been right. I couldn't have missed it. It was a huge meadow. There were still some blood marks on the ground, because it hadn't rained since. I looked around. Well, it felt familiar, but nothing came to my mind.

It actually was fucking frustrating. To know that something meaningful had happened, but I just couldn't remember what it was. I laughed sarcastically at myself.

“I really thought that coming here would give my memory back. Or at least some of it”, I muttered. “Shit, I truly am a fucking fool. A fucking fool...” I kicked a small rock. I was getting angry again. I had come to this place for nothing?

“Idiot, try and remember something. Even a small memory!” I poked myself in the head. “Anything!” Absolutely nothing happened. I growled and sat on the ground. “I hate you long term memory. I really do.” Well, I knew something. This place made me feel angry. Frustrated and angry. What a happy compilation.

“Could it be that you are looking for these?” a male voice asked and next thing I knew – there was a pair of hand claws in front of me. Both had four about two inches long blades in them. And those weapons were familiar to me. Were they mine?

I flinched when a blade touched my neck. Oh yes, the fact he had given me weapons didn't necessarily mean he was a friend. I looked at the sword from the corner of my eye. It was fucking huge!

“I don't like when I'm being threatened, so would you be kind and lift that sword of yours from my neck”, I said calmly. He sneered.

“Perhaps, if you give me some answers. First, where did you get those claws?” he asked. “And answer quickly, I am not a patient man.” I gulped. Oh, shit, I didn't even know if they were really mine! They just seemed familiar. But then again, the man seemed familiar too!

“You just gave them to me?” I tried although I was sure he wouldn't be satisfied with that. Yep, I was right. He moved the sword closer to my neck. I felt blood dripping. This guy was serious.

“I ask again, where did you get these?” he repeated. He was getting annoyed. I could hear it from his voice. Then again, I was getting annoyed too. Why the heck it was always me?

“I don't fucking know”, I snarled. “I have a fucking amnesia.”

“And why should I believe that?”

“Because I have no reason to lie to you”, I said. And it was true. Why would I lie to a total stranger? Especially if he was holding a huge sword and was ready to cut my head off.

“How would I know about your reasons? You see, I know those claws and they shouldn't be anywhere near Konoha. Their owner is dead and they should lie beside her body. I think you are a petty thief and you deserve to die.” I got angry by his words. He was just going to kill me? Without even letting me explain? I spoke the truth, god dammit! The sword was lifted from my neck. There wasn't much time left.

“Who are you to decide who deserves to live and who doesn't!” I growled. The sword stopped its movement in mid-air.

“What did you just say?” he asked with a tint of shock in his voice.

“I asked, who are you to decide who deserves to live and who doesn't”, I repeated and turned my head to see his face. His lower face was covered, but his eyes showed his shock. He looked straight into my eyes and shivered.

“Akako?” he whispered.


	8. The Servant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.  
> Word count: 2,882  
> Warnings: Cursing, still. And OOCness.  
> A/N: So, here are the first 8 chapters. I've got 20 ready and will publish them when I have the time. In the meantime, I'd love to receive reviews. :) Even though most of the stuff I've written is old, I'd still like to know if this story is good and if you have any suggestions to make it better. ^^

I felt stunned. He had just called me Akako, right? Was he someone from the village? If so, why threaten me? Again, my head felt like exploding. God, too much things were happening at the same time!

“Akako, is that really you?” he asked and then paused. “I mean... How the fuck?” I felt the anger stir up inside me again. He was just going to stand there and ask me questions once again? Had he not realized: I didn't have the answers!

“No, the question is: who the fuck are you?” I answered. “I really fucking meant it when I said I have amnesia! I don't know you, I don't know my name and how the fuck did you know I'm being called Akako here?” I had an urgent need to hit something. Again. Where did these nut heads come from? Did they sell books called 'How to make Akako mad' somewhere?

He raised his eyebrow and leaned on his sword. He seemed to ponder something.

“So you really don't remember me? Not at all?”

“Hey, I don't even remember my name!” I snapped and rose from the ground. “Why are you so fucking blockheaded and don't seem to get it?!” I accompanied my words by poking him in the chest with every word.

“You sure haven't changed a bit”, he said firmly and took a good grip out of my wrist. “Don't poke me.” I stopped in the middle of my movement. Had I just...? Oh, yes, I had. Poked him. Poked a man with a fucking monstrous sword. In the chest. And yelled at him.

“Now, let me get this straight and don't fucking look at me like you're gonna hit me or something: You remember nothing? Absolutely nothing?”

“Why should I tell you?” I asked. I didn't feel like sharing anything and definitely not the memory I did remember. He irritated me. And yes, I was being childish, but hey, what can you do. He sighed.

“Well, I guess you owe me, since I was the one who killed you”, he then stated. I blinked. He had killed me? Oh wait, he hadn't, because I was still alive, but he thought he had. Now the memories started to click. I was starting to build a picture here. He was the one who had helped me to fake my death.

“I... I...” I started and noticed he still hadn't let go of my hand. “Please, let go of me.” He freed my hand reluctantly.

“So, now you're gonna tell me at least something?” he inquired. I looked away from him. What could I tell him? I didn't know much myself!

“I remember that someone cut me. Here.” I followed the scar under my shirt. Now I knew who it was. “I remember I was supposed to play dead. To get free. And I remember lying on a cold stone table in a crypt. And someone was supposed to come and free me. And.. someone did come. It wasn't the one I was expecting. He... well.” I smiled apologetically. “He ate my guts.” What ever the man had expected me to say, this wasn't it.

“He ate... Fuck.” The man seemed stunned. “I didn't see that one coming.” I formed a fake smile on my face.

“Want to share the beginning and the end since I shared the good middle parts?” I said with a forced happy tone. “And since you seem to know I'm called Akako, it'd be nice to know your name. Unless you want to be just 'a man with a freaking huge sword'.” I then sat on the ground again because my legs were shaking.

“Name is Momochi Zabuza, although for some reason you liked to call me 'Zapper'. You and I... Well, we were childhood friends. Although your parents were against it”, he told me and took a pause. “Damn, it'll take ages to do this. Mind if I just skip to the juicy parts?” I shrugged my shoulders. I was anxious and afraid at the same time. Finally I would know something.

“We lived in Kirigakure and we were both trained as ninja. Unluckily, your parents had plans for you. As the heiress of your clan, you were supposed to revive it to its old greatness or some shit like that. When the day of the sealing approached, you wanted me to help you to escape from the village. So, at the graduation day I almost sliced you in half and I really thought you died for real. I went a little berserk after that.” He scratched his head. I blinked. I had hard time keeping up. What sealing?

“So, what was this sealing-thing?” I asked. “They were going to seal something in me or what?”

“Nah. You remember a guy called Taizo? He was going to be your 'master' or something. See, your clan is called 'the Servants'. Due to your healing ability, you are the one to take all the hits in a battle, but to assure you'll do as you are told, they have a seal. If he commands you to do something, you can't disobey. And if the master dies, the servant dies too. Of course, the seal is life long, because your clan is full of sick motherfuckers. So, before they could seal you, you had yourself fakekilled and obviously ran the fuck off.” I was silent. I remembered I knew someone called Taizo. The name sent chills down my spine. And Zabuza clearly was right, my clan was all fucked up.

“To serve is a lifelong pledge”, I said and smiled wearily. “That was my clan's motto, right?” Zabuza nodded.

“After your 'death' I waited for four days and went to get you out of that shitty crypt. It had already been opened. I thought that you had helped yourself out, but when I came in... Well, there was blood all over the place. And there was a body. Or at least I thought it was a body and of course I thought it was you. For over ten years I've thought I killed you.” He looked at me intensively. I felt ashamed, for some reason. What could I answer to him? I didn't know my reasons, I didn't know why I had not contacted him.

“I'm...sorry?” I tried. “I can't remember what happened afterwards, but I'm sure there was a reason I didn't sent you a message or something. Or perhaps I did and you just didn't receive it.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“I guess everything is possible in life”, he answered. I didn't know what to say to that, but luckily he was the one to break the silence. “So, where did you get those claws? They were in the crypt the last time I saw them.”

“Don't remember”, I said and spoke the truth. “I don't remember them. I mean, I do remember them, but I didn't know they were even mine. They look familiar, that's all.”

“There's blood on them”, Zabuza pointed out and looked around. “Then again, there's a lot of blood in here.”

“They said they found five bodies with me in here. But of course, since I have amnesia, I don't have a fucking clue what happened. I thought coming here would help me”, I explained. Zabuza furrowed.

“By them you mean the leaf ninja in Konoha? Didn't they find it odd, that there were five bodies and a woman with bloody claws in here?” he questioned. I furrowed too. Where was he getting at? That I killed them?

“I didn't have the claws when they found me and I was half dead myself. I've been lying in the hospital for a week now. Besides, I don't think I'd be able to kill another human. I mean... every life is precious?” I really meant what I said. He actually started laughing.

“You still believe in that crap? Well, it's good to know that some things never change. Don't glare at me like that, we've had this same conversation before. You didn't convert me then and you won't do it now either. I'm a killer and you're not and that's it”, he stated. I snorted.

“That doesn't stop me from trying”, I told him. “That just means I'll have to try harder.”

“Cut the crap. I'm a missing-nin, if I don't kill, I'm being killed. I have plans for future and dying is not one of them. And that reminds me, I should get going. I have a mission and I'll need the money from it. You are staying in Konoha?” he asked.

“Does that mission of yours include killing?” my answer was. He looked at me steadily. Well, that was the only answer I needed. It did.

“My business is my business. The fact that we were best friends in childhood doesn't mean we are best friends now”, he warned me. In my opinion, he was dead serious. Damn, his attitude started to annoy me more and more.

“So, now we are enemies?” I asked and smiled. “Because I disagree with you? Well, isn't that a nice attitude. How lovely.”

“Oh fuck, why do you have to be so hard?” he sighed. “Damn! Akako, I have changed. You have changed. The world has changed. We are not kids anymore! We are both adults now so we need to live in the adult world. And guess what, in the missing-nin's reality, there aren't words called 'mercy', 'forgiveness' or 'friendship'.”

“Then maybe you should create them!” I snapped. Then again, I had already lost. I knew it from the start. Damn, he and Kakashi were both alike! They both made me angry and frustrated. And they both won the arguments.

“How can you be so god damn stubborn! Gaah! Fuck this! After over ten years all you have to say is 'I have amnesia and I don't remember you' and judge my way of living? Don't you think you owe me at least something?” he snapped back at me. Yep, he and Kakashi were alike. Guilt incoming! Now I was ashamed too. Great. Just great. I rose up from the ground to face him face to face.

“Ok then. Hit me”, I said to him and spread my hands. “You can bitchslap me in the face or whatever you want if it'll make you feel better. That's all I can offer right now.” Zabuza stared at me and blinked.

“What?” he asked. “Seriously, what the fuck? I'm not going to hit you.” I stared back steadily.

“Trust me, it'll make you feel a lot better”, I told him. God, men were hard. “Just do it already! I'm not going to stand here all day!” Then I closed my eyes and waited for the blow to come. He wouldn't hit me hard, I was pretty sure of that.

I didn't hear him move, but suddenly, I felt his breath close to my face. Then his lips faced mine gently and I was too shocked to push him away.

“You are an idiot Akako”, he spoke from mouth to mouth. “You know that, don't you? I'm coming to get you after my mission is over and this time – be there.”

After I opened my eyes he was nowhere to be seen. I was still in a state of shock and I had some major difficulties to think properly. He had kissed me. On the lips. Kissed. Oh – my – god.

“You can't just kiss people without warning!” I yelled when I realized what had happened. The only answer I got was silence. He was gone and I stood alone in the meadow. I was angry again. He had fucking kissed me! I wasn't going to tolerate this. I had given him the permission to punch me! In what sick world did that mean 'please, Zabuza-chan, trade saliva with me'?

“Who the fuck does he think he is?” I muttered to myself. “I'm so gonna kick his puny ass.” My eyes wandered around the meadow and stopped at the claws.

“You are the source of this madness. Without you, Zabuza wouldn't have threatened me. Then again, then he wouldn't have recognized me.” Something bothered my thoughts for a while. Then it hit me. How did he know I was called Akako? Unless it was my real name. I squinted my eyes. If it was my real name, how the fuck had Kakashi guessed it? Either he was terribly lucky at guessing or knew something he didn't care to share with me.

“I fucking hate this shit”, I hissed. How did I know who to trust? Everyone seemed to have some hidden agenda behind them. What next? Yoshiko would reveal she is my long lost sister? Which reminded me, I was supposed to meet her later today and she would kill me if I was late. I sighed and looked at the meadow once again. No memories came to my mind.

“Hmm, guess it can't be helped then”, I said to myself. “Time to go back to Konoha.”

 

“Geez, Akako-chan, you are very absent-minded today”, Yoshiko pointed out while dipping her cookie in tea. “Did something happen today?” She looked worried and once I again felt myself guilty. I hadn't told her anything about Zabuza nor my past. I was sure she had noticed the claws next to the drawers, but she was polite enough not to ask.

“Nah, I'm just missing Naruto-kun and the others. I don't know when they will be back and I really started to like the kiddo”, I explained and poured some tea for myself too. Partial truth isn't lying I told myself.

“Not to mention Kakashi-sensei”, Yoshiko laughed and winked at me from the kitchen's chair. I glared at her. Why was she teasing me? What bad had I done to deserve this?

“No, I don't miss the bastard. Not at all”, I stated and crossed my arms. “That's the end of the line.” Yoshiko just giggled. “I mean it Yoshiko-chan!”

“But you blushed! It's so obvious!”

“I didn't blush! The anger makes my face red.”

“Yes, I'm sure of that”, Yoshiko answered and grinned. “Want more cookies to go with your anger? Unless you are angry at me, because then I'm going to keep all to cookies! Look, this is my cookie, my cookie, hurf, bad cookie, you can keep that one, good cookie, weird cookie, my cookie...” I couldn't help myself and started laughing. Yoshiko was so...so... well, weird, but in an adorable way. And I started to feel like all the day's tension was leaving my body. I was beginning to relax. And it was all thanks to Yoshiko.

“You're not getting any of my good cookies, soldier!” Yoshiko yelled and waved a cookie in her hand. “And my cookie army will beat yours anytime! Hey... is that a chocolatechipcookie you're holding?” I looked at the cookie in my hand. Yep, it seemed to be one.

“I offer this cookie as a token of my gratitude”, I said to Yoshiko. “Thank you for cheering me up, Yoshiko-chan.”

“No prob, soldier!” she told me happily. I grinned. How can someone be so obsessed about cookies? “Are you ready for tomorrow's interview?” she then asked. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Well, as ready as I'll ever be. And I've been so busy today that I haven't really got time to even think about the job interview. Which probably is a good thing, because otherwise I'd be fucking nervous”, I answered.

“Nah, no need to be nervous. It'll go fine. Just remember not to swear or argue with the boss.”

“If you ask me those are the only things I'm good at”, I pointed out and smiled apologetically. I was so not gonna get the job.

“...Good point.”

“Well, is there any other hints I should remember? Like, don't mention this or don't mention that or boss' favorite color is blue or something?” Like it wouldn't be hard enough not to swear. Not to mention keeping my temper down.

“Hmm, no. No, wait, yes! Don't mention anything about his nose. And potato is a forbidden word!” Yoshiko waved her cookie. “And never ever use the word 'potato nose' when he is present.” I nodded. Didn't sound so hard actually.

“Hint noted. He has a huge nose or why is that?”

“Think about a huge potato, Akako-chan. Then, triple its size. Then you have his nose”, Yoshiko said.

“I'll try to keep that in mind. Well, only thing I need to remember is not to say something like 'Man, what a fucking huge potato nose you have there!'” But still, somehow I had a feeling I would do something like that. It'd be my luck.


	9. Dreamlands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diclaimer: I don't own anything related to manga/anime.  
> Warnings: A bit of gore. And perhaps OOC. I'm not sure. You tell me. ^^  
> Word count: 3200

_“Zapper-kuuuuun”, I yelled and lifted myself up to a branch. “Where are youuuuuu?!” I was annoyed. He had left for training – again - and hadn't told me where! God, he was so irritating! He never told me where he was going to train. I always had to find him myself. And believe me, I always found him. I sat on the branch and waved my legs over the ground. Well, this was a good training for me._

_“Zappeeeeeer-kuuuuuuuun!” I yelled again. “I know you are here somewhere! And I brought muffins! I know you are hungry, because you always are, so just answer me! Otherwise I'll eat them all by myself!” Silence answered and I grinned at myself although it hurt my face a bit. I was sure Zabuza was around here somewhere. “Look, I'm opening my backbag now. And here it is – a muffin! Oh, it looks so perfect... I'm going to eat it now, you know? All by myself... If only you had appeared...” A bush rustled and a boy's head appeared._

_“Muffin”, he said with a demanding tone in his voice and grabbed my leg. Then lifted his gaze to my face and flinched._

_“I knew I'd find you!” I said and smiled. “I'll always do!” He didn't answer me, he just looked. My smile faded little by little. “Don't look at me like that, it's making me feel guilty.”_

_“She hit you again? For what reason this time?” he asked. I bit my lip. Swollen lip. Actually, the whole right side of my face was swollen. Last time I had checked the mirror I had a really nice tone of purple in my face._

_“No real reason”, I answered. I couldn't tell the truth to Zabuza. I never could. But he guessed it every time. “Don't worry, I'll heal. I'll always do. You want your muffin?” I handed it out to him and he took it rather reluctantly._

_“It was because you were going to see me, wasn't it?” he once again guessed._

_“No.” I tried look as credible as I could. Zabuza furrowed._

_“Yes it was”, he argued. I shook my head. “Akako-chan, don't lie to me. I can read your face.” I crossed my arms determinedly._

_“I can go and see my ani-chan if I want!” I stated. “And I wanted!”_

_“I'm not your brother, idiot. We're not related at all! I'm Momochi, you are not. Simple. So, don't come to see me again.” He turned his back on me. “I'm going back to train.”_

_“Zapper-kun, don't say that! You are like a brother to me. In here”, I said and pointed my heart._

_“Name is Zabuza, use it”, he said bluntly and started to walk away. I grimaced and jumped down from the tree. To follow him of course._

_“Zabuuuza-kuuun...” I started._

_“I'm not going to listen”, he warned me. “Leave.”_

_“I won't leave!” I yelled and kicked the ground. “Zabuza-kun, listen to me for a while! I don't want to hang around with that weirdo-Taizo-san! I want to be with you! You are my best friend!” He turned back._

_“You are already eight years old, Akako-chan! Grow up”, he told me. “Don't you have school to attend to?” I shook my head. Of course I was lying, but... Well, Zabuza would know. He always did. “You are skipping the classes again? Your mom will be mad at you.”_

_“They are just learning about chakra, it's so booooring. I already know how to use it. And Taizo-san is always trying to sit next to me. He also sends me love letters all the time! And he doesn't believe me when I say I hate him. He is creepy. You hear me? Creeeeeeeeee-eeeeeee-py! And as for mom goes... She's always mad at me. This morning she snapped because I said I hate Taizo-san. After that she saw the muffins I had packed and realised I was going to see you. I don't understand why she doesn't like you. I mean, I like you. Shouldn't that be enough for her to realise you are a great guy?” I felt tears burning my eyes. Mom had been so angry again. And she would be even angrier when I'd return home. I was so gonna get my butt kicked again._

_“Akako-chan, why are you coming to see me if you know your mom is going to beat you?” Zabuza asked. “I'm not worth that shit.”_

_“But you are!” I yelled and felt a tear running down my cheek. “You are my best friend! The only one who actually cares about what I think! You are the only one who listens to what I have to say!”_

_“Don't cry in front of me Akako-chan, you are making me feel awkward”, Zabuza answered. But I couldn't stop. If I didn't have Zabuza as a friend, I would be nothing but an empty shell. He was the one to comfort me, when my dad had died. He was the one to comfort me, when I had fallen from a tree and broken my leg. He was the one, who had always been there! I couldn't bear the thought of losing him, because my mom just had decided I shouldn't be around him._

_“Akako-chan, don't cry”, Zabuza said. “Oh, crap... Ok, come here little one. I'll give you a hug.” He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry against his chest._

_“Why doesn't mommy love me?” I asked. “Why doesn't she want me to be happy? She wasn't like this when daddy was still alive.”_

_“You know I really suck at this, don't you?” Zabuza muttered against my hair. “I'm not good at comforting others.”_

_“But you are”, I cried. “And I want to be your friend for ever. Promise me we'll be friends for ever!” He petted my hair._

_“You don't need a promise for that. Hey, I know what we can do. Want to know how to use a sword?” he suggested and looked me straight in the eyes. “You could imagine your opponent as Taizo-san.” I giggled. He knew how to make me feel better. He always did._

_Flash._

_I knew mom had been drinking again. She had left the bottle on the kitchen table and it was empty. I was afraid. She had been doing this more and more often since daddy died. She didn't even visit his grave anymore. She just sat around the house drinking and looking into nothingness. And once a while she would just snap and drag me out of my bed, yelling it was my fault that daddy had died and I should've died instead._

_She had heard me coming in. I froze. She would hit me again. She definitely would._

_“Oh my dear, Akako-chan...” she whispered and took a firm grip of my shoulder. “I'm so sorry. For everything.” I didn't know what to answer. She wasn't mad at me? “I'm so sorry.”_

_“Why are you sorry, mommy?” I asked._

_“I'm sorry, because I have to punish you again. You have disobeyed. It's not right to disobey orders. You know that don't you? But you don't understand it, not yet. But you will, someday. You are going to make Taizo-kun very happy”, she told me and petted my cheek. “Yes, very happy.” She scared me. A lot. I didn't know what she was going to do. She hadn't been like this before!_

_“Mommy, what are you saying? Why am I going to make Taizo-san happy?” She slapped my cheek before I even realised she had raised her hand. I felt tears coming. She would beat me again. She would._

_“Kun! Taizo-kun! Why is it so goddamn hard for you to say that one little word!? God, I'm so lucky that he's going to have you soon! Then you can't say anything without his permission! Yes, you can say nothing... Absolutely nothing.” She started to giggle. “He can have you and do whatever he wants. My efforts won't be in vain! Yes, all this. All this is finally paying back. I know it was the right decision for me to put you in Academy years in advance. It was hard, but it really is starting to pay back. Taizo-kun is going to have you...” she babbled. I understood nothing. Taizo-san was going to have me? How? What was going to happen? I didn't want that freak anywhere near me!_

_“Mommy, I don't understand”, I cried. My cheek hurt._

_“But you are going to, you are going to!” she laughed._

_Flash._

_“Sensei said I have a big day approaching”, I told to Zabuza. He lifted his sword and cut the air._

_“Well, you are going to graduate. That is a big day. Geez, it's weird you're gonna graduate before me.”_

_“I don't think he meant the graduating”, I pointed out. “He didn't seem to.”_

_Flash._

_“Zabuza-kun! You gotta help me, mom has gone nuts! She tried to kill me!” I felt the blood running down my back. She had seen me practising swordfighting with Zabuza and it had driven her over the edge. When I got back home she had taken a sword and cut my back with it until I had no skin left. She had been so mad._

_“What?! Why – how – oh fuck! Stay where you are Akako, I'm trying to stop the bleeding.”_

_“It hurts, it hurts so much”, I whispered._

_“I know Akako, but try to cope with it! Shit, shit, shit...” I felt him pushing his shirt next to my back. “This isn't enough, we need to get to the hospital.” His shirt tickled. It was weird. How can a shirt tickle me?_

_“It tickles, take it off. Tickles so much. Please, take it off, take it off!”_

_“What, Akako-chan, don't be a fool. You are hallucinating! I need to stop the bleed-... What the... Are you doing this?” He sounded astonished. The tickling had ended. And the pain in back too. But my back felt stiff._

_“Doing what?” I asked. What was he talking about?_

_“Your back is healed! There are scars, but it doesn't bleed anymore. My god, Akako, your healing ability is unbelievable.”_

_Flash._

_“I know what the sensei meant. I know what mommy meant. I'm gonna be Taizo's slave. You gotta help me, Zabuza-kun, you really have to. I can't live as a slave! You have to help me!”_

_Flash._

_I saw the sword coming. I had prepared for this. No need to panic now. It would hurt. It would hurt bad. But I would endure. I must endure!_

_I saw a tear coming out of his eye when the sword hit me._

_“Thank you”, I whispered before the darkness came._

 

I woke up and blinked for a while. Memories, again. I was sure they were memories, not just mere dreams. I shook my head to clear it a little and looked around the bedroom.

She was there again. But this time she wasn't alone. A dark figure stood next to the little girl who claimed to be my daughter. I stared at them. I was sure they weren't real. So did this mean I was still dreaming? Was I still asleep?

“Kill her”, the dark figure whispered. I felt myself rising from bed and somehow I had the claws in my hands. I didn't remember taking them. I walked towards the girl. She looked at me steadily. She didn't blink nor evade when I cut her head off.

I screamed. And screamed. And screamed. But then I realised I was still in my bed. I didn't have the claws. And there were no one else in the room with me. I started to shake violently. What the fuck was happening? They had been here moments ago! Where were they now? Was I going mad?

I had been awake then. I was sure of it. Or had I? Maybe it was a dream. Maybe I had fallen back to sleep and hadn't been truly awake until now?

Well, one thing was sure. I wasn't going to stay in my bedroom any longer. I dressed quickly and almost ran out of the apartment. It was still dark outside, so it was probably very late or very early.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit”, I muttered to myself. “I'm not going crazy. I'm not. I'm sane”, I reassured myself. It didn't help much. What the fuck was happening to me?

I realised I was walking in circles. Where would I go? I didn't want to go back to my apartment. I didn't want to be alone. My hand felt a small piece of paper in my pocket. I furrowed and took it out. It contained an address and a name. Where had I got it? Then it hit me. Kakashi had given me it before leaving. I bit my lip. I missed him. Then I almost slapped myself. Gosh, now wasn't the time to think softly about the bastard!

I looked at the address. I wasn't sure I was going to find to the right place. Then again, I had nothing else to do. And now the streets of Konoha seemed to be more secure than my own bedroom. Or my own head.

I started to think again. What if I really was going insane? Where would I go? Who should I tell?

“Oh, why did you leave me now?” I asked. My mom had been crazy. Maybe I had inherited it? Perhaps it ran in my family?

“Oh fuck, I need someone to talk to or otherwise my head will explode”, I muttered and looked at the name of the street. I had found the right one. Now I just needed to find the right house. But what if Kakashi's friend was still asleep? And what would I say? 'Hello, my name is Akako, Kakashi said I could come and I just had a terribly nightmare, can I stay here for a while?'

Fuck. I really sounded like a total lunatic. Then again, perhaps I was one. But I couldn't go back home. And I didn't know where Yoshiko lived. I didn't know anyone else! And roaming around the streets until morning didn't seem like a good idea either.

“Oh, please be awake, please be awake...” I muttered and started to look for the right number. It appeared to by right in front of me. The house was fairly small, so he was probably living alone. I took a deep breath and knocked firmly on the door. I heard a rustle coming from inside. Oh goodness gracious, he was still awake. The door opened slowly. I held my breath. And then let it out. What the fuck? That bastard Kakashi!

“Oh, how may I help you young lady?” the man asked. I stared at him. I could almost hear Kakashi laughing to his mask.

“Oh, uhm. I'm looking for Maito Gai?” I said. What was with this guy's hair and eyebrows? Oh dear lord...

“You have found him”, he said and looked at my face. “And I guess you are Kakashi's little Akako-chan?” I felt my face blush. Kakashi's little Akako? What the fuck? We'll, I was fairly short, but Kakashi's little Akako? Kakashi's? Really. Seriously. What the fuck?

“I'd prefer Akako-chan. I'm not Kakashi's little anything.”

“Alright, Lady Akako. But what brings you here this late? You have trouble sleeping? Kakashi-kun told me you've been having nightmares”, he said. I lifted my eyebrows. Kakashi had told Gai about my nightmares. Hopefully not in details.

“Well, yeah. Can't deny”, I answered. “I hope I'm not bothering you, because I guess it's kinda late already.”

“No, no, not at all! I was training. And please, come in, I can make you a nice cup of tea. But I must warn you – I'm going to leave soon because I have to train my team. Actually, you can come with us if you want.” My mouth fell open. He was training. At night? What kind of a guy was he? He stepped back in and I followed. The apartment was fairly small, but cozy and clean. It actually amazed me. A man, who did cleaning. Miracles did happen!

“Uhm, you train often at night?” I asked.

“It's already five o'clock, it's not night anymore. And I have to train hard if I want to become better than Kakashi-kun. And training in the morning is the best! The fresh air, the peace...ah...”

“Ah, I see. But why do you have to better than Kakashi?” Gai seemed to be an interesting fellow. Then again, Konoha seemed to be full of interesting people.

“Because we are rivals! And best friends. And rivals! We both have forty-eight wins this far. Next time I'll definitely win him!” Gai seemed to be serious, so I didn't laugh out loud. Instead I sat on the kitchen chair and thanked him for giving me tea.

“I'm sure you will”, I smiled at Gai. I was going to make sure of it. That Kakashi bastard... Kakashi's little Akako...

“Perhaps I should rival with him in love too!” Gai looked at me intensively. I forgot to swallow my tea. What had he just said? I couldn't help myself anymore. I laughed. Tea bursted out of my mouth straight to Gai's face.

“I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, but...whaaaaat?” I tried to look for tissues. This situation was...absurd! Hilarious! Absurd and hilarious! And awkward. Embarassing. Oh god. I was going to choke on tea! And Gai was so going to hate me now. Gaaargh, why did this always happen to me!

“Hum, I guess that was 'no' then”, Gai muttered and turned his back on me. “Now, where did I put the handkerchief...”

“I'm really sorry, Gai-kun. I really am. I didn't mean to laugh, but... It's been a quite rough week for me and stuff”, I tried to explain.

“I understand. I do. Perhaps another time and another place would've been better. But Kakashi-kun beat me this time, I understand. It's forty-nine wins to him then.” I blinked. Now I wasn't following.

“Uhm, what? How did Kakashi beat you this time?”

“He won your love!” Gai said theatrically. I blinked again. And again.

“No. NO. No he didn't. And I mean it. You are still even!” What exactly had Kakashi told Gai about me? That I was his lover? Kakashi's little Akako... What the fuck was going on? Perhaps I really was insane after all. Or perhaps I was sane and all the others insane.

But one thing was sure. Note to myself: Kick Kakashi in the balls.


	10. Enter Team Gai!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: No, I still don't own anything related to manga/anime.  
> Warnings: Swearing. And a mild gore mentioned in the beginning. Cliffhanger curse. There might also be some errors due to the fact that I was having a fever when I wrote this piece.   
> A/C: I'm terribly sorry for the long wait. I'm quite sure that those of you, who also use FFnet, might've found my work on there also. I try to update everything I have there to here also. :)

“We are still even, huh?” Gai asked. Then a grin came to his face. “Well, that's just great! Now I still have a chance to beat him! I wonder what the next trial will be... Perhaps running. Or diving. Or taijutsu! I need to practise and practise hard...”

“As long as it doesn't count me, I'm happy with everything”, I muttered. I was still a bit angry. Did Kakashi really thought he had the right to call me 'His little Akako'? Zabuza would definitely have something to say about it. I hit my head against the table when I realised he probably would just say I'm Zabuza's little Akako. Why were men so... so... Argh!

“I hate men...” I whispered to the table. I was nobody's anything. Well, at least I would like to be, but now I felt like a trapped rat. And it wasn't a nice feeling. I had a need to run and yell and definitely slap both Kakashi and Zabuza.

“Oh, why is that?” Gai asked and looked confused. I snapped back to reality. Had he heard me? Well, it seemed like it. Gah, I didn't feel like explaining. Especially because Zabuza was a missing-nin and for his sake I needed to keep my mouth shut.

“Men tend to annoy me over the edge”, I explained and hoped Gai would leave it at that. And for his sake, I'm glad he did. But the next topic wasn't any better.

“Luckily Maito Gai is never an annoyance!” he declared. “But we have to get going now or otherwise I'll be late at my team's meeting. And that would be horrible, because I am never late. So, you want to come with us or have some sleep here? I'm guessing you haven't slept much lately. You have these black circles around your eyes.”

I almost swallowed my tea to my lungs accidentally. Sleep leads to dreams. The thought of the little girl came back to me at an instant. I had had such a nice time not thinking about the hallucination or what ever it was, and now – it was in my head again. It seemed my brain liked to show it to me again and again and again. What a masochist brain I had.

“Are you alright, Lady Akako?” Gai asked worriedly. I stared straight at the wall and couldn't answer to him. Vomit was determinedly climbing up my throat. I had cut the girl's head off! Without thinking twice! What kind of a monster would do that? Well, apparently me.

Gai was starting to freak out. I still wasn't able to answer him. The tea would be absolutely nothing compared to the vomit. So, just in case, I was going to keep my mouth tightly shut. For the moment. Of course, Gai didn't know this.

“Did I say something wrong, you look greenish... I'm so sorry, I'm never good with women!” he groaned with hands on his face. “I'm sure I did something wrong!” If my mind hadn't been occupied with the little girl at the moment, I would've laughed at the situation. I still remembered how easy I had lifted the claw and sliced her neck. And she hadn't even blinked. It was the most disturbing sight I had ever seen. Not that I could remember much of what I had seen in my life, but still. Why had I done it?

Then it hit me. The man had ordered me to do it. And I was the Servant, I had to obey. I let the air out of my lungs. Now the only question was – had it been a some sort of mixed memory or just my mind's own creation?

I woke up to reality when Gai started to be really, really freaked out. He was babbling to himself (something about doing five hundred laps around Konoha) and how he had betrayed Kakashi's trust.

“Gai! Snap out of it! I'm fine now, I just had a little...moment. I've been having these memory flashbacks and not all of them are pleasant.” I smiled apologeticly. “So that's why I was a little absent-minded. So, you were saying something about training? I really could do some exercising.” I put my best smile on my face. The smile you couldn't say 'no' to. I had too many questions, too many thoughts in my head, too many scary experiences and way too little answers. Training could help me clear my head. At least I hoped it would.

 

“Good morning Team Gai, it is time to do the morning exercises!” Gai announced happily when we arrived at the meeting place (which was a small market square). There already were some early birds as well, most of them merchants. And then there were Gai's team. Like Kakashi's it consisted of three people. One of them looked as ridiculous as Gai. I mean, what is wrong with their heads? What's with the hairstyle and eyebrows? Not to mention the green jumpsuit. The other boy had noticeably long brown hair and the weirdest eyes I had seen. Well, ok, the thick-brows had weird eyes too, but still... Then again the girl seemed to be normal. Thank goodness.

“Good morning, sensei! I am ready to start today's training!” the boy yelled enthusiastically and then looked at me curiously. Actually the whole team looked at me curiously.

“Oh yeah, morning everyone, I'm going to hang around with you for a while. Or two. Name is Akako and I tend to speak with foul language”, I introduced myself with a smile, but inside I was a bit suspicious about how long I would cope with this team.

“Lady Akako is our guest, so remember to be polite and show her the best of you!” Gai told the group.

“Yes, sir!” they all said in a choir and before I had even time to blink, the boy with the green jumpsuit was in front of me.

“I am honoured to meet such a beautiful lady! My name is Rock Lee and I hope you'll find our company pleasant!” Then he bowed and – oh yes – kissed my hand. I had to admit, the boy had manners! But I still thanked God when the other one didn't kiss my hand. One kiss per day was enough for me. Actually, in my opinion, I could survive without them.

“Hyuga Neji, nice to meet you”, the other boy said while bowing. And last, but definitely not least, the girl introduced herself.

“I'm Tenten”, she said with a warm smile. “Nice to meet you, Akako.” I decided to smile back. She was the only one normal in this group and having someone rather normal in my life would bring balance.

“Lee, come here, I'm going to put some more weights on your legs”, Gai said and waved Lee to come closer. Then Gai looked at me. “I'd appreciate if you don't tell Kakashi about my training methods.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Believe me, I saw nothing”, I answered while Gai was added the weights on Lee's legs. What a weird pair Kakashi and Gai were.

“How's that feel, Lee? Not too much?” Gai asked and smiled when Lee shook his head.

“I'm ready to train, sensei!” he yelled happily and Gai waved us to follow him.

“How can you be so perky this early?” Tenten asked Lee while we started to walk towards training grounds. “I still feel like sleeping. I'll probably need all the concentration I have to hit the targets.”

“If I put all my heart to training, I'll become strong! I'll prove that I can be a great ninja without ninjutsu or genjutsu!” Lee answered. He made me grin, because he sounded just like Naruto. Except for the Hokage-part, but still. I guess Lee wasn't that bad after all. Well, of course he looked funny, but inside he seemed to be a great kiddo. I glanced at Neji. His face was emotionless and blank. Like he was feeling nothing.

“Smiling won't hurt you”, I told him. He glared at me. Wow, did I just see an emotion on his face?

“Lee does the smiling for me”, he answered bluntly. “I have other things to do.”

“Neji is like that, he is the serious one”, Tenten said while Neji turned his gaze back on Gai's back.

“I can see that”, I muttered. He was like Sasuke then. Either extremely shy or egoistic. In Neji's case, probably the second one.

“Alright, team! First we'll start with the good old morning jog!” Gai announced when we arrived at the border of a forest. A was a bit surprised. I thought we were going to the training grounds. Tenten saw my confused face.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“Oh, no, nothing. I just thought you were going to the training grounds or something. The thought about morning jog in the forest didn't even cross my mind”, I answered and smiled sheepishly. I guess ninja training wasn't so hard after all. I guess Neji saw my relieved face.

“This isn't going to be easy”, he pointed out. “Gai-sensei has set some traps on the route.” I furrowed. Traps? That didn't sound good.

“I'm so excited!” Lee said. “I wonder if I'd be able to break my record! Or wait... no. Sensei, I promise you I'll be able to break my record today! I'll finish our jog in less than an hour! If I'm not able to do it, then I'll do five hundred push-ups with only one hand!”

“Great, Lee! That's the spirit! If you break your record, I'll promise to do the push-ups!” Gai seemed to be very enthusiastic too. My brow started to twitch. They were crazy. There was no other explanation. No one could be so excited about training.

“So, these traps... How dangerous are they?” I inquired from Gai. I needed to know if it was safe for me to go with them. I didn't want to find myself in one of Gai's traps. Especially when I didn't know what kind of traps they were.

“Well, none of them should be lethal...” Gai pondered. “You should be just fine. Tenten, Lee and Neji will protect you. Actually, team! Today's mission is to protect Lady Akako from my traps! You'll need to escort her through the jogging route. And I'll set a time limit... Hmm. Two hours. See you on the other side! Time starts...now!” And with that said, Gai disappeared and left me with his team. Ok, none of the traps should be lethal... That didn't really reassure me at all!

“Let's go!” Lee yelled and jumped on a tree's branch. “I can be the scout!”

“There's no need for it. I'll use the Byakugan to scout”, Neji said. “Let's get going. Tenten, you stay near Akako.”

“Roger!” Tenten walked next to me. “There's no need to worry at all, we are a great team. Gai-sensei's traps won't hurt you.”

“I'll destroy all the traps! I'll defend you with my life!” Lee did a spinning kick in the air. Probably to show me that he could. I lifted my eyebrows at him. How was he able to even move in his jumpsuit? It looked awfully tight.

“Isn't that suit uncomfortable? I mean, how can you fit your underwear in there?” I asked. Big mistake. No, huge mistake.

“I don't have underwear”, he said happily. My mouth fell open. He didn't... Oh my dear God. This image wouldn't leave my head ever. Tenten patted me on my shoulder.

“You asked”, she stated. “He answered.”

“I will regret this for the rest of my life.” So probably did Neji, because he had a disgusted look on his face.

“Let's get going, before my head explodes”, he muttered and started walking forward. “Byakugan!” He had his back faced to us, so I didn't really know what he did or what Byakugan was. Lee ran past Neji and yelled happily when a huge log came swinging towards him.

“I love Gai-sensei's traps! Konoha Senpuuuu!” He aimed his kick in the middle of the log. I sighed. There was absolutely no way he could destroy a log with a mere kic-. Oh no, he just didn't? Yes he did. I stood still. I was astonished. The guy with the thick eyebrows and funny haircut had just kicked a log in half. A big log.

“Lee, don't run past me! I won't be able to warn you about the traps in time if you do!” Neji shouted at him. “There's another log coming from your left!” I looked left from Lee. I couldn't see any logs! How did Neji see them? These guys were nuts!

“Amazing, aren't they?” Tenten asked. I just nodded. I was speechless. And that didn't happen very often to me.

“Holy shit”, I managed to say and started to follow Neji and Lee with Tenten. “I mean... holy shit!”

“Gai's clone is approaching from behind and there are some exploding notes ahead! Tenten, can you handle the sensei's clone?” Neji looked behind to see what Tenten's answer would be. I gasped when I saw his eyes. Veins around his eyes were pulsating trough skin. Or at least it looked like it. What the fuck? That was the Byakugan? I woke up to reality, when I heard puff-sound behind me. Tenten had hit the Gai's clone straight on with kunais. But Neji was still staring at me. I couldn't read his face.

“Is sensei getting worse or am I getting better?” Tenten laughed, but stopped when she saw Neji's intensive gaze fixed on me.

“There is something on my noce, isn't there?” I asked. Why was he staring at me? I know why I was staring at him, but still!

“Why didn't I notice this before”, he muttered to himself. I became curious instantly. Notice what? Hey, I needed to know! For fuck's sake, it was me he was talking about. And I could hear him!

“Notice what?” What did he see with those weird eyes? Well, besides the logs and Gai-sensei. He shook his head.

“I'll tell you after we have cleared the route. There's no time now. Lee, watch out for the kunais coming from behind the bush!” Then Neji turned around and started to run. “We need to hurry! We only have two hours and don't want to ran out of Chakra because of the Byakugan.” Tenten grabbed my hand and started to run too. Well, I had no other choice than to move my feet quicker too or otherwise Tenten would drag me forward. But what on earth had Neji seen?

“Uhm, Tenten-sanchanwhatever?” I started while we ran forward and jumped over a hole. I saw some pikes in the bottom of it.

“Yes?” she answered while laughing at my suffix and dodged a shurinken. Then we both dodged the kunai flying towards us from the left. Lee went after the Gai's clone, who had thrown it. “You have problem with suffixes?”

“Well yes, but that's not what I wanted to ask. What actually is Neji's Byakugan?”

“I'm not really sure if I'm allowed to tell you. Ninjas like to keep their secrets to themselves”, Tenten said apologeticly. “Ask directly from Neji after our training.”

“I understand”, I answered. Of course. Why would they tell me? They didn't know who I was (hell, I didn't know who I was!). They didn't know whether I was trustworthy. I could be a spy. Well, a lousy spy, but whatever.

 

 

“Team, let's have a small pause. I don't want to overdo my Byakugan. And we need to think how to get Lady Akako over the river”, Neji said. Lee jumped from tree next to him.

“I can carry her!” Lee announced. I sighed. The knight in his green armour. Actually, I started to feel a bit annoyed. They had done all the work in this morning. I know, it was their mission to protect me, but my body anxiously waited to get its part of action. I kicked a small rock. They didn't even give me weapons. This sucked a bit. But it had occupied my mind for a while.

I was astonished how good Gai's group was. Naruto and the others should work really hard if they wanted to reach this level. I hadn't seen Tenten miss even once, Lee was deadly with his taijutsu and Neji noticed everything that went on. And what had I done? Ran with Tenten on my side and dodged when it was necessary. Oh gosh, I felt so useless.

Something whizzed. I thought it was a mosquito and without thinking my hand moved to its own accord. To my surprise I didn't squeeze a mosquito, but had a kunai. It span around my index finger. I blinked. So did Team Gai.

“You caught it mid-air?” Lee asked. I nodded with hesitation. How the heck had I done it? Neji furrowed at me.

“Where did it come from? Gai never puts traps here. It is an agreement. The river is the resting place.”

“Perhaps he changed the rules since Akako is with us now?” Tenten noted.

“Sensei wouldn't change them without telling us”, Lee said with determination. I pointed towards the river.

“It came from there. And don't ask how I caught it, I have no idea. I have a bad amnesia.”

“Byakugan!” Neji searched around the area. “There's no one here except us. Even Gai-sensei is nowhere to be seen although he usually hangs around near us and checks how we are doing.”

“So I have a kunai thrown by a ghost”, I concluded and put the kunai in my pocket. “Well that's fascinating.” There were something fishy going on, definitely. Where was Gai?

“I think we should keep going”, Tenten said. “I don't like to hang around in a place where kunais come out of nowhere.”

“I totally agree with Tenten!” me and Lee yelled simultaneously. Neji nodded and then looked at the river.

“You can use Chakra to pass the river, but what about our Lady?” Lee then pointed out. I lifted my eyebrows. Use Chakra? So they used their Chakra to walk over the river? I had used my Chakra in the hospital room. Perhaps it would work here as well.

“I know how to glue my Chakra”, I said and surprised Neji. “At least I think I do. And you can probably catch me if I start to fall in the water.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“Fine by me then. Lee, you go first. Then Akako and Tenten and I will come last.” Lee rubbed his hands together and threw a kunai with strings attached to it over the river. I wasn't quite sure why.

“Are you sure about this?” Tenten asked me. I smiled at her.

“I'm never sure about anything. But what's the worst that could happen? I fall into the water and my clothes get wet. That's all.” I started to walk towards the river behind Lee, who was busy tying the other end of the string to a tree. And now I understood why he had thrown the kunai. He obviously planned on walking on the string.

“So, why doesn't Lee-san walk on water, like we?” I asked carefully. He smiled at me.

“I can't use Chakra. That's why I'm using other methods. And I will prove that I can be a great ninja without the use of Chakra!”

I was amazed. I guess he really was working hard. I woke up to reality when Tenten took a firm grip of my hand. It was time to get across the river. I held her hand like my life depended on it. The thought about swimming in the cold water didn't feel like a good idea.

And now back to the Chakra. Somehow I just knew how to use it. I remembered I had practised it a lot as a child. Or more like my mother had forced me to. But now it seemed more familiar than in the hospital room. And if my mind didn't remember, I was sure my body did. I started to gather Chakra at my feet and took a step on the water.

I needed to concentrate hard, but I stayed there. I didn't fall. But I constantly needed to think what I was doing. The water didn't stay still as the wall in the room had. Me and Tenten walked slowly towards the bank of the river.

The streaming of the river became more violent. A sweat drop fell from my forehead. Why was this so goddamn hard! I knew this had been a piece of cake for me when I wasn't even ten years old! And then my concentration broke. Something had grapped my leg from below. I was being pulled down! Tenten's hand slipped from mine. After that I only saw the water spinning around me.

I tried to struggle myself free, but it was useless. But it didn't take long for me to realise it was a human's hand that hold my leg. I started to feel the need for air. I tried again to kick the hand that was holding me. If possible, the grip only became tighter.

Oh, fuck! Why didn't I have any weapons with me! I blinked. But I had. The kunai! I searched it from my pocket and hit the hand with it as hard as I in water could. If that didn't work, I don't know what would.


	11. Action! Or then not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Word count: 2,181 (Not much. I know. :()  
> Diclaimer: I don't own anything related to manga/anime.  
> Warnings: Cursing.

I had come to an conclusion. I was an idiot. A real idiot indeed. My idea of stabbing the hand that had grapped me was rather good. What was not good was the fact I stabbed my own leg too. Yep. I had injured myself in the process of getting free. Clearly, I didn't know my own strength. The kunai had went straight through the hand and sunk in to my ankle. Yippee.

But I did get free! After I had pulled to kunai out. Which hurt like hell. But my leg would probably heal. I just didn't know how fast because I wasn't sure how to control my healing Chakra. It wasn't really explained in books being a bloodline limit and all.

It was rather hard to get to the surface even though I no longer had someone else hanging from my foot. Note to self: swimming in river is not good. I was beginning to fear I would drown. I needed the goddamn air! Luckily someone grabbed my hand (for a change) and pulled me out of the water.

Neji's gaze was rather serious when I met with it. Tenten was next to him and took a firm grip of my other hand. I immediately started to gather my Chakra at my feet. I didn't want to depend on them.

“You alright?” he asked with Byakugan activated. I was too busy to gasp for air and concentrate on Chakra so I just nodded. I was ok, just a bit amazed. Who would want to attack me? Again, questions, questions, questions. I would soon need a notebook to remember all of them! Tenten noticed my leg.

“You are not”, she said firmly. “The blood is pouring from your leg. We need to get you somewhere where we can tend your wound.” Neji glanced at my leg and then me. I blushed. I was not going to tell him I stabbed myself! This situation was humiliating enough without it. I really wasn't the type of girl who asks for help. I wanted to do everything by myself. I wanted to be in control of my own life without depending on others all the time. Damn, my pride would get me killed someday.

A splash from nearby got our attention immediately. Neji took a fighting stance and looked at me and Tenten.

“Go to the other side. Now. I'll try to lure the attacker there. Tell Lee to get ready”, he ordered Tenten, who nodded and started pulling me instantly towards the forest. I stumbled behind her. It was hard enough to walk on water without having an aching wound on ankle. I grimaced. I hated this and hated the fucking pain. Why wasn't it healing already?

I looked behind me and saw that there was a man standing few meters from Neji. The blood on his hand indicated that he was the attacker. I smirked and hoped his hand hurt. I know my ankle did. He too stood on water, so he probably was a ninja of some sort. He didn't have a forehead protector though.

“I suggest you give up”, Neji said to him. “You have absolutely no chance of winning. Our sensei is coming.” The man didn't answer anything. I'm not sure if he even heard Neji. His face was emotionless. But then again, so was Neji's.

I felt the solid ground under my feet and felt like kissing it. Walking on it had never before felt so good. In a second, Lee was next to me. I had no idea where he had come.

“You have hurt your lovely feet, Lady Akako”, he gasped. “I will carry you to safety.” Tenten was going to say something, but I got ahead. I was starting to get rather pissed off.

“The hell you will”, I yelled. “You're gonna go and help the Byakugan-guy, since I'm so fucking useless.” Lee's mouth fell open. Well, so did Tenten's. But I had had enough for today. No more help for me! I was tired of feeling useless.

“Watch out!” we heard Neji shout. The reason behind it was the man running towards us. Tenten took her kunais out and Lee held a fighting pose. Then we all blinked. We all saw the same thing – there was something wrong with the man. His movements were twitching, like he was forced to do them. And once again a saw a weird pair of eyes - his. They were completely black. The whole eyeball was black. No pupil, no nothing. Just blackness.

Neji hit the guy in the back with ease. He didn't evade. Actually he didn't even blink although he coughed up blood.

“I...I think we should back off a bit”, Tenten said to me. “The guys can take care of him. We need to get out of the way.” But somehow I couldn't move my feet. I couldn't take my eyes of the man. There was something oddly familiar about him. I just needed to remember...

His gaze fixated with mine. Those black eyes stared right at me. Then the pain started. It slashed right trough my head. I screamed. I couldn't hold it. The pain was horrible! It felt like there was something crawling out from my head! I held my head and fell on the ground. There were hundreds of needles poking me. Again and again. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear. The only thing real to me was the pain.

And even in the darkness – the pain was present.

Did you really think you could run away from me? I tried to yell at the voice. Tell it to fuck off. But nothing came from my mouth. I couldn't concentrate. The pain would kill me. I was sure there were senbon needles in my head. Going in and out. I just wanted it to stop. I'd give anything for it to stop.

The time felt like eternity. I felt like losing myself. What if I wasn't real at all? I couldn't feel my body. I couldn't see anything. There were nothing but the the pain.

And then it stopped and I gasped for air.

 

My eyes slashed open. I saw a worried face near mine and almost tried to slap it away. Then I realized it was Lee and I was lying on the ground. I glanced around me. Tenten was also nearby, looking worried. Neji was a bit further away, talking with Gai. I didn't see the attacker anywhere.

“Are you fine, Lady Akako?” Lee asked. I looked at him. I wasn't quite sure what had happened. But I felt fine. A little bit shaky and afraid, but still fine. I touched my head. There weren't any wounds. Where had the pain come from?

“I... guess so”, I said. “What happened?”

“Well, the man was clearly after you”, Tenten explained. “And when he came near, you just collapsed screaming. And there was something really...wrong... about the attacker. I mean. Well, you saw him and his eyes. It was like he was possessed or something. But Neji-kun beat him. He really didn't stand a chance. And... in my opinion when he realized it, he slit his throat.” I stared at Tenten. He had – what? “His dead.”

“You mean he killed himself? Why?” I asked. And why on earth had he attacked me? Of any people – me. After a moment I realised I was shaking. The pain had been so intense. Tenten shrugged her shoulders.

“He probably didn't want to get caught.”

“How did he hurt you, Lady Akako?” Lee looked sad. Was he blaming himself for not protecting me? I smiled wearily and ruffled his hair a bit. It hadn't been his fault. Not at all.

“Don't look so sad, funny eyebrow, it takes more than one man to keep me down. And as for the question goes – I'm not really sure. I looked at his yes and then this pain just hit me. It felt like having a fucking bad headache and someone poking needles trough my brain.” Neji and Gai heard my words too. They had stopped their private conversation and joined us. I turned my gaze to them.

“Neji has explained to me what happened here”, Gai started. “I myself was occupied by another attacker. He too killed himself before I got to question him. But I've gotten a pretty good picture of what happened and why. I need to get this information to Hokage-sama as soon as possible. My team will escort you back to your apartment and accompany you for today. There might be more attackers. Lee, Neji and Tenten, by the power of youth, protect Lady Akako!” Gai lifted his hand to air. “We shall defeat these attackers!”

“Hai!” Lee yelled. Tenten just nodded and Neji – well, he was emotionless again. A smile or two wouldn't kill him. I was sure of it. Gai looked at his team proudly and then – I blinked – he was gone. I lifted myself slowly to a sitting position.

“So, we are gonna leave now?” I asked and looked at Team Gai. “I don't feel like staying in here much longer. This place gives me the chills.” Tenten held out her hand and helped me to stand. I noticed that my leg didn't hurt anymore. So it had healed. When I was passed out. I scrathed my head. I really needed to figure out how my healing worked!

“We'll use the other road to get back”, she explained. “There aren't any Gai-sensei's traps. It's the emergency route.” I lifted my eyebrow. They needed an emergency route? Well, then again, in this situation it proved to be useful. But in normal situations?

Neji walked next to me and gestured me to walk with him. If possible, my eyebrow went even higher. Neji wanted to have a word with me? He – of all people? Then I remembered the way he had looked at me earlier. I pushed away the memory of the pain and started to feel curious. Tenten and Lee followed few meters behind us.

“You have a seal”, he said bluntly, while walking forward. I almost tripped. What? A seal? Where? There weren't any markings on my body other than the scars, I would've noticed. “The man was after it.” I opened my mouth to ask questions, but I didn't know where to start. Ok, Akako, but your thoughts together. Pull yourself together!

“I have a seal”, I repeated. “The guy attacked me because of it. Am I following right? Alright, where the fuck is this seal, I haven't seen any in my body? Is something sealed in me or what?” I needed to stop myself before continuing with the questions. I had tons of them.

“I haven't ever seen a seal like it before. And it's not visible. Or not to bare eyes at least. I can only see it with my Byakugan. There is another seal around it. Basically, what the attacker was trying to do, was remove the first seal. That is what caused your pain. And I don't know why you have them. And I don't really care.” I rolled my eyes to the last sentence. Yes, he did, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered to tell me.

“So, I might have something sealed inside me?” I concluded. Neji was emotionless as ever.

“Gai-sensei said it was highly unlikely. You also have strange Chakra circulation system. Or more like your Chakra doesn't stay inside it.” Neji furrowed. Wow, he actually had a facial expression! “It's hard to explain. While most of us need to gather our Chakra and use it through circulation system, it seems that you constantly create Chakra without even noticing. Then again, when you gathered your Chakra to walk on water, you created different kind of Chakra. Normal Chakra.” I was lost. I had a really hard time to keep up with his explanation. Chakra circulation system, with my weird Chakra, what? Neji glanced at me.

“Did you understand anything I just told you?” he asked and sounded a bit annoyed. I grinned apologeticly. So, perhaps this Chakra that circulated constantly around me was the healing one? That would make sense. Perhaps I could lend some books from library and study a bit. It would probably prove to be useful.

“I did”, I answered. “But now I have more questions that need answering.” Neji raised his eyebrows. “Like how do you know all this?”

“I have Byakugan”, he said. “That's all you need to know.” I gritted my teeth. Why was he being such... an ass! I asked nicely. He could've answered it nicely. I still didn't know what Byakugan was. And it seemed Neji wasn't going to tell me. I sighed. I truly brought out the best of people.


	12. My Precious One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Cursing.  
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to the manga/anime.

As we walked back to my apartment, I felt more confused than ever before. There had been too much strange events lately. My mind was swarming with questions, with thoughts, with doubts and with suspicion. And it seemed like it didn't matter how hard I tried – I just couldn't put my thoughts into an order. I felt an urgent need to hit my head against a wall and hope everything would just snap right back into their places. But of course, I didn't, because that wouldn't help. I knew it.

I sighed. Having an amnesia and enemies wasn't the best combination. I glanced at Gai's Team. Well, they would protect me if something were to happen, but still – they were just kids. And I was an adult. A proud adult. I gritted my teeth. I was actually ashamed that I had to be saved and protected.

I heard Lee's stomach make a demanding growl when we passed a grocery store. I smiled to him apologeticly. I didn't have much food at home and the boy was probably starving, but they couldn't leave me alone, because of their sensei's orders. And I really couldn't go to the shop. I had had a really nice swum in the river with my clothes on but it looked more like I had suffered a severe mud bath.

“Lee, it's ok if you'll go and get something to eat. Tenten and Neji can look after me”, I told him. His gaze back was serious and intense and the whole meaning of it was “no way!”.

“I swore to protect you with my youthfull life, I'm not gonna go and shop now!” he said while Neji glared at me. I lifted my eyebrow until I realised I had dropped the suffixes and he hadn't probably liked it. I felt a devilish smirk forming.

“Ok then Lee”, I started. Oh, Neji would be hating me soon, but then again, I could be nice for only short amounts of time. “Perhaps Neji-chan could go and buy us something to eat?” Neji's glare was pure ice when he looked at me. I just grinned. Like a maniac. Then Tenten stepped between us.

“The mission is always the number one priority”, she said calmly. And I didn't really understand how she could be so calm with a nutcase and an iceberg with team-mates. Not to mention the amnesic person with weird suicidal ninjas after her...

“My number one priority at the moment is a bath”, I muttered. I needed it. Badly. And perhaps some sake Yoshiko had left for me.

“But what if something attacks while you are in a bath?” Lee yelled frantically. “We can't leave you alone! Not for a second!” My mouth fell open. Ok, was he saying that I wasn't allowed to have a bath unless they could be in the same room? I mean – what the fuck?! I was going to have my bath! And with no teenage hormonepacks hanging around! That was for sure.

I took a firm grip out of Lee's shoulders and pointed at his eyes and then mine. Ok, eyecontact established. Now I just needed my best threatening voice.

“Lee”, I held a pause to make my statement a bit more intimidating, “if you, by any chance, happen to come to the bathroom while I'm naked, enjoying my well-earned bath, I'm going to dig your fucking eyes out with a damn spoon. Go to the shop, buy the food and then come to my apartment. It's not far away. And I swear that if something attacks me while I'm in my bath, I'm going to kill that intruder with my bare hands, because no-one, and I mean no-one, interrupts my baths! Understood?” And believe me, I ment everything I said. I was beginning to be rather angry. This day had been shitty. The night had been shitty! I needed my goddamn relaxation!

Lee nodded slowly. It seemed like he didn't know what to think. But I was beginning to feel a bit more like myself. I searched my pocket for a while and dag out wet money. I looked at it for a while. Oh, what the hell, it was still money. I put them to Lee's hand.

“Buy something good, I haven't eaten anything but ramen and cookies yet. And I'm a vegetable eater, so no meat for me, unless it's fish”, I told him and shooed him towards the shop. Then I turned to face Tenten and Neji. “Now we go to my apartment. I really, really, really want my bath.”

 

The warm water was the thing I needed. My shitty mood started to shift instantly when I felt the warmness around me. No more muddy clothes, no more suicidal ninjas, no more annoying Neji, no more nightmares. There was just me and the water. And the small cup of sake. Well, actually, the small cup of sake was destroyed pretty quickly.

I laid there for a while, just thinking nothing except how good I felt. My muscles were relaxed and for a while I felt I had no worries at all. Of course, this didn't last for very long. After Lee came back it was clear to me that my bathtime wasn't going to be as relaxing anymore. Lee needed to yell at me constantly to make sure I was alright and still alive. After the fifth yell Tenten had had enough.

“Snap out of it, Lee-kun! She's going to be alright, she's just taking a bath, it's not like someone is going to crawl out of the sewers and kill her! Help me prepare the food and let Akako-chan be alone for a while. I'm guessing she has a lot on her mind. And no buts! And don't give me that look, you know it doesn't work for me!” After that Lee didn't yell at me anymore. Which really was a relief.

I leaned back and stared at the roof of my bathroom. Although it really wasn't mine, but still. This was my home now. Home. I blinked and thought about it for a while. Did I have a real home somewhere? Was there anyone missing me? Perhaps I even had a family. I was old enough to be married. I was old enough to have children.

Children. That was the magic word. The little girl! I held my breath. Could she really be my daughter? Had I really killed her? I felt a tear forming in my eye, but I gritted my teeth. I wouldn't cry now. I needed to be strong – I needed to take care of myself! I needed to find the answers! I wouldn't find them by crying miserably in the bathtub with empty sakecup in my hand.

I took a few deep breaths to calm myself. Think, Akako, think. You have a brain, you might as well use them. Now – let's put some things together. First of all, the little girl started to appear in the hospital, quite soon after I had woken up. No one else had seen her. She could be some post-trauma mental issue, but then again, she could be a real ghost. I almost laughed at myself. Here I was thinking that ghost could really exist.

She claimed to be my daughter. I didn't know if it was true. Then again she had my eyes. Definitely had my eyes, so could it be that she really... I shut my lids and forced the tears go back. No crying, not here, not now and prefably not ever.

I felt an eerie feeling. Chills went down my back and I slowly opened my eyes and feared what I would see. She was there, looking at me steadily. With my eyes. I couldn't help to sustain my tears anymore. I felt them falling down my face. I... I remembered her. But not like this. Not scarred, pale and sad. She had been my precious little girl with a bright smile and flowers in her hair. My little water lily.

“Ran”, I whispered. “My little precious Ran...” I held my hand out to touch her, to wipe the hair out of her face but my hand met only thin air. She looked at me with such sadness it broke my heart.

“Mommy, I miss you”, she said and a tear glimmered in her eye. Oh, how I wanted to hold her, to tell her all the nightmares would end, that the pain would end, everything would be fine, but I couldn't! How could I? She was dead, dead for sure!

“I miss you too sweetheart”, I managed to answer. “I miss you too.”

“He doesn't let me go, mommy... He doesn't let me go!” she started crying, helplessly. “I don't understand, he promised to let me go, he did! So why didn't he! Promise is a promise! I want to be with daddy, mom! Why can't I be with daddy?!” I shook my head. I didn't know what she was talking about! I couldn't remember. Why didn't I remember?!

“Who doesn't let you go?” I asked. She looked at me with round eyes, like she didn't really understand why I didn't know.

“Mommy, you know. You must know! The bad man! Why have you forgotten?! Mommy, why have you forgotten!?” she sobbed. “Tell him to leave me be! I want to be daddy! I can see him, but I can't go to him, please tell him to let me go...” Ran shook in front of me. Her whole body was shivering while tears ran down her face. And all I could do was to look.

“I...I will...” I said. I had no idea who she was talking about, but I had to help her. She was my precious little one. And for her, I'd do anything. Then, in an instant, Ran froze and looked behind her with frightened eyes.

“He's coming”, she whispered. “I must go, I must leave. I can't let him find me! Help me, mommy!” I blinked and she wasn't there anymore. I stared at the place she had been just seconds ago. My dear little Ran...

“I...” I took a deep breath. “I will find this bad man, Ran. I swear.” With these words I rose from the bathtub and took a towel to wrap it around me. I had no idea what I would do. I just knew that at my current state, I wouldn't be able to beat anyone. Hell, I had just collapsed by the river when someone just looked at me. I would have to grow stronger to be able to save my dear little girl.

I opened the bathroom door with determination. I had to save Ran. And to do so, I needed Gai's help. I wasn't quite sure how I would get him to help, but I would figure out something. I had to.

As I stepped into the living room, three teenagers stared at me. Until Tenten slammed her hands to cover Lee's and Neji's eyes. By the guilt of her face I realised they had been listening by the door. Lee was the first one to crack.

“We are sorry, Lady Akako! But I was terrified, because I heard talking and there shouldn't have been anyone there besides you and I was worried and then Tenten came to stop me and please don't dag my eyes out, I didn't see anything!” I looked at them steadily. Did this mean they had heard Ran too?

“Tenten, you can take your hands off, I'm wearing a towel and I'm comfortable with it. And I'm not angry. Not to you at least.” I was angry at myself. And the bad man, although I really had no idea who he was. He had hurt my Ran!

“Was she... was she really your daughter?” Tenten asked with amazement in her voice while she lowered her hands. That answered my question - Ran really was a ghost. I bit my lip to fight my tears. Hell, when did I become this weak? Crying wasn't a part of me.

“Yes, she is...was my water lily. You heard the whole conversation?” They all nodded. Lee's and Tenten's faces were astonished while Neji's...well. Emotionless. If Sasuke was a icecube, then this guy was the iceberg.

“Then you realize that I need your sensei's help?”

“Who needs my help?” I heard Gai ask behind me. I almost jumped out of my towel. Fuck! Didn't these guys ever knock or use the doors like regular people do? I turned around to face him and bit my lip again. I needed to swallow my pride. For my little girl. I went on my knees and bowed. I was sure I hadn't done this before. Not in my whole lifetime.

“Please help me”, I pleaded against the floor and again I couldn't control my tears. “Teach me how to fight. I'll do anything! I'll clean your house, I'll cook you food, heck, I will even sleep with you, if you just help me save my little girl!” There was a great silence in the room. I guess it was the “I'll even sleep with you”-part. Or me crying. Or probably both.

I felt Gai's hand touch my chin and he lifted my gaze. I was prepared for anything.

“I would never take advantage of your situation! It isn't my ninja way. I will help you and for payment, I want to see you smile!” he said firmly. “With the power youth, we will help you!” Then he showed a thumb-up for me.

“Hell yeah, that's our sensei! If it's said with a good-guy-pose, it will be done!” Lee yelled. I felt a little smile form up to my face. Smile of relief. I wasn't alone. I would grow stronger, with the help of others. I would save my Ran.

The only question remaining was: From what?


	13. The Demon in Heaven

_was in a dark hallway and I was running. Running like hell. I didn't know why, but I just knew I was in a hurry. Big hurry. I needed to find something. I was looking for something. What was it? What was I searching for?_  
  
There were doors in the both sides of the hallway and I frantically opened them. But everyone of them just lead to black nothingness. Chills ran down my spine and I started to be desperate. Where? Where should I go?  
  
Some of the doors were locked and I tried my best to push them open, but I couldn't. I didn't have the right key! I didn't have the keys at all. Was I searching for keys? Yes, perhaps that was it! I needed to find the keys. Then the doors would open! But why would I want to open the locked doors? What were behind them?  
  
I shook my head while running forward the endless hallway. I was running out of time! I just knew it! I needed to find the keys, I needed to get trough the doors! Where were they?!  
Somehow the scenery started to change. The walls started to twist and hands came out of it. I stared at the scene in pure shock. White hands, black hands, rotten hands. I tried to scream, but nothing came out from my mouth. The hands were trying to reach for me and I knew I had to run again. But I couldn't! I couldn't move my feet. I knew I was trapped, I knew these hands were going to get me.   
  
The walls were still twisting. It had faces. Some of them screamed at me. No words, just pure screaming. I tried to cover my ears with my hands, but it didn't help. Oh, the screams were horrible.   
“You killed us, you killed us, you killed us”, the voices chanted and all the fingers pointed at me. I was speechless. I couldn't kill anyone, I wouldn't!   
  
“You are lying, you are lying, lying, lying”, I whispered and tried to make myself as small as possible. “You are not really here, I'm just having a nightmare, this is not real, not real.” The voices just laughed at me and the hands started to reach for me again. And I couldn't run, couldn't move. I couldn't do anything, just wait. The hands were going to kill me for sure!  
  
They felt cold. Their grip was tight. I felt like all the life in me was going to be sucked out. And I had no way out! I was dying, I couldn't breathe, I felt so cold... I was turning into one of those living in the walls.   
  
One pair of hands were stronger than the others. It started pulling me towards the wall and inside it. I didn't resist, it would just be futile. All resistance was futile. I didn't have any strength in me anymore. The wall came closer and I started to melt in it. I felt a bit sad. This was going to be the end. But at least, the end was warm. I closed my eyes and waited for the darkness to come.  
  
  
“You sure see some interesting dreams”, I heard an amused voice say. I furrowed but didn't open my eyes. I was dying a second ago, wasn't I? I needed to have the recap-moment! But it didn't take me long to realise I had had a bad dream. Again. What a surprise.   
  
I sighed and rose from my be-... What? I wasn't in my bed. And when I opened my eyes, I saw that I clearly wasn't even in my house anymore! I was sitting on grass! I was outside and sitting next to me, with an amused grin, was the demon himself.   
  
“Did you just abduct me?” I asked Zabuza. I wasn't amused. Hell, I wasn't amused at all! I don't like when people kidnap me without letting me know. Or rather, I don't like the kidnap part at all!  
  
“Well, kind of”, he said and looked behind him. I followed his gaze and saw the most beautiful man I have ever seen! He smiled at me and continued collecting flowers.  
  
“What Zabuza is trying to explain”, he said, “is that you are not really here. You are rather just visiting our world.” I blinked. What the fuck was he explaining? That really didn't help at all. I mean... What? Were they both high?  
  
I turned my gaze to Zabuza. Surely he saw I clearly had no idea what they were trying to say. If possible, his grin widened. And it's always scary to see Zabuza grin. I mean – he hardly ever did it when we were small. It always indicated trouble.  
  
“I'm dead”, he said with the frightening grin. I blinked again. And again. And one more time. Excuse me, but had he lost his mind? I mean – he was there and he clearly was alive and well.  
  
“You screwing with me”, I told him bluntly. “See this face, not amused. Not at all. Now please, tell me, where the fuck am I and how the fuck did you get me out of my bed without waking me up? Or waking Lee? I know he sleeps behind my bedroom door, he's been doing it the whole week.” And irritating the heck out of me while doing it...  
  
“No, I'm not. I'm dead. And so is Haku here”, Zabuza said firmly and pointed Haku. “That Copycat-bastard hit Chidori right trough his heart. And I... Well. Died too.” He shrugged his shoulders. “No can do, I'm dead.”  
  
I stared at him. I was probably in same sort of a shock. I mean – there are two perfectly healthy looking guys here telling me they are really dead. Really, do they think I'm some sort of an idiot? Or this could be a dream again. I nodded to myself. Yes, a dream. That was a perfectly good explanation for this. I hadn't really woken up at all!  
  
“This is a dream!” I concluded. “That's it. But I must say this is definitely better than all the nightmares.” Zabuza sighed and widened his hands. The dream-Zabuza surely had as bad patience as the real deal.  
  
“Akako, look around you. Does this look like Konoha? Does this feel like a dream to you? I'm telling you, this is as real as your life!” he argued. Oh yes, my dreams had become more real lately. He really acted like Zabuza I remembered. When he didn't get his way, he would always become irritated. Then he would start arguing and then it would evolve to a fist fight.  
I grinned. If this was a dream...   
  
“The punch of death!” I yelled and hit Zabuza straight to the face. Hah! How do you feel about that dream-Zabuza! The only problem now was that my hand actually hurt. And Zabuza didn't seem to be happy. Well, at least Haku was. He let a soft giggle out and smiled at me.  
  
“You are a funny person, but...” Haku started but was then interrupted by Zabuza.  
“Akako, do you remember my policy about not hitting girls?” he asked with low voice. My trouble sense started tingling. Oh shit. This wasn't a dream?  
  
“I guessing from your tone that you don't have it anymore and I'm soon gonna have a rather nice bruise in my face?” I answered and smiled apologeticly. “I'm sorry!” Zabuza stared at me for a while. With that irritated look he always has.   
  
“You owe me one”, he sighed and for a moment I think I saw a soft look on his face. So, this was real after all? I looked around me. Now that I think about it, the world did seem kinda... strange. The colours were way too strong. Compared to this, the real world seemed grey.   
  
“It's...nice here”, I broke the awkward silence which had been going on for a bit too long for my taste.   
  
“Yeah, well. A bit boring for my taste.” Zabuza shrugged. “But I'm not complaining. At least I didn't go to hell and I have Haku for company. Well, without him I wouldn't be here. I'm sure of that.” Zabuza looked at Haku. “I guess I owe him. A lot.”  
  
I smirked. When I knew Zabuza, he was independent, egoistic and would've never admit that he owes to someone. And that soft gaze... A knowing smile formed at my face and in a second Zabuza's face turned into suspicious.  
  
“What?”   
  
“Nothing.” I still had my smile on.  
  
“You don't think that me and...” Zabuza looked at Haku. And then at me. And then at Haku again. “Oh fuck you, Akako.” I giggled. It was so clear! Homosexual Zabuza! Why hadn't I realised this before! I should have!  
  
I stopped giggling when Zabuza put his hands on my cheeks and forced me to look him in the eyes.  
  
“You know you have a special place in my heart, do you?” he said. “And nobody can take that away from me or you.” Alarm bells started ringing again in my head. He shouldn't be this nice. And definitely not talk about mushy stuff! What was going on in here?!  
  
“Uhm. You too”, I answered and had a questioning look in my face. Where was he going? I didn't have any romantic feelings for him, if that was what he was after for...  
  
“I'm sorry I kissed you”, he blurted out. I blinked. Oh yes, that kiss. I had already forgotten about it. I held by brow high. He looked like he was going to say more.  
  
“You are going to kiss me again, are you?” I then guessed. Sometimes, he was so obvious. Zabuza actually smiled. A tired smile, but a smile still.  
  
“Can't blame a man for trying?” he answered. “I'm dead, remember. It's not like I'm going to see you anytime soon.” He paused for a while. “At least I hope so.” I sneered.  
  
“Well, my plans don't consist of dying. Not just yet”, I answered. Ran. My plans consisted of finding my precious little girl.   
  
“You are not telling me something”, Zabuza said while searching my eyes. Hm. This moment was starting to develop something too sentimental for my taste. Zabuza was my friend. Highlighting the word 'was'. I hadn't seen him in ten years. I didn't know if he was the same boy – no man – he had been. And I had absolutely no romantic feelings for him.  
  
A thought about Kakashi lingered in my mind although I tried my best to push it away.  
  
“I hav-had a daughter”, I finally said. “And I believe I killed her myself. And now her ghost haunts me and begs me to help her, because someone is forcing her to stay. She can't go to heaven. Or whatever this place is.”  
  
“Is that even possible?” Haku asked. I startled. I had forgotten all about him. He was so quiet! He smiled at me.  
  
“It could be. You remember the seal I told you about? It would be sick as hell, but it could last even to after life.” I froze. Seal. How could I have forgotten. Now everything started to click. Oh God, I was so stupid.  
  
“I have a seal”, I said. “And I'm having nightmares where I'm forced to do things I don't want to.” Something flickered in Zabuza's eye.  
  
“Taizo”, he said with a certainty. “It's that fucking Taizo-teme. I was starting to have doubts when he disappeared from Kirigakure. But it makes sense. He was after you.” Zabuza clenched his fist. “That motherfucker. When I get my hands on him...” I stared at Zabuza. Taizo? The guy who sent me loveletters? I felt an eerie feeling ran through my body.   
  
“I... have the commandment seal. And Taizo is in control”, I whispered. “And he has Ran? Oh fuck, why didn't I figure this out myself!” I hit my fist to the ground. Goddamn, I was stupid and slow and everything in between! Then I started to think again. Wait a second... The white-eye had mentioned...  
  
“I have two seals. Who put the other one?” And that was the question Zabuza didn't have an answer for.  
  
“Another? Could it be that someone has invented a way to overcome the commandment seal?” he scrathed his head. “Yes, it could be possible...”   
  
“Zabuza, we are running out of time”, Haku pointed out. “I'm sorry, but we broke the rules when we brought you here and now it's the time to get you back.” He sounded genuinely apologetic although I was the one who got all Zabuza's attention. Zabuza nodded to Haku.  
  
“Do you have anyone you can trust?” Zabuza asked from me. I thought about it for a while. Well. Perhaps. Kakashi's team and Gai's team. They all seemed genuine. And had helped me.   
  
“I think so. Or at least Kakashi and Gai haven't given me any reason not to trust them. At least not yet”, I answered. Zabuza seemed puzzled.  
  
“Kakashi killed Haku”, he blurted out. “He's the Copycat.” I stared at him. He had...what? This was something hard to handle. Kakashi had killed Haku. So... was Kakashi a bad guy? Somehow my heart seemed to be falling. I had a bad feeling in my guts.  
  
“He was aiming for Zabuza. I took the hit for him”, Haku explained. I was still in a state of shock.   
  
“But in the end he turned out to be a good guy”, Zabuza concluded and patted my shoulder. It didn't reassure me.  
  
“You are getting me very confused”, I mumbled. Zabuza formed a mischievous grin on his face. Gah, I was starting to hate that grin.  
  
“He had a guy called Naruto with him. He's a good kiddo. Well, a bit irritating, but he made me realize something very important.” Zabuza shot a warm gaze towards Haku, who smiled back. Yaoi-warning started to ring in my head.  
  
“It was very nice to meet you, Akako-san”, Haku said and smiled a killer-smile. I mean, it would probably kill every teenage girl. “I made you this.” He offered me a frozen lily. “It should never melt.”   
  
“Kekkei genkai?” I guessed and he nodded. “It's beautiful, thank you.” Things were happening too fast. My brain was still coping with Kakashi killing Haku. And who had killed Zabuza?! What the hell had happened?!  
  
“Sorry, Akako. I wanted this to be a bit more... Well, what the hell, romantic was never my style”, Zabuza said and kissed me. Again, he got me by surprise. “You owed me that one too.”   
  
“I did?” I asked with round eyes. A pause! I needed a pause!   
  
“You hit me”, he said and grinned. “You still got a good punch. It would've been nice to see if you still handle the sword the way you used to.” He smiled at me. “I loved you. But it would've never worked. Friends?” he offered his hand. “Come to see me when you die.”   
  
“Uhm, yes, friends”, I stuttered. I was having a hard time following what was happening, but I still grabbed Zabuza's hand. Then the darkness started to swirl around me one again.  
  
“Don't miss me, we'll see sometime!” I heard Zabuza yell. “Tell Kakashi to Chidori Taizo's ass!”  
I actually laughed at it.  
  
  
  
  
I opened my eyes and saw a familiar ceiling. Under me was my bed. I blinked. So... it had been a dream? Right? Zabuza was still alive and well. And Haku too. If he was real and not some twisted hallucination I had created. I sighed and turned to my side.  
  
And there it was. On the pillow. The frozen lily.   
  
“Oh shit”, I managed to say. Talk about... supernatural. I didn't have much time to think about what had happened because there seemed to be some kind of ruckus behind my bedroom door. I rolled my eyes. If Lee was fighting with Neji again, I would kick them both out.  
  
But it seemed it wasn't Neji this time.  
  
“I'm sorry, but she's sleeping and she'll be very angry if anyone wakes her up!” I hear Lee yell. He got that one right. I didn't hear what the answer was or who was requesting to see me. I sighed. I needed to have some time alone right now. My life was too confusing.  
  
“But she sleeps naked!” Lee's final try was when my bedroom door opened. I stared at Kakashi. Then I realised I didn't have my blanket on. Then I realised Lee was staring right behind Kakashi. He had a nose bleed.  
  
There was a very awkward silence.  
  
“Get the fuck out or I'll swear I'll learn how to do Chidori and I'm going to stuck it in your ass”, I said to them both. The door closed almost immediately. My life was embarrasing and I really needed to buy pajamas.


	14. Tears

After making the good decision of saving money for some pajamas, I rose from the bed and tried to find some clothes. It was rather hard, because my mind was too occupied with other things. Mostly Zabuza, Taizo and Kakashi. Kakashi had killed Haku. But Zabuza had said he was a good guy. Taizo was after me. Taizo probably had Ran.  
  
I realised I was trying to put my legs in the same trouser leg.  
  
When I finally had dressed, I had made up my mind too. I was going to trust Kakashi like I had trusted Gai. He's a good guy, I reminded myself. Zabuza said so himself. They probably had a good reason to fight. In the end, Zabuza had been a missing-nin. Kakashi and Lee had seen me naked. Lee had a nose bleed. They saw all.  
  
I shook my head. Concentrate, for fuck's sake!  
  
I took a deep breath. I needed to have all my wits with me now. I needed to organize. I needed to face Kakashi and Lee with all the dignity I had left.  
  
Was this God's punishment for me visiting heaven unauthorised? I actually grinned to myself. God had a twisted sense of humour.  
  
I took a deep breath again with my hand on the doorhandle. I was going to make this. I wasn't going to blush. I would survive as a winner in this situation. I opened the door.  
  
Lee was sitting on my couch and jumped up when he saw me. He looked frantic.   
  
“I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, Lady Akako, I will swear with my life that I won't tell anybody!” he prattled. “I didn't mean to and I tried to stop him, I really did, please don't kill me!” Then he dropped from the couch and went to his knees. “I beg you, forgive me! I won't tell anybody!”  
  
I saw Kakashi raise his eyebrow from the kitchen table. He had helped himself and made tea. I realised he had another cup opposite of him. So he had poured some for me too? That was nice of him. Perhaps I wasn't going to punch him after all.  
  
I turned my attention back to Lee, who was still begging for forgiveness. I sighed. Oh God, why me?  
  
“Lee, calm down. I'm not angry. Or at least not yet, but if you are going to continue doing that, I'm going to be. So please, just stop.” I held a pause and frowned. “Wait, you are not going to tell what?”   
  
“That you have really small breasts!” Lee blurted out, before he could realise it would be better to stay silent. My brow twitched.   
  
“Get out”, I growled. Lee was too afraid to contradict and left with a super human speed. I scowled at Kakashi before he managed to chuckle. For a moment there was an awkward silence, but luckily it was him, who decide to break it. I was too... I don't even know what I was. Ashamed, angry, tired, puzzled. And on top of all that I was, to my amazement, happy to see him. I tried to convince myself that it all was friendly happiness, but I failed miserably.  
  
“It's nice to see that some thing never change”, Kakashi said with a humorous twinkle in his eye. I raised my eyebrows while I took the seat opposite of him.  
  
“If you mean my breasts and their size, please leave immediately”, I answered dryly.  
  
“Actually I meant your attitude, but if you want to keep the topic on your breasts, I'm not going to stop you”, was his counter. I could almost see the amused grin under his mask. I snorted. Perhaps it was just time to get to the point. I needed to tell him I knew about Zabuza and Haku. And again he was the first one to open his mouth.   
  
“I came here to apologize”, he stated while looking straight at me. And that really caught me off-guard. For a moment I was speechless, which is quite rare for me. And I had a feeling that I knew what he was going to apologize for.   
  
“I understand you were very close to Momochi Zabuza in your childhood?” Yep. I had guessed right. Ten points for me! I didn't have any idea when Zabuza had discussed with Kakashi about me, but it seemed that my name had popped up somewhere between the fight. Otherwise Kakashi wouldn't be here apologizing to me. So I nodded to him. I think I saw him biting his lip under the mask. He was pondering his words. It struck me then – he was nervous!   
  
I hit myself mentally. Of course he was. He was a partial reason to Zabuza's, my ex-best friend's death. Would I be nervous if I had to apologize something like that? Hell yeah.  
  
“You won't be seeing Zabuza again. He told me that he was sorry because of this, and the reason I need to apologize to you is because you can probably blame me for his death. I wasn't the one to give the final blow though, but I certainly did my best disabling him.” His voice was unbelievably steady and his gaze was firm when he looked at me. “I did it to protect my team and the village we were in. I had no personal grudge against him and I certainly didn't know he had some connections to you. I'm sorry for the way things turned out to be, but if I were in that situation again – I'd probably make the same choises. I know it might be a lot for you to take, but he is dead.” I blinked. His every word was carefully said, but I could still feel the determination behind them. He had done what he thought was right. And there was no way I could possibly blame him for Zabuza's death. If Kakashi hadn't fought, it'd be him in heaven right now, not Zabuza. Well, perhaps not in heaven.  
  
“I...” I held a pause, because I was afraid that my voice was gonna break down. “I know he is dead. I knew before you told me.” Now it was his turn to raise an eyebrow. Oh, he was so going to think that I was a crazy person. 'I saw Zabuza in heaven and he was happy!' Oh God, it sounded fucking retarted even in my head.  
  
“You did?” His tone was a bit suspicious and his body language told me that he was alert. The look on his face started to bug me. And I don't know if it was the mental stress or the fact I hadn't had a good night's sleep in a very long time, but something in my head just snapped.  
  
“Oh, for fuck's sake, I'm not crazy”, I blurted out. “I don't know myself how the fuck it was possible, but somehow the guy abducted me to Heaven itself and told me it. And fuck yeah I know I sound like a total lunatic, but that's how it happened and if you don't like it – then don't believe me. Haku even gave me a frozen lily! I still have it!” Kakashi blinked. Slowly. Like he had a hard time comprehending what I had just said. Well, I guess it was kinda hard to understand that I really could visit heaven and meet dead Zabuza.  
  
Now that I think about it actually sounded really insane. If I hadn't got the lily to prove myself, I probably would have enrolled myself to an asylum. Really. Heaven. Zabuza. Telling me his was dead. I could almost feel the madness in the back of my brain.  
  
“Alright then”, he muttered slowly. “Now that's something... quite unusual.” He lifted his hands up when I glared at him. “I do believe you, I do! But do you believe me when I sincerely say that I'm sorry?” There was only one word to describe the look on his eye. It was the 'puppy'-look.   
  
“Zabuza himself said not to blame you. And I guess I don't.” I shrugged. I really didn't know what I was feeling. And I probably would've liked more the state where I could've felt nothing. It's easier to think rationally when there isn't emotions to distract you. “So yes. I do believe you and I forgive you. Even though I don't believe there's point in forgiving, because I haven't blamed you at all. And I actually believe that Zabuza and Haku are happy now. Wherever they are. I'm not sure if that place was heaven. But something quite similar.”   
  
“You seem to be the center of many strange events”, Kakashi stated and took a sip of his tea. It was a hint. A clear hint. He wanted to know what had happened while he had been away. Had he talked to Gai before seeing me?  
  
“Are you suggesting that there could be something that I should tell you?” I was going to make this hard for him. I had to put up with Lee and Neji for over a week because of their mission. I needed to let my fuels out or otherwise I would lose my sanity and really enroll into an asylum. Kakashi just happened to be the perfect victim. He just knew how to bring the best out of me. He really had talent doing it. And I had a feeling he somehow enjoyed irritating me and making me yell at him. Masochist.  
  
Kakashi sighed at me and looked at the ceiling. For a while he just rocked with the chair, casually leaning back. That made me even more irritated. Didn't anything annoy this man? Wasn't there really any way for him to get mad at me? I wanted to have a good fight! Nobody wanted to argue with me. Neji just ignored me, Lee started begging for his life and Tenten was too sweet to argue with. I even tried arguing with Gai once. Believe – not worth trying. I was one of those persons who needed to argue or otherwise the tension would just build up and someday – kaboom – I'd explode. And I was really close to explosion now.  
  
“I talked to Gai”, Kakashi started. “He told me about the suicidal ninjas. He also told me of your daughter.” I stared at him. The anger was really building up inside me. Gai had told him everything? Didn't he know that my business was my own and if I wanted to share it with someone, it would at least be polite to ask me first before sharing my lifestory! I hated ninjas. Nothing was too personal for them.   
  
“Yep, there's been lots of happenings lately”, I muttered while staring at the table. I had forgotten to drink my tea and quite frankly – I didn't want to drink it anymore. Was it too much to ask for a normal life? With genuine memories? And without my friends dying, memories vanishing, suicidal ninja attacking, having a ghost daughter appearing?   
  
“Are you alright?” I heard Kakashi asking me. I was torn. On the other hand I wanted to tell him I wasn't and I was tired of all this shit and on the other hand I wanted to scream, yell and hit him in the hopes of making myself feel a bit better.  
  
“No”, I decided to answer. “My daughter is dead, because most likely I killed her myself. My friend is dead and apparently he loved me since he kissed me twice.” I held a pause. Taizo. How the fuck had I forgotten him? “Then there is this guy who had an obsession towards me when I was only a little girl. And it seems that he has put a control seal over me. And then there is this other seal and I have no idea who the fuck put that on me, but it seems it overruns the control one. And I'm so fucking confused that I don't even remember everything that has happened not to mention the fact I can't think properly! I have these freaky nightmares where I slaughter people and actually enjoy doing it. And I don't recognize that person to be me. I... I don't know who I am and that makes me so fucking mad I just want to go around punching people! I – hate – this – shit.” I had no idea when I had risen from the chair, but there I was standing, punching the table with my every word. I was panting. I was so fucking angry. I noticed Kakashi had taken the tea cup away from my reach, probably because I looked like I was going to throw things at the wall. Or at him.   
  
“Calm down”, he just said. “You are not rational when you are angry.” That just added fuel to my rage. Not being rational? Well, how the hell was I supposed to be rational?! Nothing was rational about my life! I put my best 'shut-up-if-you-know-what's-best-for-you'-smile on my face.   
  
“How can I possibly be rational, when anything that has happened isn't rational? What rational is in suicidal ninjas or ghost daughter? Please, enlighten me, because I really have no idea.”  
  
“I don't want you to ram your fist against a wall again”, was his answer. Then he sighed and before I even blinked he was next to me, holding tightly my shoulders. God, he was fast when he wanted to. “Calm down, please. Is that too much to ask for? I can't make the big picture out of your explanation if you are talking so fast, not to mention when you look like you are going to put a fist in my face. And I really don't know what I've done to deserve a fist in my face. Take a deep breath and start from the scratch.”   
  
I stared at him, still panting. I didn't want to calm down, I wanted to yell. But his look and tone was so serious I decided to inhale deeply and let it out slowly. And it actually made me feel a bit better.  
  
“Good. Now ready to tell me? You don't have to if you don't want to, but like in missions, I want to know as much as possible, so there won't be any unfortunate surprises. Like in our last one”, he added dryly. I took a deep breath again. Where would I start? Since Team 7 had left everything had went from complicated to uber-complicated. I wasn't even quite sure if I was sane.  
  
“After you left I... I went to the place where you had found me. I didn't remember anything, but that was when I met with Zabuza. He actually almost killed me, but in the end he recognized me and told me about my life in Kirigakure. Apparently I my clan was dying because of the sick contract we had made with another clan. They had come up with a seal that would control us and our abilities. It was called the commandment seal and we cannot refuse to perform a task when they order. He also gave me my blade talons”, I nodded towards the corner I had left them, “until he said he had something urgent to do. After that I saw a hellish nightmare and a hallucination, where I killed my daughter. Or it could've been a memory. How the hell could I know?” Tears started burning my eyes. Hell no, I wasn't going to cry. I bit my lip. I wasn't. “After that I contacted Gai and went to train with his team. Then the ninjas started attacking and I blacked out. After waking up Neji explained to me that I have two Chakra seals. That's when things started to get really weird. I saw my daughter's ghost when I was bathing and she told me that something was keeping her in this world, although she is dead. And I'm quite sure that I killed her and I have no idea why the hell would I kill the only thing that was precious to me in my life. After that I've seen nightmares night after night.” When I finished I realised my face was filled with tears. I was crying?   
  
The whole time I had been telling my story, Kakashi had listened with face full of concern and holding my shoulders. I don't know if he had forgotten that he had a tight grip of them or was he holding me to make sure I wouldn't fall to the ground.   
  
“And when I saw Zabuza again”, I continued, “he told me that the Commandment Seal could last to afterlife. It would be sick as hell, but how can you be sure it doesn't? And there is Taizo, who is both capable and willing to put a seal on me and to my daughter. But I don't remember him, not even how he looked like! I just remember his name and that I hated him. I have no idea how he would've found me, I ran away from Kirigakure when I was young and even faked my death. There was no reason for him to start looking for me! And he was probably the reason I killed my daughter yet I can never forgive myself.” I was still crying and I was beginning to be mad at myself for doing so. But I couldn't help it. Everytime I started to think about Ran I felt broken. Like there was something vital missing. And the fact I couldn't remember her properly, not her first steps, not her first word, made me feel even worse. I was the worst mom ever.  
  
“You are a strong woman, Akako”, Kakashi said to me while wiping a tear from my eye with his thumb. “And you have people to help you and you don't even need to ask.” I sniffled and tried to make my tears stop running.   
  
“Zabuza told that you should Chidori Taizo's ass”, I told him to make the atmosphere at least a bit more not-so-serious. Kakashi smiled his famous eye-smile at me.  
  
“Well, if you want me to do it, I'll do it”, he answered. I made a laugh attempt, failed at it and decided it would be best to stay silent for a while. Perhaps my period was coming and I was so emotional because of it? This day and especially this last hour had been a real roller-coasterride.  
  
“Thanks. For everything. I know I haven't been especially a dream person, but I really appreciate the fact you are coping with me and helping me although I can give you nothing in return.”  
  
“Don't worry. Didn't I tell you I was a nice guy? And you didn't believe me.” I smiled at him. He actually was. Well, beneath his bastardness. But I was starting to realise that he still had a grip of me. I think he realised it too, because he glanced at his hands and then the ceiling, like he was pondering on something. I guessed the result was 'oh, what the hell', since in the next moment I was even closer to him. He was hugging me. And quite tightly.  
  
And that caught me really off-guard. Not that I was complaining. His shoulder was really comfortable and the fact that there was a warm body with a beating hard next to me was a welcomed turn.   
  
“There's a shoulder you can cry on”, he hinted. “You've been trough a lot and it isn't healthy to keep it all inside you.”   
  
“What if I don't feel like crying?” I muttered against him. “I'm not a crying person.”   
  
“Then why are you crying right now? And cried during your explanation?” he asked. I stayed silent. Because I was so tired of all this? I just wanted to have a normal happy life and right now it seemed like an impossible task. And I wanted to remember. I wanted to know what exactly had happened and why Ran was dead.  
  
“How can I cry if I am already crying?” I whispered and tried to stop the flood that was trying to get past my eyes.  
  
Kakashi touched my jaw and made me look straight at his eyes. He studied my face for a while and that gave me time to study his. He looked tired too, probably because of the mental stress and they mission they had. But he had a look in his eyes that spoke of care.   
  
“You are holding them back. You can be weak sometimes, Akako”, he said to me. “Because I'm not trying to hurt you. Let someone else be strong for a while, ok?”  
  
“I'm afraid I won't be able to stop if I let them come”, I managed to utter.   
  
“Then there's no other choice but to stand here until the world ends”, he stated while smiling.


	15. Confusion

After crying like a monsoon, I felt like an idiot. Well, I usually do, because I hate crying. It makes me feel like an incompetent human, because I'm more of action person. If something is wrong – I do something about. I'm not the kind of person to cry in the corner alone and dwell in my sadness. Except for tonight. And I had really hard time accepting the fact that I actually felt better now.  
  
I glanced at Kakashi, who sat next to me on the sofa, reading his perverted novel. Something bugged me about him. Somehow this new 'I'm nice, please cry against my shoulder' -act felt wrong. Like it wasn't genuine. He raised his visible eyebrow, when he realised I was staring at him.  
  
“You're plotting something”, I accused. That made his eyebrow rise a bit higher.   
  
“Am I now?” was his answer. Oh, this was more like him. Annoying, mysterious ninja. Now I'm talking to the real Kakashi.  
  
“Or then you plotted something earlier and accomplished it after you made me cry”, I continued. Ok, maybe I was a bit rude with my claims that he hadn't been genuine with his sympathy, but it really bothered me. Kakashi just sighed and closed his book. All of his attention was pointed towards me.  
  
“Now why would I make you cry on purpose?” he asked as I rose from the couch. I spread my arms.  
  
“How the hell should I know? You are the evil bastard here, not me”, I answered and pointed my finger at him. “Spit it out. What were your real intentions?” I held a pause. “You didn't think I'd let you into my pants if you were nice enough, did you?”   
  
Seriously, Kakashi looked like he wanted to bang his head against a wall. And I've never seen an expression like that on his face. Pure frustration. It actually made me feel a pretty proud of myself. Have a taste of your own medicine, hah!  
  
“Alright, let's have it your way then”, he muttered and looked straight at my eyes. His eye was sharp and now it didn't contain the boyish humour twinkle in it. He was dead serious. “I just wanted to know if you truly feel regret for what's happened.”   
  
I was shocked. My mouth fell open and probably for the first time in my life I was left totally speechless. How... How could he say something so cold? How could the bastard possibly think I didn't feel sorrow? How could he possibly think I didn't regret Ran's death? Something inside me exploded.  
  
“Get out”, I said. “Get out now or I'll throw you out.”  
  
“You said yourself you wanted to know and I gave you the answer”, Kakashi argued. “Don't blame me for being honest with you.”   
  
“Honest?! Being honest with me? Don't screw with me you socially incompetent bastard! You admitted that you wanted to know if my feelings were real and that's why you had me crying for over an hour! What the hell do you think I am?! An iceburg?! Of course I fucking feel regret, of course I am fucking sad and of course I am afraid and of course I feel! I'm a fucking human being, how can I not feel?!”   
  
“Calm down Akako”, Kakashi tried. I hated to disappoint him, but I wasn't nearly finished. Or wait – no I didn't. I loved it. I loved every little second of it. If a man needs proof to know that I'm capable of feeling pain, regret and sorrow, he's a fucking idiot and deserves a punch straight to his face.  
  
“You want me to calm down?” I asked with the smile I hoped he had learned to recognize as the danger-zone-face. “Well, before I do my 'calming down', would you be so kind and explain to me why in the name of the motherfucking god do you need proof to know I am a human being with real emotions? Hm? How could I not mourn for the loss of a child? Why the fuck wouldn't I feel bad because my daughter is dead because of me?”  
  
“Do you enjoy killing?” was Kakashi's counter. I almost fell to the floor, because I was so surprised by the question. And the look on his face. This wasn't the nice 'I'll help you through your troubles'-Kakashi. This was the great ninja I had so much heard about.   
  
“I don't enjoy killing. Why would I enjoy ending a human life? I'm not a ninja, I have never been. I left my village, because I didn't want to become a killer. I can't even eat fuzzy and furry animals so how the fuck could I kill someone and enjoy it?!”  
  
“Because some people do and I need to know if you are one of them”, he said and put the 'Icha, Icha Paradise' in his pocket. I just stared at him. Where was he going with all this? I was now more confused than before.  
  
“You know perfectly well I don't enjoy killing! What the fuck is wrong with you?”   
  
“Do I?” he asked and scratched his head. “Do you?” I threw my hands in the air.  
  
“What kind of a cryptic philosopher are you?! I don't get you at all! Bastard!” I thought what would be the meanest insult and I come up with 'bastard'? Hell, I was getting rusty. Really rusty.   
  
“I'm just making sure that the Akako I see now in front of me is the real version.”  
  
I shook my head and waved my hands. I didn't have any words. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't I come up with any good insults? And why the fuck was he smiling now?  
  
“I really like this Akako, so don't lose her”, he stated and started to walk towards my front door. I just stared at him. What – the – hell?   
  
“Would you please start making sense?” I demanded him. “For fuck's sake, I can't keep up with your mood swings!” I had no idea what was going on. Had he just said he liked me? No, Akako, don't think about it. You need to stay mad. Angry. Insult him, because he insulted you.   
  
“Bye, Akako”, he answered and eye-smiled at me. “Think about what I said.” I looked around me. There had to be something I could throw at him! There must be something... “And I'm not going to stay here so you can start throwing things at me. See you!” Then he was out of the door and I was left alone. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to think. He was being a cryptical son of a bitch, yet all that he had said made sense. I had an amnesia. I couldn't remember even half of my life. So how could I really be sure this was me? Was I really like this?  
  
I sat on the couch before my knees would give out. I felt... I didn't even know what I felt. Confused? Yeah, perhaps that was the closest thing to what I was feeling right now. Kakashi was right. I had no idea who I was now. Or who I was before. I had seen glimpses of my former life and who I was, but that's all they were. Glimpses.  
  
I groaned at myself. Again I was feeling sorry for myself! I slapped my face and hissed when I felt the pain.  
  
“Get a grip of yourself”, I growled behind my gritted teeth. “I am me.” Saying it out loud made me feel a bit better. A bit more like myself. Or the self I was accustomed to believe was me. “Oh life, why did you decide to be so fucking complicated...” I glanced at the table, where two empty tea cups stood. “I hate you Hatake Kakashi, I hate you”, I muttered to the cups. “Everytime I see you, you either make me angry or cry. And now you've added uber-confusion to your repertory too. Great.” Then I realised I was talking to the tea-cups and sighed. At that moment I hated my amnesia more than ever. How was I going to argue against a comment like 'do you know yourself' when I can't be really sure who I am? Sneaky bastard, Kakashi...  
  
“This is me”, I said, again. “This is me, I am me. And I don't care what the scarecrow thinks, I am the real me.” Yet a small hint of doubt stayed within me.   
  
-  
  
-  
  
“You have been terribly absent-minded today”, Yoshiko commented my work. I had gotten a job from the hospital. Not like I was a nurse or anything, I just organized papers and ran small errands. The payment wasn't very good either, but it was a job. And I had Yoshiko to keep me sane. I muttered something unrecognisable to her. Now how was I going to explain Zabuza, Kakashi and Ran to her? I just couldn't. I needed someone who didn't know and treated me like a normal person would.  
  
“Oh, come on Akako-chwaaaaaan. I know Kakashi-sensei came back yesterday and stopped by your place...” The hint was clear enough without her poking my rib with her elbow. “What did you guys do for the whole night?” She wiggled her eyebrows and I shot an angry glare at her. How did she know? Did everyone in Konoha know what happened at my place and who visited me?   
  
“Darn, he was that bad? I always thought he'd be good, since... you know, girls talk quite much about him. And there was this one girl who said she went to heaven and back with him. I didn't know if I should believe her or not, since she always had a tendency to exaggerate stuff...”  
  
“Dear god, Yoshiko! I didn't sleep with him!” I yelled. A bit too loud, since everyone else heard it too and I received odd looks from my boss. I shot a terrible smile at him and then focused back on Yoshiko. Who by the way should've been taking care of the patients and not harass me about whether I and Kakashi had sex. “Don't you have work to do?” I didn't want to think about Kakashi right now or I'd start throwing stuff around. I was frustrated.  
  
“Oh... Oh! So that's why you are so grumpy! I know what we will do! Tonight, after work, we will go have some fun!” Yoshiko stated with victorious smile on her face. I raised an eyebrow. I didn't follow her. Her smile didn't fade. “Tonight, we are going to get laid!” I almost slammed my head to a wall.  
  
“Yoshiko, I like you very much, but,” I was cut mid-sentence.  
  
“I'm not going to get laid with you! I want a handsome shinobi, because they have terrific abs!” she said. I blinked. What?  
  
“Ok, here's our plan”, Yoshiko started. I was going to say there wasn't any plan, because I didn't share Yoshiko's passion for shinobi's abs, but didn't have the chance. “I'm going to come at your place at six o'clock, and then we're going to go at this bar.”   
  
“I'm not really sure if I want...”  
  
“No arguments! You need to get out of your house. And that's the end of it. Six o'clock, remember it! Now I need to treat my patients.” And with that she was off. I blinked again. What just happened? I recapped for a while and then groaned. It seemed that today I was going to watch Yoshiko do her man-hunting. I truly hoped she didn't expect me to participate. I decided to buy a bottle of sake before going home. I was going to need it.  
  
-  
  
-  
  
At six o'clock I was standing at my front door, staring at Yoshiko. That's really all I could do. Stare. This wasn't the nice Yoshiko I knew. This had to be someone else. Really. This woman in front of me, wearing a miniskirt and tight tank top, couldn't possible be the same woman I met at the hospital.  
  
“Do I look good?” she asked cheerfully before shooting a glance to my clothes. “That won't do.” I followed her gaze. What was wrong with my cargopants and sweater? I wasn't going to change them! Hell no.  
  
“I'm not going to wear a skirt if that's what you are implying. Yoshiko, that's were I draw the line”, I told her and let her in. And I was dead serious. No way I was going to wear a skirt and show everyone the hideous scars on my legs.   
  
“But I'm sure I gave you this really, really nice skirt in the hospital and you legs would look gorgeous in it!” she explained and hurried in my bedroom. “Do you keep you clothes in the dresser?” I heard her opening and closing the drawers. “It has to be here somewhere...”  
  
“Yoshiko, I don't care whether my legs would look good or not, I'm not going to wear it. You know perfectly well I have scars in my legs and I'm not going to go and show them to everyone!” I stated. Yoshiko's movement in my bedroom stopped.  
  
“I'm sorry, I forgot...” she said apologeticly. Then she cheered up again. “Then I'll just have to lure men for the both of us!”   
  
“I don't want a man”, I muttered. “I want my memories.” I thought Yoshiko wouldn't hear me, but I underestimated her hearing abilities.   
  
“Well, maybe you don't, but I do! Seriously, I need a man! I haven't had sex for two years and I'm going to lose my mind soon!” she told me and poked my chest. “And you are coming with me, whether you like it or not. Now take your purse and let's go!” I stared at her and tried to ignore what she just said. I didn't want to know about her sex life. Seriously.  
  
“Have you been drinking?” I asked her. She rolled her eyes and I thought it meant no. Apparently I was wrong.  
  
“Of course I have, we are going to a bar after all!” I stared at her for a while and decided I needed another cup of sake before I could leave to anywhere with her.


	16. Girls Nite Out

I had thought the night wouldn't be able to get any worse, but this moment proved I was very wrong in my conclusion. I had thought that getting to the bar was difficult. The reason for that was drunken Yoshiko, who had a mental breakdown couple of meters before we reached the bar entrance.  
  
”I'm ugly and faaaaaat,” she cried so loud that I was sure everyone in Konoha heard her. Few minutes earlier she had been completely normal so my conclusion was that the sake had finally reached her head instead of her feet. I had rolled my eyes at her antics and tried to keep her standing by gripping her elbow.  
  
After explaining to her that she was not ugly and definitely not fat (more like underweight) she had calmed down. Or then it was the fact that a shinobi without a shirt passed us and went to the bar. Yoshiko had run after him and disappeared to the bar before I had even blinked. It was pure luck that the bouncer hadn't seen her.  
  
Those incidents had led to this moment. This moment where I had to constantly remove the hands of a man, whose name I didn't even know, from wandering on my thigh. Yoshiko sat next to me giggling like a maniac and next to him sat the shirtless shinobi. His name had escaped my mind the moment he had said it, since I really didn't care, and after that he had given all of his attention to Yoshiko. Seeing that Yoshiko had company I had tried to excuse myself and leave the whole place, but Yoshiko had grabbed my hand and ordered me to stay put.  
  
”You arhe a verhy pretthy womhan,” the man sitting next to me slurred. I groaned and removed his hand, again, from my thigh.   
  
”And you are an annoying drunk,” I answered and sighed when he still didn't get that I was not interested. Not in slightest. And why was he harassing me? Of all the people in the bar he chose the one woman that had no interest in getting a man in her bed. Or at least not this man.  
  
”Buth youh arhe sho beauthifulh, I realhy wanth tho kissh youh,” he said and leaned closer to me with his lips puckered. I did the first thing I could come up with – I slapped him.  
  
”Now, if you'll excuse me,” I muttered and left the table with most of my dignity intact. I heard the man yelling angrily after me, but luckily he understood what was best for him and didn't follow me. I was quite sure he wasn't a shinobi and I had no desire to beat up a man that had no chances to win me. I wasn't sure if Yoshiko and ”the shinobi of her dreams” even noticed I left the table. That was a surprise considering that before she had had the nerve to order me to stay in the table. I raised my eyebrows. Just how drunk was Yoshiko? I glanced back and saw that she was sitting on the guy's lap and they were kissing passionately. My answer? Drunk.  
  
I shook my head in disbelief – the warm and welcoming Yoshiko lived a double-life. I would've never guessed her to be the type of woman to seek comfort in random strangers from a bar. Then again, if this was her first man in two years, maybe she really was desperate.  
  
”Sake, please,” I ordered from the counter and sat on one the tall bar stools in front of it. Most of the people sat around tables or on the bar's sofas, so I found myself sitting in a quiet solitude. Well, almost quiet. The two shinobi sitting next to me where having a conversation, but I wasn't bothered by them. I guessed their profession by the way they were dressed. Both of them had the same kind of flak jacket that Kakashi wore. Of course it was the same color too.  
  
Kakashi. I had tried to not to think of the handsome bastard, but I found it quite impossible. The man had an annoying way of penetrating my thoughts even when I thought it was not possible. It was starting to piss me off. Wait. Handsome bastard? Crap. My line of thoughts was starting to scare me.  
  
”Kakashi! You are four hours late!” the shinobi with dark, almost black, hair and a beard sitting next to me yelled and I almost choked on my sake. No, no, no. This was not happening. I was not stuck in bar with drunken and unpredictable Yoshiko with Kakashi in the same room. No, this was not happening to me. I tried to search for an escape route. Would Yoshiko kill me later if I just left? Could I even escape without Kakashi noticing me? Think, Akako, think!  
  
My rather erratic thoughts came to a halt when I heard the sentence that sealed my fate for the night.   
  
”Akako? I didn't think I'd see you in a bar,” Kakashi said directly to me and I knew my great moment of escaping the situation was gone. Now all I could do was to concentrate on keeping Yoshiko busy with his man and see that she didn't make any weird statements about me and Kakashi having sex. And I had absolutely no idea how I could do that.  
  
”Yeah, well, I didn't come here willingly,” I muttered remembering how Yoshiko had dragged me out of my apartment. Well, until her feet had given up and I had to drag her to the bar. Dear lord, that woman couldn’t hold her drinks.  
  
”You know this pretty woman and don't even introduce us? Kakashi-san, I'm disappointed in you!” the shinobi sitting next to the one who had spoken to Kakashi cried out and offered me his hand. I thought we were going to shake hands and suspected nothing extraordinary, so when he actually kissed my hand, I was left shocked and couldn't stop the redness forming on my cheeks. I wasn't quite used to this kind of attention.  
  
”My name is Shiranui Genma, but you may call me Genma every time you want.” He accompanied his words with a wink. I blinked. What was happening?  
  
”Idiot, not every woman wants you. I'm Sarutobi Asuma. I've heard a lot about you Akako.” The man called Asuma offered me a reassuring smile and I tried to smile back. I was still recovering from the not-so-subtle-flirt Genma had offered me. It took me a while until Asuma's words sunk in fully. I turned my gaze to Kakashi who was following the exchange with a hint of amusement in his visible eye.  
  
”You have spoken about me?” I asked with a hint of strain in my voice. I was quite sure everyone noticed it. Now that I couldn't avoid the future conflict I decided to jump in head first. Heck, my anger from before had not calmed down. ”How very... sweet of you. Did you introduce me as the iceberg or did you make a better characterization?” Kakashi was very wrong if he thought I had forgotten about his little ”test”.  
  
”I never said you were an iceberg! You said that yourself-”   
  
”Oh, now this is all my fault? It's my fault that you are socially incompetent and need to test people? Screw you,” I spitted. The gates of rage had been opened and I didn't plan on closing them anytime soon. I saw Kakashi shift his gaze from me to his two friends, probably to ask for help.  
  
”You're on this on your own, sorry,” Asuma said with a grin on his face. ”I'm not putting myself on the line of fire.”   
  
”I'm abandoning you to the enemies the next time we're on the same mission,” Kakashi muttered and turned his attention back to me. I was ready to continue my ranting to him, when I felt a hand on my shoulder. Blood froze in my veins. Fuck – I had forgotten about Yoshiko.  
  
”You two – hic – should have sex. Dirty, dirty, sweaty, rough sex,” she slurred and swayed on her feet. My mouth was left hanging open. I tried to erase the moment from my mind. It had not happened. I could feel my face changing red. My anger vanished quicker than Naruto's ramen and was replaced with horrifying embarrassment. Yoshiko on the other hand had seen Genma and found a seat next to him. I had no idea where she had ditched the previous conquest.  
  
”I'm a nurse – hic. Do you need healing?” she asked and fluttered her eyelashes at Genma, who found the situation hilarious by the look on his face.  
  
I could see that Kakashi was in a state of what-the-fuck-is-happening. I couldn't blame him. I was in the same place and in same state. Was there any way to fix this situation? I tried to come up with anything. So probably did Asuma.  
  
”I think you should,” he said after a while making both Kakashi and I look at him with utter disbelief. Had he gone mad? Or perhaps he was mad to start with? How could I know, I didn't know him! He raised his hands in a calming manner and continued: ”I mean, you both have sticks so high up in your asses I'm amazed you can even walk.” I would've killed him then and there if I hadn't been so shocked. People were actually suggesting that I and Kakashi... No. No. No. This was a dream. This had to be a bad dream. I had probably drank too much and passed out and now I was haunted with images only my drunken subconsciousness could conjure.  
  
”I'm not going to have sex with him!” I yelled and pointed at Kakashi. The whole idea was ridiculous! I mean, what were these people thinking! Had no one any idea of privacy?   
  
”How much have you drunk?” Kakashi asked Asuma, who just grinned back at him. They must've shared one of those man-things, because a sudden reflect of realization passed in his eyes. ”Oh. That might work.” I didn't have the time to ask what, since next thing I saw was Kakashi's butt and I found myself hanging on his shoulder.   
  
”We are leaving,” he stated matter-of-factly.   
  
”I'm not going to have sex with you!” I repeated. Why was he abducting me? What was going on? Why was Asuma following us? And why didn't the bouncer do anything to help me?!  
  
”Relax,” Kakashi answered me and continued his almost lazy walk out of the bar. ”We are going to have fun.”   
  
”Fun?! You are going to rape me you bastard, because I sure as hell am not giving you willingly!” I yelled and got the attention of passer-by's pretty easily, but as soon as they realized the commotion was about Asuma and Kakashi, they returned to their original task.   
  
”And why are you sticking along?” I yelled at Asuma. ”You really think he's going to let you into having threesome! The man is an egoistical bastard!”  
  
”You didn't exaggerate when you said she's feisty,” Asuma commented on Kakashi like I wasn't even there.   
  
”I think I bring the best out of her,” Kakashi said dryly. I bit by lip and tried to come up with better insults, which was pretty hard due to my head hanging upside down and Kakashi's butt moving in front of my eyes. It had a nice shape and I was tempted to squeeze it until I remembered that I had been abducted and I actually had no idea what was going on.  
  
”You are going to rape me in a forest and then dump my body there?” I spat out when I saw we were leaving the village and nearing a forest. The night luckily was clear so I could see pretty well.  
  
“You really got stuck on that sex-comment, did you?” Asuma laughed and I tensed immediately. Kakashi said nothing, just walked forward. I was really confused. If they were not going to rape me, then what the fuck was going on? I was really puzzled.  
  
It wasn't until we came to a small clearing Kakashi finally released me from my uncomfortable position. I looked at my surroundings. I could still see the village lights, so if it came to it, I would know how to return back without these two. Other than that, the clearing looked pretty normal.   
  
“Alright, you two – what the fuck is going on?” I asked. I hoped my tone stated my feelings. I was not amused and I didn't like to be left in the dark.  
  
“We need to let out steam,” Kakashi answered to me with his usual calm manner. I blinked. That meant what? Yoshiko's comment about “dirty, dirty, sweaty sex” invaded my thoughts and I was about to make my disapproval heard, when Kakashi lifted his hand to silence me. “We are going to have a fight.” My mouse was left hanging open for a while. Had I heard correctly?   
  
“I get to kick your ass?” I repeated just to make sure. Asuma chuckled and Kakashi furrowed.  
  
“No, but I will let you try,” he said. “No weapons, no ninjutsu. Just plain hand-to-hand taijutsu. The fight is over when either of us surrenders or when Asuma thinks we've had enough. Understood?” I nodded. I had understood. I would get to go all out and my target would be Kakashi. I felt a smile linger on my face. I would enjoy this. He had got on my nerves one too many times.   
  
“I'm ready,” I told Asuma. He got the same statement from Kakashi, who had his eyes locked on mine. I saw determination and a hint of amusement. He thought I was going to be easy prey? I was not going to lose. Every nerve on my body was ready and waiting. I had a clear strategy - strike on the weak points. Make him to take me seriously.  
  
“Ready – fight!” Asuma yelled and I felt my leg lift from the ground immediately. My aim was perfect and I found myself hitting the target. Next thing I knew, Kakashi was down and Asuma was scolding me.  
  
“No low-blows, Akako-san! We will continue after Kakashi has had a moment to collect himself,” he expanded the rules and offered a look of compassion to Kakashi, who was grimacing in pain behind his mask.   
  
“Alright, alright, understood,” I sighed.  
  
“You are getting rusty,” Asuma commented to Kakashi who offered him a nasty look in return.  
  
“I didn't expect her to be so quick or to take my private section as a target,” he muttered. I raised my eyebrow.  
  
“Really? That's the most natural place for a woman to strike,” I explained gleefully, but shut my mouth after I saw the look Kakashi gave me. If he hadn't been serious about the fight before, now he was.


	17. Fighting

I was eating dust again. Somehow, everytime I tried to connect with my punch or my leg - or actually with anything - I found myself eating the dust. I spat blood on the ground and counted my teeth with my tongue. They were all still intact so the blood was probably coming from my tongue. I had bitten it when I had crashed to the ground. I offered a glare at Kakashi, who hadn't even broken a sweat yet. He had thrown a feign and I had eaten the bait like a little child. I had paid the price though when his left foot had made a solid impact with my skull.  
  
”Ready to give up?” he asked casually. Casually! The guy was toying with me! I sat up ignoring the dizziness that almost overwhelmed me and tried to collect myself. I had sparred with Gai's team but they were nothing compared to the jounin in front of me. He was in his own league, but that wouldn't stop me from trying. I wanted to have at least one solid hit. Was that too much to ask for? One, good, solid hit. It wasn't like I was asking for a knock-out for fuck's sake!  
  
”That didn't even hurt,” I lied through my teeth and I'm quite sure he noticed it. Asuma said nothing, since he was too busy cancering his lungs.  
  
”Then get up,” Kakashi challenged me and I realized he hadn't forgiven me the low blow. Not a surprise. I shook my head to clear it, but the world didn't stop spinning. Actually, quite the opposite. A bile rose to my throat. I closed my eyes and tried to hold it back. I would not vomit. I would not. I repeated the line to myself until I was sick of hearing it. The kick had probably given me a concussion. How nice of Kakashi. He really knew how to make a girl feel special.  
  
”Akako, are you alright?” I heard Asuma ask, but I couldn't answer to him. I was afraid of opening my mouth. Breath through nose. Everything is fine. Flowers and butterflies. Rainbows. Pretty rainbows. Rainbows spinning in the sky. Oh, craaaap.  
  
”How hard did you kick her?”  
  
”She wanted me to go all out, so I went all out.”  
  
”Quit the crap, you haven't gone all out in years.”  
  
Their argument turned into muffled speech in my head. The blood was humming in my ears. I wanted this feeling to stop. I wanted to stand straight and not sit on the ground like an idiot. I was not helpless and I would not lose! I had lost before, too many times before and I would not lose again! Losing. It was never an option.  
  
I could feel my face and mouth itch. The pressure in my head was leaving, but my ears continued to hum. How dared he? He had kicked me so hard I had injured myself. He had mocked me, toyed with me and insulted me, time and time again.  
  
 _So, why don't you teach him a lesson then?_  
  
An animalistic growl escaped from my throat. I had defeated bigger enemies than him. I had defeated more than one enemy at a time. He was just one pathetic ninja. What could he possibly do to me? I couldn't die. I healed. I could heal from anything. A feral grin appeared on my face. Yes, they could do nothing to stop me.   
  
”Akako? Why are you growling?”   
  
_They hurt you, my love. They really hurt you. You hate them, don't you? You hate them really much. Teach them a lesson. Attack them. Rip their spines out. Feast on their blood. Crush their hearts. You know you can do it, my love. You know you can._  
  
I stopped breathing. No. No. This was not who I was. I saw my hands shook from the rage I felt and I tried to stop it by grabbing the ground. I needed to calm down. This was not who I was.  
  
”Please, go away,” I whispered. I wasn't sure if it was meant for the two ninja or for the voice in my head. ”Please, just... leave.”  
  
 _Me? Are you telling me to leave? Hah, I will never leave you and you know it! We were meant to be together, my love. Meant to be. I'm always in you as you are always in me. We were, are and will be one. Always. You can't deny that._  
  
I was shaking and my hands were twitching on their own. The feeling was abnormal. I ordered my fingers to stay put, to stay on the ground but I realized I couldn't control them. They had a life of their own. And I had a feeling I knew who was toying with me.  
  
 _Darling, you are utterly stupid if you think this village is trying to think of what's best for you. You really think they didn't know who or what you were? That you held to power to heal yourself? They want to have you for themselves. They want you to breed there, to give them an army of ninja who can heal at rapid state. That village would be invincible with them and you know that! Hokage knows it too!_  
  
”Akako, I want you to look straight into my eyes. You hear me, straight into my eyes,” I heard Kakashi's voice from somewhere afar. I shook my head. I was afraid of moving. What if I lost control? I was sure the voice belonged to Taizo, there was no other way.  
  
 _It really took you this long to figure it out?_ The voice sounded amused. _Then again, you've always been a bit on the slow side._  
  
”Akako – my eyes!” Kakashi's voice had so much authority this time that I didn't even think twice. I lifted my gaze from the ground and met his. All I saw was a red twirl in front of me.   
  
_You can't do this to me!_ I could feel Taizo's rage wash over me, but I didn't care. He wouldn't have me. He would never have me.  
  
Yes I can, I answered, but was surprised to hear Kakashi's voice joining mine. After that, I met the darkness, but strangely - I felt safe.  
  
-  
”  
-  
  
”Are you sure she is... all there” I could hear a concerned voice ask but couldn't quite place it. My head felt like it was filled with cotton wool and I found it hard to think straight. I debated myself for a while whether I should open my eyes or not. This felt like a hangover morning and I didn't want to face the skull piercing light called the sun.  
  
”I'm quite sure.” Now that was a voice I could place somewhere in my rather small memory chart. Kakashi. Why was he in my room? Had he really nothing better to do? I slowly opened my left eye to make a review of the situation I was in.   
  
Note number one: no piercing light. Of course there was light in my room but it didn't pierce my skull with unholy pain. So, no hangover, I guessed. Thank god for that. Note number two: Both Kakashi and Asuma were in my room, the latter noticing that I was awake. He nodded his head towards me to inform Kakashi of the changed situation too. I decided it was time for me to open my other eye too, so I wouldn't look like Kakashi-number-two.  
  
“Finally awake, huh?” Kakashi greeted me. I blinked. I wasn't really following. Asuma sighed at my puzzled expression.  
  
“How many fingers are up?” he asked and showed me three fingers.  
  
“Three?” I answered, still not getting what was happening and why. “Did I drink too much last night? Why exactly are you here?” They exchanged looks. Guy-looks. They knew something I didn't.  
  
“How much do you remember of last night?” Asuma asked carefully. I raised my eyebrows.  
  
“I went to the bar with Yoshiko,” I recalled. “And I left with you, because you wanted me to have a fight with Kakashi and then – oh my fucking...” I felt panic rising inside of me. Taizo. In my head. Whispering. I felt like I was poisoned. He was inside my head. Inside – my – fucking – head.  
  
“Akako, breathe. You can't hear him anymore, can you?” Kakashi said and laid a hand on my shoulder, to give me comfort. “He can't do anything now.” I nodded, although his words didn't reassure me. I tried to gain composure. Panicking wouldn't do any good in this situation.  
  
“You do know that Hokage-sama needs to be informed of this?” Asuma asked me. I just stared at him. What Taizo had said to me made sense in some way. I could be a valuable asset to a ninja village. I shook my head. No, I couldn't let Taizo's words poison my thoughts. I needed to make my own conclusions. Asuma on the other hand thought my shaking head was an answer to his question.  
  
“No?” he said out loud, just to be sure. He had a hint of surprise in his voice. “You don't want me to tell this to our Hokage? You could be a threat to this village's safety!”   
  
“No, I didn't mean that!” I hastily remarked. “I understand, you need to tell him. Of course.” What were my options? I was sure Asuma was going to tell Hokage even if I didn't give him permission to do so. Both Kakashi and Asuma were loyal to Konoha, not me. I would be a fool to think otherwise.  
  
“Do you need something? Tea? Water?” Kakashi asked me while Asuma left the room to meet with the Hokage. I glanced at him and saw that he had a rare look of compassion in his face.  
  
“No, no I don't,” I muttered. “All I want right now is silence and peace so I can put my thoughts together. My head feels like it was ran over by a carriage.” I could feel the familiar pounding of an incoming head ache from the back of the head. This day was going to rock.   
  
“I understand. I will be sitting in the chair if you feel like you want to discuss something.” He dug Icha, Icha Paradise from his pocket and sit on the chair placed opposite side of the room. I blinked. Had he not understood? Peace and quiet didn't mean: “Oh, please, sit in the same room with me. I find it very nice.”   
  
“I meant what I said,” I said sternly. I really wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone. Kakashi's glanced me over his book.  
  
“It's either me or someone from ANBU. Your call.” I gaped at him. Was this really happening?   
  
“I'm under house-arrest?” I asked and feared what the answer might be. Kakashi seemed to ponder the question for a while.  
  
“No, I'm pretty sure you are free to leave the house. Hokage-sama just needs to rethink the situation.”  
  
“Rethink the situation? What is there to rethink?!” I yelled and then it hit me. Oh fuck, I really was naive and stupid and everything in between! “You... you put the other seal on me.”   
  
“Me? No I didn't. It's just like I told you, I found you lying unconscious in the forest.”   
  
“I meant your village!” I screamed at him. Things were finally starting to make sense. First Taizo had somehow captured me and put the Commandment Seal on me. Then Konoha had captured me from him and put their version of the seal on me. I was disgusted. All this time I had been used by the village.  
  
“Now what makes you think that?” Kakashi asked calmly and put his book away. I stared at him and hoped my eyes could shoot Chakra-balls. How could he be so calm?!  
  
“You have been awfully interested in my powers and what has been going on, not to mention I was found near your village. I could be a very valuable pawn to Konoha, because of my healing abilities. Why wouldn't your village want to capture me? And this whole amnesia-thing? Clever! You thought you could make me believe your brainwash if I remembered nothing from my past, but I'm onto you now!”   
  
“Why is it so hard for you to trust other people?” he countered my accusations. I fell silent. Was I having this tantrum because of what Taizo had said? Or was this really what I thought?   
  
“I can't trust anyone, because I don't know how to trust myself,” I admitted after a while. “How could I trust others when I don't know who is looking at me in the mirror? And how could I trust anybody when they give me nothing back? I live in a world of secrets and I just can't take it!”  
  
“Would it make you feel better if I arranged you a meeting with Hokage-sama?” Kakashi offered me. I was sure my eyes looked like tea-plates at that moment.  
  
“You – you would do that for me?” I stuttered. I was amazed. I had been sure that after last night's incident no one would let me anywhere near anyone important in the village.  
  
“If it makes you realize we are not the bad guys - yes.”


	18. The Deal

I held my hands in my lap. Then I placed them next to me on the bench. The next thing I knew I was holding them in my lap again. I suppressed an irritated groan. I was nervous. I couldn't remember the last time I had been this nervous, but given the circumstances, that didn't say much. I was currently sitting on a waiting area next to Hokage's office. Even if the situation wouldn't make me nervous, the two ANBUs standing in the room certainly did. Kakashi's presence didn't help at all.  
  
Every time I moved on the bench I was assigned to sit on, and believe me I moved a lot, the ANBUs straightened their stance and I could feel their gazes following me. I started a perfect set of chain reaction everytime I decided I couldn't sit still! I'd move, ANBUs would move and finally Kakashi would sigh and told me to sit still, without even lifting his gaze from his perverted novel. How could I sit still? I was going to get some answers! This waiting was killing me...  
  
I started to move my hands again, but stopped mid motion and sighed instead. Even that started the chain reaction, although this time Kakashi didn't order me to sit still. I started to feel like a school girl who was about to go and meet the principal because she did something wrong. I didn't like that feeling at all.   
  
When the door to the office finally opened I sprang up from the chair. Finally! No more twitching on the bench! No more sweaty palms! No more tightening knots inside my belly! It was time to get some bad needed answers!   
  
I just hoped I would like them.  
  
The person walking outside of the office was probably a secretary or at least the multiple ink stains on his shirt and face indicated so. He had a messy brown hair and honey brown eyes that seemed to be looking at somewhere far away. I resisted the urge to wave my hand to see if he'd follow the movement.  
  
”Sarutobi Hiruzen, the third Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato will now see you,” he announced without even glancing my way. Then he spun on his heels and went back to the room. Kakashi straightened himself from the wall he was leaning onto and pocketed his book.  
  
”Ladies first,” he said and fell behind my step.  
  
”How very noble of you,” I managed to answer back. Oh god, oh god, I was so nervous. It felt like my whole life would depend solely on this moment. In a strange way, it probably did. I entered the room hoping I didn't look as panicked as I felt. I wanted to make a good impression.   
  
I sensed the stress in my body rise a couple levels when the whole room turned their eyes on me. Everything I was going to say escaped from my mind at that moment and I started to feel the overwhelming need to escape the situation at hand. I counted four ANBUs standing in the room before I managed to turn my gaze towards the desk. I immediately knew he was the Hokage. The aura around him spoke volumes. His gaze held intensity I hadn't seen in anyone's eyes yet. That man was powerful. I decided immediately I didn't want to make him angry.  
  
”Don't do any sudden moves and remember to bow,” Kakashi whispered to my ear before he, again, leaned against a wall. This time he didn't open his book at least. It gave me some comfort to have him with me, although I knew he was loyal to his village and its safety was his number one concern.  
  
”I am Akako, a pleasure to finally meet you,” I started and bowed. What was I going to say next? Every line I had thought about had decided to leave my head. ”I, well, I hoped that...” My voice was stammering, damnit! I felt like a little girl. Where was my burning fire when I needed it? I had feared my temper would have the best of me yet again but it seemed it had left me altogether.   
  
”I am the Hokage of this village, Sarutobi Hiruzen,” the Hokage answered me and interrupted my erratic thoughts. ”I understand that you have a lot of questions that I might be able to answer, am I right?” His tone was...friendly? I was puzzled. Why was he sending me the wise grandfather vibes?  
  
”Uhm, yes, that's quite right,” I uttered. Gosh, I didn't sound like myself at all! What was going on with this situation? I'm quite sure I radiated nervousness around me! I didn't like it at all. I didn't like this situation at all! Oh god, why had I requested a meeting?   
  
Because I wanted answers, a small voice in the back of my head commented.   
  
”And...?” Hokage instructed me to go on, before the awkward silence would swallow the whole room. I swallowed. Gosh, I was afraid! What would happen to me afterwards? What if the answers were unpleasant?   
  
”Did you put the other seal on me?” I splurted out and hoped I didn't sound as desperate as I felt. Some part of me hoped they hadn't. It would mean they had been honest with me from the start and I could continue my daily duties as if nothing had happened. The other part of me already knew the answer and was frantically waiting for the resolution.  
  
”Yes” was the answer I got and dread settled in my heart. So it all had been a lie? I glanced at Kakashi and hoped he would feel guilty. Terribly guilty.   
  
”Why?” I asked. Had they hoped to control me? To get me as their newest weapon? I felt betrayed. I wasn't even angry. Just... disappointed. It was like all the fight in me left and I just stood there waiting for the final judgment.  
  
“How much do you know? Tell me everything you know and I will fill out the holes. You will then understand my decision.” Somehow I doubted the Hokage's words. Decision to do what? Make me believe I was accepted citizen of Konoha? That I was an amnesiac patient? He had an ulterior motive. I just wasn't sure yet what I was.  
  
“My name is Akako from the village of Kirigakure. I have the ability to heal myself from injuries. This trait runs in my clan. Other clan decided to use this trait as their advantage and invented a seal that is planted on us. The seal makes us do whatever they want us to. Mostly we are used in battles, to protect our masters. If a master dies, servant dies too. As a child I didn't want that to happen to me, so I faked my death and ran away. I've collected that much from the glimpses I do remember and what others have told me.”  
  
“And you do not know what happened afterwards?”  
  
“I can guess what happened. I tried to live a normal life. I had a child, but somehow I was found and the commandment seal was planted on me. Somehow you found a way to overcome it and next thing I know, I'm lying on a hospital bed knowing and remembering nothing!” I realized I had raised my voice towards the end and that my hands were clenched. I took a few deep breaths to calm my self down. I was a nerve wreck. Not good. Makes bad impression. I slowly opened my hands and tried to appear calmer than I felt.   
  
I could feel Hokage's eyes follow my every moment. Hell, everyone in the room had their eyes on me, like I was some sort of caged animal ready to bite them if they ventured too close.  
  
“Two years ago we received grave news from a neighboring village,” Hokage started and I tried to swallow down the lump that had mysteriously appeared in my throat. “Everyone in the village had died. No survivors. Even the children had been killed. Two months later another attack happened. This time to a trading caravan. No survivors. We tried out best to investigate these brutal slayings but found nothing. Until the third attack.” I felt a dreadful feeling set into my heart. How was this related to me? How was I a part of this?  
  
“After the third attack we received a message from a man claiming to be responsible. He stated these attacks were just the beginning and at the end the whole world would kneel to his superior command. He asked us to surrender and we could be spared. He would sent a messenger to us later to receive our reply. We tried to imprison the messenger so that he could be interrogated but it resulted in him killing himself.”  
  
“Just like the ones who tried to attack me by the river,” I interrupted and Hokage nodded. I was starting to see a pattern here: fucking Taizo was responsible for everything!  
  
“The attacks continued randomly. Sometimes someone was spared and we always received the same description of the events. Someone had come and started butchering the civilians. The villages started to beg for protection and I had no choice but to send some ninjas to guard some of the villages. If an attack happened to come, they were found dead too. The leader of the Fire Country contacted us and ordered us to do something. But we didn't know where to start until one of the Hyuugas managed to stay alive. We finally got something we could work with.”  
  
I started to connect the little dots in my head. Neji was from the Hyuuga-clan. He had Byakugan and with it he had seen the seals. My eyes grew big when I started to realize the big picture. Hokage hadn't mentioned many attackers. Only one. My hands started to tremble. I waited for him to continue his story although I knew I wouldn't like at all. If my line of thought was correct...  
  
“He had seen the attacker clearly. Flaming red hair, blue eyes and lean frame. Normal attacks didn't work, since she had the ability to heal at rapid speed. She used claws and water type jutsus to attack. Byakugan revealed a Chakra seal inside her.”   
  
I felt my knees buckle. I could feel all the color leaving my face. I had been the one to kill all those people. How many lives had I ended, only because Taizo had told me to do so? My breath caught on my throat. I had even killed children. It had been me.  
  
“Why didn't you just kill me?” I asked. My voice sounded strange to my ears. Strained. I didn't recognize the look on Hokage's face when he looked at me. I couldn't tell if he was pitying me or thinking about killing me.  
  
“We didn't know how. And after we realized you had the seal inside you, we came to the conclusion that you were somehow possessed, much like the messengers had. You weren't the biggest problem, the one behind your actions was. And to get to him, we needed you. Our village holds a lot of knowledge, some of it hidden away in Forbidden Scrolls. As the Hokage I have access to them. We found a way to overcome your seal by planting our own. Some of the best ANBUs I've known died while inserting our seal. I had hoped that after being freed from your master, you'd be helping us willingly. If not, then by force. The downside was that the seal would take away your memory too, so getting information would be hard.”  
  
I was speechless. My mind was trying its best to comprehend everything I was being told. Taizo had used me. Used me to kill people! Only he knew what else he had done to me. I couldn't resist a shiver going down my spine. I felt violated. I felt sick. How was I still standing and not collapsed on the floor was a mystery to me.  
  
But if the seal took away my memory too, why was I having flashbacks? Shouldn't it lock them away permanently? Or perhaps the seal was breaking... That would explain why Taizo was able to enter my mind.  
  
“It's breaking, isn't it,” I whispered. It was more a statement than a question. I looked at the floor trying not to cry. All those people... For what? For Taizo's sick pleasure? Why had he done it?! If the seal broke, would I be doing it again? Killing for Taizo. I decided immediately I would rather rot away in a cell dedicated to murderers.  
  
“Your healing Chakra is rejecting it, so yes, it has weakened and will eventually break,” Hokage answered, his tone of voice serious. I felt hope drain from my body.  
  
“So... what happens now?” I was sure my voice betrayed how powerless I felt. I hated myself, but I hated Taizo even more. He'd pay for everything he did to me. For everything he did to precious Ran. I just didn't know how to do it.  
  
“Well, you have two choices. One is to wait until the seal breaks, be interrogated and finally killed. Even you can't escape the cells when the guards are on high alert. The other options is to help us. Your master wants you back alive that we can say for sure, otherwise he wouldn't be sending anyone after you.”  
  
“I would be a bait,” I concluded. I didn't like the idea, but it certainly sounded better than losing myself and getting killed. But in the end, perhaps I'd die anyway. When the master dies, the servant dies.   
  
“Yes, you'd be a bait. But he would have a hard time to get you from our village. He would get caught and when he does, we could make him remove the commandment seal from you. But this requires that you'd let us strengthen our seal,” Hokage offered.  
  
I was sure my eyes looked as big as tea saucers at that moment. Remove the commandment seal? I gulped. They were offering me a second chance. I wasn't sure I deserved it.  
  
“The seal you placed... can be strengthened? You could remove the other one?” I had to make sure I was hearing right. This couldn't be true.   
  
“Yes, it can be strengthened. It is a painful procedure and we'd need to do it often, but it would give us and you time. And yes, every seal can be removed. Sometimes only the planter knows how, but its always possible,” Hokage explained and offered me a look of sympathy. “I know you are not a killer, Akako-san. Every action you've done since you've been to Konoha speaks so.”  
  
I was sure I would be spilling tears soon. They could just wait for the seal to crack and interrogate me until there was nothing left, but they were actually willing to give me a second chance? They were going to let me live here and protect me from Taizo? I felt my lower lip starting to tremble.  
  
They were going to help me.  
  
“I... I... I accept your offer. The better offer that is. I mean, I'll be the bait,” I stuttered. They. Were. Helping. Me. Those words pounded my skull. A thought then crossed my mind. I could perhaps make an alteration to the deal. I wasn't a killer but I knew someone who the world could live without. “But I have one request.”  
  
“Fair enough. I'll hear it,” Hokage stated and motioned me to continue. I swallowed and thought about Ran. I could feel the fire in my heart starting to burn again. I had hope.  
  
“Taizo, the man behind all this, made me kill my own daughter. I wish that upon capturing him, you won't show him any mercy,” I said with a steady voice. Taizo didn't deserve any.   
  
“Believe me, we won't.”


	19. Strengthening

I didn't know what to think. On the way back to my apartment my brain had decided to shut down and I couldn't recall anything of the journey back. I woke from my haze when Kakashi placed a cup of tea in my hand and I glanced at his worried face.  
  
”You have been awfully quiet,” he said. ”Are you alright?” I shook my head and placed the tea on the sofa table. I didn't want to dwell on things. I didn't want to know I had...  
  
I had killed all those people. The realization of the situation started to sunk in. In Hokage's office I had been shocked, but now I was really beginning to understand what I had done. No! I shook my head. What Taizo had made me do. Taizo was the reason. He was the one to blame. Not I.  
  
But it had been my blades. It had been my hand. It had been my body. I started to shake.  
  
”Shh, calm down, it's all right now, it wasn't you,” Kakashi started to say to me, his tone reassuring. The problem was I didn't want to listen to him. I shouldn't be here, on my sofa, drinking tea, listening to his kind words! I should be rotting away somewhere. I should be punished, for what I had done.  
  
How many had I killed? How many had died? How many had begged for mercy, to know what was going on, why them?  
  
And even the children...  
  
I felt sick. A bile rose to my throat. I rose from the sofa and ran to the bathroom with wobbling feet. I hoped the sick feeling would have left me when I vomited, but it stayed. I hugged the cold porcelain and begged I could feel normal again. I hoped I could forget.  
  
I realized I didn't deserve to forget.  
  
”Do you want to be alone?” I heard Kakashi ask through the closed door. I got a feeling of déjà vu. He had been there for me when the nightmares had started. He had been there for me when I needed someone. And he was here even now, even when he knew.  
  
”No,” I whispered, ”but I smell like vomit.” He peeked inside and made a light chuckling sound.  
  
”Then brush your teeth and come sit somewhere soft,” he suggested before he turned to serious again. ”Akako, you can't lose yourself now. You are a strong woman. Don't let that bastard's deeds turn you into something you are not.” I didn't meet his eyes, but instead looked sternly at his feet. Was he trying to say I should not blame myself? How could I do that? Kakashi sighed.  
  
”I'll wait you in the kitchen.”   
  
I stared at the door after him, pondering his words. I was torn. But he had spoken the truth, at least partially. Even now Taizo was affecting me. He had made me kill innocents and those people would haunt my thoughts until I died. He was going to pay for it. He was going to pay for every single one. I had never wanted to kill anyone. I had never wanted to be a shinobi. The only thing I had wanted had been a simple life.  
  
He had taken that away from me. He deserved to die. I clenched my hands and rose from the floor. He was the reason I felt like shit. He was the reason my daughter was dead. He was the reason my Ran would never grow up. He was the reason behind everything.  
  
“I don't know if you can hear me you son of a bitch,” I hissed at the mirror. I hoped the connection me and Taizo had would make him magically hear my words. I hoped he realized I was not going to be used anymore. I wasn't going to be his slave. “I'm going to make you pay for every single life you made me take. I'm going to make you release Ran. I'm going to make me release me.” I stared at my reflection almost hoping for an answer. I didn't really think I would receive one.  
  
The pain hit my skull unexpectedly and I grasped the sink's sides before I fell to the floor. I saw stars.   
  
_I always loved your hair... Your long, long hair._ I clenched my teeth together and tried to stay standing. _My love, I miss you so. I miss the feeling when I run my hands through your silken strands..._  
  
“Leave me alone!” I yelled as hard as I could and gasped for air when the pain stopped as quickly as it had come. Kakashi was at my side in an instant, taking a firm grip of my hand.  
  
“Taizo?” he guessed and I nodded. “The seal needs to be strengthened.”   
  
“Can you do it?” I asked and tried to steady my breathing, Taizo's words ringing in my ears. That bastard...   
  
“Yes” was the simple answer and I nodded again. Taizo loved my long, long hair? I winced.  
  
“I need scissors or something sharp first,” I decided and Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow. I looked at him through the mirror. “It won't take long.”   
  
Kakashi seemed to wonder what I was up to, but still handed me one of his kunais. His eye followed me when I grabbed my hair and raised the kunai. It was goodbye-long-hair-time. I didn't feel any regret when I started cutting my long strands. One by one they fell on the floor.  
  
“He said he liked my long hair,” I muttered as an explanation for my odd behavior when I was finished. Kakashi nodded and tilted his head to look at me from a different angle.  
  
“It suits you,” he commented my ear-length, unevenly cut hair. I grimaced.   
  
“No it doesn't, but thank you still,” I laughed and tried to keep the mood light. By wallowing in self-loathing I could accomplish nothing. I needed to be strong. I needed to bring Taizo down.  
“Are you ready?” Kakashi asked and walked back to my sofa.  
  
“As ready as I'll ever be,” I answered, a hint of strain visible in my voice. The Hokage had warned me that this would be painful. But considering I wouldn't fall into someone's slave again, it was a small price to pay.  
  
I raised my eyebrows when I realized Kakashi was moving my sofa. Why was he suddenly redecorating my apartment?   
  
“Uhm, what are you doing?”  
  
“We need space,” he stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Can you move the rug? I need to make markings on the floor too.” I did as he asked. I had no idea what he would need or what he would do, but I hoped the feng shui in my apartment wouldn't be completely ruined after he was done. I liked it the way it was.  
  
He glanced around when I was done and measured the space we had cleared. It probably was enough, since he didn't start moving the kitchen table.  
  
“You need to take your shirt off,” he stated and I woke from my furniture-haze. He had started to paint symbols on the floor, but his tone of voice was too self-pleased to be trusted at. I furrowed and took of my sweater. “The top too.” I stopped in mid-motion and glared at him.   
  
“I'm quite sure you've already seen what there is to be seen. Twice. So why do I need to take the top of?” I asked. I was suspicious.   
  
“I need to draw symbols to your skin too,” he answered, not even lifting his gaze from the floor he was working on. “And I need you to come and sit here.” I sighed in defeat and threw my top to accompany my sweater. Hell, he had already seen me topless twice, it wasn't like he would see anything new. And at least I had my bra on.  
  
“You need to take that one off too.” My jaw almost fell to the floor and a creeping blush was appearing on my cheeks.   
  
“Hell no!” I yelled. Kakashi just raised his eyebrow at me and I knew I had lost. I reached for the lock behind my back and tried to cover my naked chest with my hands when the bra fell off.  
“Sit here. I promise I won't look.” The amused look in his eye betrayed him. He enjoyed this. I tried to look like I didn't care when I sat in front of him. I would keep my dignity and face this situation like the adult I was.  
  
I didn't believe myself at all.  
  
I heard Kakashi take a deep intake of breath behind me and I couldn't resist a shiver when I felt his fingers travel along my spine. The paint felt cold against me skin.  
  
“Did the bastard do this too?” he asked sounding...angry? Was he angry for me?  
  
“No,” I answered, in wonder. “It was my mother.” I felt his finger do a sudden movement, in surprise.  
  
“Shit, I need to repaint that one,” he muttered. I blinked. He was. He really was angry. I felt the fabric of his shirt against my back when he wiped away the ruined marking before he continued to draw with his fingers. They traveled up and down my back, sometimes surprising me and making me flinch.   
  
“You need to stay still,” Kakashi whispered close to my ear. He was so close to me I could feel his breath tingling my now bare neck.   
  
“I can't when your breath tickles me,” I complained without thinking my words. I could feel the blush creeping again. Kakashi just chuckled and moved to draw on my bicep and arm. I felt like I was naked.  
  
“You need to move your arms, Akako,” he pointed out. I glared at him. It was not fair I had to sit in front of him half-naked and he could have all his clothes on. If I had to be embarrassed, he had to be too!  
  
“It's not fair,” I complained. The look Kakashi gave me was skeptical.  
  
“Really?” he asked. I nodded and refused to move my arms anywhere.   
  
“If I have to be topless, you need to take something off too!” I concluded. “It is only fair.” He blinked.   
  
“You want me to be topless?” he rechecked with raised eyebrow. I rolled my eyes. It hadn't even crossed my mind. Wait a second. Yes it had. But curiosity had won.  
  
“No,” I answered. He furrowed and stared at me. He was probably trying to read my face, but got nothing.  
  
“Then you want me to...?” he motioned me to finish his sentence. He hadn't guessed what I wanted. I had thought it was obvious.  
  
“I want you to take of your mask.”  
  
“My mask?” he repeated.  
  
“Yes, your mask. The thing hiding half of your face. I haven't seen you taken it off even once! If I'm going to sit here topless, I except to see your face properly!” I explained. Kakashi seemed to ponder my offer for a while.   
  
“I seriously don't understand people. Everyone always wants to see what's under my mask,” he muttered to himself before locking his gaze with mine. “But alright. I'll do it.”  
  
Kakashi started to lower his mask and I couldn't resist a grin of victory appearing on my face. It took about 3 milliseconds for that grin to disappear.  
  
“That's not fair!” I yelled when another mask appeared from underneath the first one. Kakashi just chuckled. He dared to chuckle! I started muttering swearwords.   
  
“Sorry, I use two to tease my team,” he said. He then revealed his face under the second mask.   
Straight nose, smirking lips, strong jaw-line. Handsome. Definitely handsome. The scar ending on his cheeks only made his face more appealing. My face-studying was interrupted when he reminded me I had to do my part too. I blushed.  
  
“I'm sure we made a deal, so you need to keep your part of it too,” he pointed out. I sighed, closed my eyes and raised my hands up.   
  
“Do it quickly,” I muttered. I heard him sneer and winced when the cold paint on his finger touched my chest. I tried to keep my eyes closed or look at anywhere but Kakashi's face. I didn't succeed.  
  
“Wipe that smirk off from your face,” I told him when I saw it.   
  
“Why?” He didn't even lift his gaze!  
  
“It annoys the hell out of me.” If possible, his smirk grew even wider. I sighed in defeat and hoped this session would be over soon.   
  
  
Kakashi's fingers drew the last marking on my forehead. My whole torso was covered in writing, symbols and god-knows-what. He had taken his time on my chest-side and had looked way too pleased with himself while doing it.   
  
“This is going to hurt,” he warned me. I glared at him. The smirk he had earlier on had disappeared. I frowned. He was serious. The Hokage had warned me too. I started to have doubts.  
  
“How painful is this going to be?” I asked and hoped my voice didn't betray my fear. I didn't like pain. It was one thing I could live without.  
  
“I'll try to soften the blow, but seriously speaking, I'm not sure,” he answered. I swallowed. “Ready?” I nodded, not trusting my voice would held.   
  
Kakashi raised his forehead protector and revealed the eye under it. I had seen it before, I realized, when I had fought him and Taizo had tried to take control. I couldn't take my eyes of it. That was probably part of Kakashi's plan, because next thing I knew, the markings on my skin started to glow. They burned.  
  
I resisted a scream that was trying to escape from my lungs. Every coherent thought from my head disappeared. Pain was the only thing I felt and knew. Every fiber of my being was on fire. I was burning inside out. But still I couldn't move my gaze from his eye. And the pain started dulling to the background. The only thing that mattered was the red circle with black swirls circling around and the calm voice of Kakashi. _It doesn't hurt._ I believed him. It didn't.


	20. The Morning After

 

_It was spring time. I could tell it by smelling the ocean air. The winter was passing. Already the first flowers had started to bloom and the heavy rains subside. Soon I'd see white sails in the horizon._

Ran had flowers in her hair. Water lilies. I could see her ahead staring at the horizon. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. My heart burned.

She heard me and looked back at me. Her face was stained with blood, as was her hands.

”Mommy?” she asked with lost voice. I tried to answer to her but couldn't speak. ”Mommy, where is daddy?”

I tried to answer to her. Tell her that everything was alright. Nothing bad was going to happen.

But the air was already tainted with smoke. I didn't see white sails in the horizon.

//

I woke up later with my neck stiff and something bumpy under me. I didn't recognize where I was at first and could feel my heartbeat starting to fasten until I recognized my kitchen table.

Which meant I was still at my apartment. And apparently sleeping on the floor from the look of things.

Wait, a very bumpy floor?

I blinked again, trying to get rid of the cobwebs and tried to make sense of things. The lights were out, but there was definitely something under me. Something that groaned when I hit it with an elbow.

”Don't hit me, woman,” Kakashi muttered and by the sound of it fell back asleep. I sighed. So apparently I was in Kakashi's lap. My first reaction was to blush furiously. The next reaction was anger. I wasn't some teddy bear to sleep with, goddamn it!

The third reaction was the realization that even though it wasn't the most comfortable position to sleep in his lap on the floor, I felt safe. And warm. And he smelt nice.

When I realized I was smelling the air and humming with approval. I blushed again.

Goddammit Akako, get a grip! You might've not had a man in who knows how long a time, but still. This was just ridiculous.

Clearly Yoshiko was putting too many ideas in my head. Apparently those ideas had started to have a life of their own. Damn Yoshiko.

I tried to get up but noticed that Kakashi had a tight iron grip from my midsection. I also noticed I was still topless. I was covered with a blanket, but yep, definitely no shirt underneath.

”You could've at least hypnotized me to wear a shirt or something,” I muttered. ”I'm quite sure you are really just a huge pervert just waiting to take advantage of my fragile state. Well you know what? That isn't going to happen. The gates to my paradise are shut. Tight. Real tight.”

I couldn't believe I had just said that out loud. Luckily Kakashi was sleeping. Otherwise I would never hear the end of this.

I finally managed to pry his hands of me so I could tiptoe to the toilet. I managed to make the mistake of turning on the lights and blinded myself.

”Fuck you too,” I whispered and turned the lights out. Utter and total darkness. ”I'm an idiot.” I turned the lights back on. Too bright. ”Fuck you life.”

I closed my eyes for a while and tried to gather myself. The remains of a dream tickled my thoughts, but I couldn't quite grasp them. Ran had been there. And me. We had waited for something, but when I tried to focus on the details, they escaped me.

A head ache was already forming. Probably side results of the seal. Well, nothing was never easy and painless right? Thank you life for that too. Amnesia, pain, a homicidal maniac after me and – fuck.

I noticed my curls on the bathroom floor and glimpsed at the mirror. Oh, that was horrendous. Just... No.

”I need to find a scarf to put on at work. Or maybe a hat.”

I had thought Kakashi's hair was messy. In a totally cute and hot way, but still messy.

Wait, cute and hot?

I groaned. What was happening to me. That bastard was just too, too... caring. And way too handsome for his own good.

And I just slept in his lap. And I think I liked it.

I didn't know whether to be ecstatic or horrified.

With mixed thoughts I returned to the living room after snatching pain killers for my growing head ache. The devil himself was awake. And I had forgotten the blanket at the bathroom. Great.

”You could at least avert your eyes. It would probably be considered the gentlemanly thing to do,” I suggested while covering my critical parts. He had the nerve to grin.

”Nothing I haven't seen before,” he retorted and apparently had no intention of looking somewhere else. I at least had the brain to shut the bathroom lights so the room was dark again.

”I thought you slept.”

”I just received an elbow to my ribs. Try sleeping after that,” he answered and yawned. ”What's the time?”

”I have no idea.” It was still dark outside so it was probably late and not early. ”Uhm, you want coffee or something?” Hell, what was I supposed to say in situation like these. Why did I even get into situation like these? This was just absurd. I had a hot male in my living room while I was standing right at his field of view topless.

Then again, maybe his perverted book was just filled with situation like these. Only someone with mind dirty enough could even come up with something like this.

”You are throwing me out?” he asked with raised eyebrow. He was wearing his mask again. I wasn't sure he actually had even taken it off. My mind felt pretty hazy. Maybe it was all his genjutsu.

”Maybe you really have fish lips,” I muttered and realized too late that I was thinking out loud again. Brain, start working! Now, please. Now.

”What?” Kakashi asked with a puzzled expression. The moonlight from outside shone in his hair and to my horror I realized I would've liked nothing better than to touch it. It looked amazing.

I broke out from my day - or I guess night - dreaming when he coughed.

”Uh, I mean, you don't want coffee?” I tried to save my dignity. I didn't think I succeeded. It was a lousy save. Really lousy.

”I'd like sleeping,” he admitted and yawned again. ”It took quite a lot of my chakra to keep the genjutsu up and work with the seal. It seems I fell asleep on the floor.”

Yeah, hugging me like I was the life vest and you were a drowning sailor.

”Oh. Well, there's the couch. I can bring you blankets. Pillow. You need pillow too. I think I have an extra one.” Why was I blabbering? What was wrong with me? I started walking towards my bedroom. I remembered seeing one there. Somewhere.

”Hm.” Kakashi managed to sound a bit disappointed, which got me off guard. Why was he disappointed?

”What?” I asked, puzzled.

”Nothing. Pillow would be appreciated,” he answered and made an eye-smile at me. ”And coffee at morning.”

I stared at him for a long time. Coffee. At morning. Was he serious? Apparently.

”I'm not your maid, damn it. You make your own coffee.” I shook my head. Coffee at morning. Now I'd heard everything from him.

”I started to wonder where you'd gone, dear Akako. You didn't swear at least in five sentences.” The sarcasm was oozing from his voice.

”Bastards should be nice or they won't be getting a pillow.”

It wasn't until I was warmly snugged in my own bed when I realized that maybe he had wanted to sleep in my bed. With me. Then I realized what a silly thought that was.

//

“Your hair! It's... it's...” Yoshiko seemed to be at loss. I had tried to cover my hair to work, but realized I looked even more horrendous with a bright yellow scarf on my head than without one.

“Horbafuckous,” I offered. Yoshiko's gaze was not amused.

“You just made that word up. I was going to say your hair is...is... Nice.” She tried to smile at the end of her sentence, but it was more like a cringe to me.

“No it's not and you know it,” I sighed.

“Yeah, you are right. It is horrible. What did you do to it? Your long hair was so pretty!” At the same time she took strands of my hair and moved them around, probably trying to make them look more presentable. By the look on her face I guessed her mission wasn't succeeding.

“I didn't like it that much anymore,” I answered after a while. What else was I going to say? I couldn't tell Yoshiko about Taizo or about anything. She was one of the few friends I had and I didn't want to lose her because what I had done. And lose her I would. She was a healer. I was a killer.

I swallowed, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.

“What the hell did you use to cut this? A kunai?” Yoshiko's voice brought me back to reality. How the hell did she guess?

“Well, actually...”

“You know what? I used to cut my friend's hair when we were back in nurse school,” she cut me off with a contemplative look on her face. I wasn't sure I liked that look.

“You did?” Why the hell did I sound so scared? My hair was already ruined, she couldn't possibly ruin it any more than I had already.

“Don't sound so surprised! I'm multi-talented!” Gosh, she sounded angry. “Everyone always doubts me! Well, you didn't do it at first but I see that no you are doing it too!”

I probably looked like a dying fish. I had no idea where this was coming from.

“What?” I managed to utter. “I mean, what in the whattest what?” Like, what the fuck?

“Well, you are doubting my talents, are you not?!”

“You scare me sometimes, Yoshiko.” I spoke honestly. Her mood swings were worse than mine and that was saying a lot. Scary Yoshiko is scary. Yoshiko threw a stern look towards me and then it seemed like all the fight just left her. She sighed deeply.

“I'm sorry. It's just...”

“Just...?” I was puzzled. I had no idea what was going on and what was even happening.

“Well, I haven't seen you in a week. And you totally ditched me in that bar.” She pouted at me. Pouty lips Yoshiko. And what? Ditched? Didn't she remember?

“No, I was abducted,” I argued. “You saw me leave, not voluntarily, but forced. Abducted.” Yes, hanging from Kakashi's shoulder hadn't been a part of my plans for that night. Or the things that came afterward.

“I remember no abductions,” Yoshiko said and raised her eyebrow. Well, I should've known. She had been so drunk she could barely walk. No wonder she didn't remember it.

“You were probably too busy entertaining Genma-san at that point,” I muttered, not realizing I had said it out loud until Yoshiko asked:

“Who is Genma?” I almost slapped my forehead. Holy fucking hell, how fucking drunk had she been? Did she remember anything? Anything at all?

“Oh crap. Uhm, what do you remember?” I had left her at the bar when she had no idea what was going on. She was right, I had ditched her. Well, Kakashi had made me ditch her, so it was his fault really.

I could always depend on myself to blame someone else. Good one, Akako. Kakashi “the Bastard” Hatake is to blame. I was happy with this conclusion.

“I noticed you left the table and went after you. And next thing I know I'm alone at the bar and this totally hot guy is giving me the look. I left with him. I also vomited on his kitchen floor.” There was a slight blush on Yoshiko's cheeks. I couldn't stop staring at her. Had I heard right? She had... Oh god.

“Don't you dare laugh at me!” she yelled at me, when my lips started to twitch. I just couldn't help myself. I snickered.

“I'm sorry, Yoshiko, but... Why did you drink so much?” I tried to contain my laughter the best I could. I was a horrible person. I truly, truly was.

“I was nervous!” she explained and pouted again. “I can't help myself when I'm nervous.” I nodded vigorously and evaded her hand when she tried to slap me on the head.

“Okay, okay...” I laughed. “What else do you remember?”

“Well, he was hot. I was not.”

“You were puking on his floor, that might've made you a bit unhot. Anything else happened?” Probably more puking. But who the hell was this mystery guy? I had left Yoshiko with Genma, but then again, she had ditched the previous guy pretty quickly. Maybe it had been Gai.

I almost choked and received an angry glare from Yoshiko.

“No, next thing I know it's morning and I wake up from someone's bed. Empty bed. The whole house was empty, so I sneaked back to my own place.”

Well, that didn't sound too bad. Nothing about eyebrows invading her personal space.

Oh god, Akako, stop this trail of thought, right here. No eyebrows. And definitely no personal space.

“So, what is the problem?” I tried to stay at the subject at hand.

“I don't know... if... we... you know.” She was wriggling her hands nervously. This was totally new from Yoshiko. The girl who screamed she hadn't got laid in two years was nervous.

No, that was just not her. At all.

“Yoshiko, you haven't been shy before, it doesn't work now,” I commented.

“Ok, I don't know if we fucked or not. I was naked. Naked. Totally naked.” She seemed pretty horrified for a person whose sole purpose had been to get fucked. Well, maybe I'd be horrified too if I had slept with Gai accidentally.

Holy fuck, why was I thinking about that.

“And you have no idea who the guy was?” I asked. No eyebrows, please no bushy eyebrows...

“Nada. Zero,” Yoshiko said and kept a break. “He was hot.” So it was not Gai. Then again Yoshiko had been quite drunk. Drunk meant she might've seen things. You'd have to be pretty drunk to think Gai was hot, but... Yoshiko might've done it.

“Yes, you keep mentioning that,” I sighed. Had Gai even been at the bar? I hadn't seen him, but Kakashi's other friends had been there, right?

“You have no idea how long it has been since a hot guy has laid his hands on me.” Yoshiko's voice sounded very dreamy. I was having nightmares about Gai and her. Why couldn't that thought leave me alone.

Please, brain. Just fucking stop.

“Two years?” I said. I knew. She had yelled that out quite loud.

“Oh yeah, I did tell you,” she remembered. She had told that to me quite many times actually. After a few shots of sake she became really, really open person.

“Yep.”

“I hope I didn't include all the details at least?” At least she had the decency to sound a bit ashamed.

“You did. Damn you, you did.” How I wish I could just forget. Knowing the exact details about someone's sex life wasn't at the top of my interests list.

“Oh. Sorry.”

Our little conversation was interrupted by one of the receptionist, who came running in with a huge grin on her pretty face.

“Yoshiko-san!” she yelled.

“Yes?”

“There is a man asking you by name at the entrance,” she grinned. I had a sinking feeling in my gut. It was the mystery man. It had to be the mystery man. I hoped to god and every other deity that it wouldn't be Gai. I wouldn't be able to handle that. My already frail sanity would flee altogether.

“Me? A man?” Yoshiko's eye became as wide as tea saucers. If I hadn't been so worried of the identity of the man, I would have laughed at her. Now, I just couldn't.

“I don't know any other Yoshikos who work at this hospital. And he knew exactly how you look.”

“Maybe this is your mystery guy?” I whispered at her, not knowing whether I should be excited or horrified.

“Well, I guess I'll have to go and see, don't I?” she whispered back at me, straightened her back and put on her pokerface. Damn, she was good. “I hope he's hot.”

“So do I. So do I,” I wished and watched her go. Then I realized I could just follow her and see for myself. Or wait for her to tell me. If she would ever tell me.

I couldn't resist a sneak peek.

Please, for the love of god, please don't be Gai. Yoshiko would be devastated. I would die of laughter. Oh fuck, I'm a horrible person.

Yoshiko caught me eye when I peered at the entrance area. She winked at me and grinned. The mystery guy was standing his back towards me, but I realized from the hair color it couldn't be Gai.

Thank the gods.

But then again, it would have been hilarious if it would have been Gai. I was a horrible person to think that.


End file.
